


One Night In Paris

by thilia



Category: Tokio Hotel
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-05
Updated: 2011-01-05
Packaged: 2017-10-28 23:59:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 60,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/313594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thilia/pseuds/thilia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bill and Wolfgang Joop spend a night together in Paris. An entire night, and Tom doesn't like it. At all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One Night In Paris

He tried not to show it but he was nervous. The camera was on him, and even though he wasn't looking at it directly, he could feel it burning into his skin. It usually didn't bother him particularly because when they were recording an episode of THtv, there were no expectations. He just had to be himself, and no one cared if he was noisy, obnoxious or even grumpy.

Today, however, he was expected to be smart, interesting, funny, cultured, and whatever else people thought he was like. He wasn't even sure _what_ they expected to see. The fans accepted him just the way he was. And while he usually didn't care what anyone else thought, he did want this to be a success. This wouldn't be watched exclusively by Tokio Hotel fans. It was a different kind of audience and he couldn't help being nervous.

He looked out of the window, taking a slow breath and trying to pretend it was just an ordinary day.

He was on his way to Wolfgang Joop's studio where another camera team would be waiting. Then they would be followed for the rest of the day while they explored Paris and talked. Mostly about fashion, Bill assumed. And themselves. Bill had never met the man before. What if they didn't click? What if there was no chemistry whatsoever? What if they ran out of things to talk about?

There was a huge age difference, after all. Maybe he shouldn't have accepted this project. On the other hand… he'd always wanted to meet Joop. He loved the man's fashion and found him very inspirational and fascinating, so maybe he should just relax and have faith in his own ability to make conversation with just about anyone. They would be fine. Besides, if they really did run out of things to say, the directors would give them some directions. That was their job, after all.

He looked up when the car slowed down, then gulped when he saw Joop standing in front of the building, waiting for him. His first impression was that he looked impressive. He wasn't bad-looking; he'd been quite handsome when he was young, and considering that he was nearing seventy now, he really did look surprisingly good.

When the car stopped, Bill got out and forced a smile onto his face, which became a little more genuine when Joop returned it. He accepted his hand and kissed his cheek, the scent of the older man's cologne wafting into his nostrils. He closed his eyes for a moment, then pulled back and smiled as he was led inside. There was some small talk, and Bill could tell that the older man was trying to make him feel comfortable. Bill was grateful; and it didn't take long for him to relax and realise that he'd had no reason to be worried. This would be great.

They got along almost instantly, laughed about the same jokes, had things to talk about; the directors didn't have to stimulate their conversation even once. Bill was impressed with what he saw; the clothes were gorgeous, and he _had_ to get a pair of shoes like that. He'd ask Joop – no, _Wolfgang_ – about it later.

Bill loved that he finally got the chance to see Paris. He had been in Paris before, of course, but he'd never had the chance to do much sight-seeing with the band.

The Eiffel Tower was just as amazing as he'd thought it would be, and he was grateful for the pleasant company. Bill and Joop – he decided to keep calling him Joop in his head; he'd never liked the name Wolfgang – never ran out of things to talk about and it was a far better experience than Bill had expected. He was surprised at the many little touches and compliments he was paid throughout the day but considered them flattering rather than annoying. Sometimes, he even had the feeling that Joop was flirting with him – but that might just be his own wish-thinking.

It wasn't that he was attracted to Joop, per se. He was an attractive man, of course, but not exactly Bill's type. But what Bill loved more than anything was to be desired. He loved it when people admired him and wanted to be close to him, and Joop's appreciation for his looks was more than obvious.

***

The masquerade ball was impressive. Bill couldn't help looking around and admiring the sophisticated masks and outfits. If he'd known about this, he would've dressed up a little more. When he mentioned his concerns to Joop, however, the older man assured him that his outfit was perfectly acceptable.

They made their way up the stairs and onto the balcony, looking down at the hall filled with people. Joop led him into a VIP lounge that had been reserved for them. The camera team followed and filmed for a little while longer before they called it a day and left them alone. Bill relaxed; he was always as natural as he could be when a camera was around but it was still different than being alone with Joop.

On the other hand, this made him even more nervous. The bodyguards were there, of course, but apart from them, they were alone now. In a cosy, dimly-lit lounge with comfortable couches and pillows. Had they been sitting this close together all evening? Bill couldn't tell.

"Let me get you a drink," Joop said, giving Bill another smile, one that felt almost intimate. Bill felt heat creep up his neck and into his cheeks, knowing that he was blushing furiously. He'd managed to control it when they were shooting but now that they were alone, the look on Joop's face and all the little touches and smiles they'd exchanged all day seemed to mean something entirely different. Something more.

The expression on Joop's face when he looked at him was almost hungry, and Bill was thrilled. It was exciting, though not surprising, that an older, sophisticated man could want him like that. He shivered at the intensity in Joop's eyes and wondered if the other man had plans for the night that involved Bill; _private_ plans he had not yet revealed…

He was getting ahead of himself – maybe he was completely misinterpreting Joop's advances. It was entirely possible. He bit his lip and leaned back, taking a breath and waiting for his drink to arrive, trying not to show how much Joop's behaviour affected and confused him, then gulped the drink down the moment he wrapped his hand around the glass.

A laugh came from Joop, and Bill felt himself flush again even while he managed to return the smile. He couldn't help it; he was nervous. Nervous and excited; his whole body seemed to vibrate with tension.

Their fingers brushed when Joop handed him another drink after he'd drained the first one, and after a few more glasses of Martini, Bill felt pleasantly dizzy. Once he started drinking, it was hard to stop, and he knew he was a little more than tipsy at this point.

For a moment, he felt embarrassed. He was a lightweight when it came to alcohol; he couldn't hold his liquor at all. Usually, he became quite giggly and silly after a few drinks, and hoped that this would not be the case tonight. He wanted Joop to take him seriously; consider him an adult, rather than an inexperienced young man. A few minutes later, however, a different thought occurred to him. Maybe Joop had been _trying_ to get him drunk. Maybe he thought he could have his way with Bill when he was drunk; that he wouldn't protest when he was under the influence of the relatively strong alcohol.

Rather than repulse him, the idea excited him even more. Taking a breath, Bill rolled his eyes at himself. Getting taken advantage of by an older man probably wasn't high on many people's kink lists, but for some reason, Bill liked the idea.

He flashed Joop a wide smile, shivering when he felt the older man's hand on his thigh, which seemed to be an unmistakable hint at the fact that Joop did indeed find him attractive. Bill smiled to himself as he brought his umpteenth drink to his lips, sipping at the clear liquid.

***

"Ugh," Bill groaned as he virtually fell into the backseat of the limo. He let out a high-pitched giggle, then groaned again, frustrated at his own lack of grace. A soft laugh coming from behind him indicated that Joop was vastly amused, and Bill snorted as he pulled himself back up onto the seat.

"Are you all right?" the older man asked as he, too, climbed into the car, pulling the door closed behind him. The car started moving several seconds later and Bill nodded, unable to suppress a grin. He lifted a hand to brush a few stray strands of pitch-black hair out of his face, trying to regain his composure.

They looked at each other for a long moment, an amused and growing smirk gracing both pairs of lips. Finally, Bill couldn't handle the sexual tension between them anymore and decided to do something about it. He didn't know why Joop was taking his time instead of just jumping him, but Bill was an impatient man and wanted what he wanted when he wanted it.

Scooting over on the backseat, he leaned in, batting his lashes as he looked into Joop's eyes, the intoxicating smell of the older man's cologne hitting his nostrils once again. Bill smiled, letting his tongue dart out to wet his lips as he slid a hand onto Joop's thigh, stopping just before the other man's groin.

He didn't have to wait a long time for Joop to react this time; seconds after the tips of Bill's fingers had grazed the impressive bulge between the man's legs, Joop reached up to cup the back of Bill's neck, pressing their lips together in a hard kiss and pulling Bill almost onto his lap.

An incontrollable groan escaped Bill's lips as he returned the kiss eagerly, melting into the embrace as he let his fingers slide up that final inch to cover Joop's crotch with his whole palm. He squeezed Joop's erection teasingly, eliciting an equally hungry moan from the other man.

The kiss grew in heat and passion, their hands fumbling to slide beneath layers of clothing, searching for bare skin. Bill was about to open the buttons of Joop's trousers when he found himself flipped around, his back pressed against the seat of the limo with Joop hovering above him, staring down at him possessively.

The look sent shivers of arousal up and down Bill's spine and he spread his legs, needing the friction that Joop's insistently grinding hips could provide. "Please," Bill breathed, arching up into the other man's touches, feeling Joop's large, experienced hands sliding up his sides, touching him with a hunger, Bill hadn't experienced before.

Bill's hands slid down to fumble with the fastenings of Joop's trousers again; it didn't take long for him to free the man's long, thick cock and wrap his hand around it. He stroked it expertly, brushing a thumb over the head as he stared up into Joop's darkening eyes. His hand worked furiously on the older man's cock as Joop leaned in to kiss him again, their tongues battling while Bill focused his whole attention on the warm erection in his hand. He was a bit surprised when Joop stopped touching him, but he couldn't blame him; it was hard enough for him to be able to reach Joop's cock and get the perfect angle while he stroked it without Joop trying to reciprocate.

A stifled gasp escaped Bill's lips when he felt Joop's hips jerk forward, thrusting into his hand before warm wetness coated Bill's fingers. He rubbed the other man's cock for a few more moments, milking Joop's orgasm before he broke the kiss and stared up at him.

Joop was panting and staring at him with half-closed eyes, his whole body trembling from the force of his climax; and Bill couldn't stop the proud smile from spreading all over his face. The fact that he could make a man like Joop come undone like this was overwhelming.

He kept his eyes locked with Joop's as he brought his hand up to his mouth, licking his come-covered hand clean with seductive, little licks. A soft gasp left Joop's lips as he stared at him, and Bill gave him an almost innocent smile, laughing when he was pulled into another hungry kiss.

Only now did Bill realise that the car seemed to have stopped moving a while ago, and a look out of the window told him that they were in front of his hotel. When Joop let go of him, sitting up to stuff his… equipment back into his trousers, Bill sat up as well, running his clean hand through his hair and taking a deep breath. He was still hard and had a feeling that he probably looked shagged; his cheeks flushed and lips swollen from the hard kisses.

"I'll take you to your room," Joop said, clearing his throat. "You're still drunk and I want to make sure you get to your room safely."

Bill saw nothing wrong with that, so he nodded his agreement and stumbled back out of the limo. Leaning through the window in the front, he dismissed his driver, giving him the rest of the night off. He wasn't even sure how late it was, and felt bad for making the man work so late.

He felt Joop's arm wrap around him as they made their way into the hotel, ignoring the looks the hotel personnel gave them. In the elevator, Bill stared at his reflection in the mirror and tried to get some of his smudged makeup off his face before deciding that it didn't matter. If Joop wanted him, he'd take him. If he didn't, then… well. It would be regrettable, and Bill didn't necessarily want to take care of his erection on his own, but it wasn't as if he could force the other man to stay.

Well, he _could_ , but…

The sound of the elevator's doors opening pulled him out of his seduction fantasies and with some difficulty, he managed to steer Joop into the right direction. He fumbled with the key-card for a moment, sighing in relief when the door opened and they made their way inside.

"I am so drunk," Bill groaned as he let himself fall onto the mattress, stretching. He rubbed his forehead, then sighed when he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He pulled it out and dropped it onto the floor, ignoring Tom's name on the display. He had other worries right now; his brother was, in fact, the last thing on his mind. He was horny, he was hard, and he wanted Joop between his legs.

"You really are," Joop chuckled as he sat down on the edge of the bed, and Bill smiled up at him lazily, pushing himself up on his elbows. He licked his lips, making sure to show his tongue stud as he reached for Joop's hand.

"We have to get up early tomorrow, so I should probably go," Joop said then, and Bill pouted instantly. "Unless you want me to stay." The look in Joop's eyes was purely sexual; even though he was a little more than tipsy, Bill could tell he was wanted – again.

He still had Joop's hand in his own and didn’t break the eye contact as he brought the older man's hand to his mouth, flicking his tongue out to trail it around one of Joop's fingers. He let out a practised moan as he slid two fingers into his mouth, sucking at them expertly in a demonstration of what else his mouth was capable of.

"I want you to stay," he whispered as he slid Joop's fingers out of his mouth and pushed Joop's hand down between his legs, pressing it firmly against his still very prominent erection. "There's something I need you to take care of for me…"

He smiled and brushed the tip of his tongue over his bottom lip, letting his hips thrust up into the older man's hand, showing him just how much he needed him.

Joop sucked in a sharp breath and Bill smiled, knowing he had him. He wasn't usually this predatory but he had to admit that he liked having this effect on the other man. He tilted his head and batted his eyelashes at him again as he purred, "Please?"

His breath caught in his throat when Joop pushed himself up onto the bed and tugged off Bill's sweater with a swift and skilled move. Bill bit his lip and sucked in his stomach when Joop proceeded to open his trousers and pull them down with his boxers while Bill tried frantically to kick off his boots. He managed after a moment of awkward kicking, and found himself on his back, completely naked with a fully-dressed Joop beside him.

He suddenly felt incredibly vulnerable and exposed while Joop's hungry eyes continued to send shivers through his body, making his cock twitch where it rested against his stomach. He let his hand slide back onto Joop's thigh, then pouted when it was batted away.

"No," Joop said, licking his lips as he took in Bill's slender form. "You said it yourself. There's something I need to take care of first."

Bill's eyes widened a little before they fluttered closed when Joop leaned forward and sucked his pierced nipple into his mouth. Bill's head fell back at the sensation of a warm, wet mouth on his skin and he reached down to slide long, manicured fingers into Joop's hair; not guiding him, just holding on. He doubted that Joop needed guidance; the older man's hands were experienced and Bill was sure he knew what he was doing.

Resisting the urge to attempt to touch Joop again, Bill forced himself to relax and let the other man touch him instead. He bit his lip and closed his eyes, moaning when a large, gentle hand was wrapped around his cock. He couldn't help but arch up into the touch, thrusting into Joop's hand helplessly as he was stroked with firm yet soft moves.

Without even meaning to, Bill spread his legs, hoping he wasn't too obviously begging for more – but he had a feeling, he _was_ making what he wanted quite clear. He furrowed his brows in concentration; Joop's skilled strokes were close to sending him over the edge, and Bill wanted this to last; wanted to get the opportunity to feel the other man's seemingly perfect cock buried deep inside him.

"Oh!" he suddenly gasped when he found his knees pressed almost all the way down to his shoulders with Joop's strong hands on the backs of his thighs. His eyes widened when he watched the man lick a trail down the pulsating underside of his cock, nip at the soft skin of his balls before moving even lower.

His eyes rolled into the back of his head when he suddenly felt Joop's warm, wet tongue slide into him and he clenched violently around the very welcome intrusion, unable to control his body. His cock was leaking onto his stomach at the pleasurable sensation – which was perfect but not quite enough to give him the release he so desperately needed.

Joop's insistent tongue opened him further and Bill was reduced to pathetic little whimpers as he twisted the sheets in his hands, trying to hold onto something as he let Joop tongue-fuck him.

A mewl of disappointment escaped his lips when the warm heat of Joop's mouth disappeared but he didn't have to wait a long time before his tongue was replaced with two long fingers sliding past Bill's tight rings of muscles, going straight for his prostate. He cried out in ecstasy, his whole body shaking as he bore down on the other man's exploring fingers that slid in and out and in and out at a perfect yet agonisingly slow pace.

The urge to reach for his cock and give it the two last strokes it needed was overwhelming and Bill's teeth sank into his bottom lip as he slid his fingers into his hair instead, tugging desperately in an attempt to keep his hands busy in some other way. "Ahhh," he gasped in disappointment when the gentle pressure on his prostate suddenly disappeared and he stared up at Joop pleadingly when the fingers disappeared entirely.

He'd let Joop take over; take control of his body. He wasn't sure how it had happened but it was obvious that he was no longer in charge here. Joop was watching him with dark eyes and all of a sudden, Bill realised how exposed he was, his knees still pressed against his chest with his ass bare and spread for Joop.

The way the older man was watching him in silence irritated Bill and he pushed himself up on his knees, his body shaking a little. He looked into Joop's eyes, deciding that it was _his_ turn to get Joop ready now. He crawled towards him in a seductive manner, his fingers just lightly grazing Joop's crotch when his hand was back on the older man's thigh. His face was right in front of Joop's, their lips almost touching as he unbuckled Joop's belt and opened his trousers. Joop cupped the back of his neck, long fingers gently tracing the tattoo in Bill's nape as he pressed their lips together in another heated kiss. Considering where the man's tongue had been only moments before, Bill would've normally pushed him away but for some reason, this time it didn't bother him at all. Quite the contrary, actually; his taste on Joop's tongue made his cock twitch and his need for the older man grow even stronger.

Bill moaned and answered the kiss instantly, his tongue sliding into Joop's mouth. He felt like he'd been waiting for this moment all day; the sexual tension between them had almost been too much. And while they'd already kissed in the car before, it seemed even more intense this time, their mutual want for each other too strong to fight. Visiting Paris, talking about fashion and culture while exchanging little glances and touches had been the longest, most teasing foreplay, and Bill couldn't help wanting something to finally happen now.

Joop broke the kiss, getting up to slide his trousers down, and Bill moaned when he saw the large bulge in the other man's boxer-briefs. He licked his lips unconsciously and slid off the bed, cupping the older man's cheeks and kissing him hard, pressing their bodies together. He had been fantasising about going down on Joop all day, and after touching Joop's surprisingly toned body for a minute or two, he slid down on his knees, mouthing the older man's erection through the thin fabric of his underwear.

Overwhelmed by a strong desire to finally _see_ the cock he'd been holding and stroking, and even tasting before, Bill almost just tugged the underwear down roughly but changed his mind a moment later. Joop's touches had been gentle – almost too gentle – and torturous; he deserved to be teased as well.

A sigh escaped Joop's lips as he looked down at Bill, and Bill smiled up at him, licking his lips as he pulled Joop's boxer-briefs down with teasing slowness. He buried his face in the thick patch of hair above the other man's cock, then trailed kisses up it, nipping at the soft skin. His length was impressive; Bill had been able to tell before – but being confronted with it and actually able to look at it, his need to have it inside of him became almost too much to bear. He wrapped a hand around it, loving how thick and long it was; the weight of it felt perfect in his grip. Licking his lips, he pushed the foreskin back and sucked the now-exposed head into his mouth, his lips tight around it.

He had done this many times before, so he knew he was good; he hoped he would be up to Joop's standards. Smiling smugly, he opened his mouth to the other man when Joop's hips began thrusting forward a little, and he relaxed his throat, trying to accommodate all of Joop's length into his mouth.

A rough hand grabbed his hair, holding his head in place as his mouth was fucked and Bill closed his eyes, proud of himself for suppressing his gag reflex successfully. He prepared for a mouthful of come; the other man's rough thrusts made him think that that was what Joop wanted, so he was a little surprised when his hair got another hard tug and he was pulled off Joop's cock when the latter was about to lose control.

"Mmmhh," Bill moaned disappointedly, looking up at Joop pleadingly, but the older man just shook his head curtly, and a moment later, Bill was pulled up and pushed onto the bed. Joop moved on top of him and kissed him again, his cock heavy and leaking against Bill's leg.

"I want you," Bill breathed, not caring about who was in charge anymore. He wanted to be fucked – he wanted to be fucked _hard_ – and he would submit to Joop willingly; the desire to have that long, thick, hard cock breaching him too strong to fight.

He knew he should be worried about protection but when Joop spat into his hand and reached down to coat his cock with slick saliva Bill couldn't bring himself to care. For some reason, he knew that Joop wouldn't put him in danger; that he wouldn't do this unless he was sure he was clean.

Bill spread his legs wide, looking up at the other man with wide, pleading eyes, a hoarse cry leaving his mouth when Joop finally pushed in. He groaned, then bit his lip, his brows furrowing as he tried to relax enough to let the man slide the rest of the way inside of him. He felt Joop's balls pressed against his ass and took a deep, shuddering breath as he clenched around him tentatively, willing his body to get used to the intrusion.

He smiled a little when his closed eyelids, his nose and finally his lips were kissed and he gazed up at the older man almost dreamily. He locked his legs firmly around Joop's hips and gave him a nod; an indication that he was ready to be pounded into the mattress. He knew he would be sore the next day but he'd never cared about anything less; he just… _wanted_.

"Please," he whispered, his fingers running up the older man's broad shoulders, digging into his flesh as he tightened his muscles around him again, demanding more. Joop's self-satisfied smirk made Bill narrow his eyes and he groaned when Joop laughed, sending pleasant vibrations through his body as the man's cock pressed against his prostate.

He loosened his legs around Joop's waist, then closed his eyes and groaned loudly when the other man began to move, his thrusts agonisingly slow. Bill moved with him, soon finding Joop's rhythm, his body tightening around the other man whenever he pushed inside.

His nails were probably leaving marks on Joop's back but Bill couldn't bring himself to care. He pressed his forehead against the other man's shoulder, holding onto him as he pushed back, his whole body tingling with its need for release. He knew that any thrust could be the one that sent him over the edge and he was surprised that he didn't come on the spot when Joop increased his pace.

He stared up at him, meeting Joop's thrusts with light moves of his own hips, both bodies slick with sweat. He closed his eyes and threw his head back, teeth digging into his bottom lip once again when Joop slammed into his prostate again and again and again, making spots appear before Bill's eyes as the pressure in his groin increased.

"Oh god," he breathed, unable to stay quiet anymore – and why should he? They were in the privacy of his own room where he could be as loud as he pleased. "Wo-Wolfgang! Oh god, fuck, yesss…"

Spurred on by Bill's encouraging moans, Joop fucked him even harder, his balls slamming against Bill's ass as Joop drove into him over and over again.

Suddenly, something snapped inside Bill and he almost came off the bed when he felt his orgasm wash over him, his muscles clenching violently around Joop's cock as his own spurted long, milky-white strands of seed all over his body. His orgasm seemed to go on for minutes and he stared up at the older man in wonder, groaning again when he felt Joop's hot release coat his insides.

They collapsed in a tangle of limbs and Bill brushed sweaty strands of black hair out of his face as he stared up at the ceiling, panting heavily. His cock lay hard against his stomach, his muscles still twitching as he tried to catch his breath and recover from the force of his orgasm.

He turned his head to watch Joop do the same, their eyes meeting in the post-coital silence of the room.

"I should go," Joop said after a moment, and despite the fact that Bill was not surprised to find that Joop wasn't a cuddler, he couldn't mask his disappointment at the prospect of spending his night alone. But he was sure that Joop really did have to get up early the next day – he had a fashion show to run, after all.

"Okay," Bill murmured, pushing himself up against the pillows as he watched Joop get off the bed, look for his clothes and finally get dressed.

Bill reached for some Kleenexes and cleaned up the mess on his stomach before reaching for the bed sheets and pulling them up to his chin.

He smiled hesitantly when he found Joop watching him, then closed his eyes when the other man leaned over him to give him a brief kiss.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Joop said then and Bill nodded wordlessly, managing another smile before he watched Joop leave his room.

Bill sat in the darkness of his room for a moment, then blinked when the silence was broken by the insistent buzzing of his phone. Sighing, Bill leaned over the bed and picked it up off the floor, looking at the display. Tom again. Even without talking to him, Bill knew that Tom wouldn't approve of what he'd just done but he still made himself press the 'accept' button.

"Hey," he said after a moment.

"Finally!" Tom said and Bill could almost feel the frown on his face. "I've been calling you all evening. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Bill said softly.

"Good. Pick up your damn phone next time, will you?"

Bill rolled his eyes but nodded. "Yes, Tom," he sighed, running a hand through his hair and stifling a yawn. "Look, Tom. It was a long day. I'll be back in Hamburg tomorrow evening; can we talk then?"

There was a long silence and Bill could tell that Tom could probably guess what had happened. Even through the phone, when they were miles and miles apart, Tom could often read his thoughts. Bill shifted uncomfortably, sighing in relief when Tom broke the awkward silence without pressing the matter. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay," Bill murmured. "Night, Tom."

"Bye."

He stared at his phone for another long moment, deleting the six missed calls on his display. Then he rolled onto his side, burying his face in his pillow as he let sleep wash over him, refusing to let his mind bother him with more thoughts about what had happened tonight; thoughts that gave him an odd, fluttering feeling in the pit of his stomach.

***

His phone rang again when he was back in the limo and on his way to pick up Joop the next morning. He picked up without thinking; his mood was much better now that he'd recovered from his exhaustion the previous night. "Hey Tomi!"

"Hey," Tom said and Bill's face fell immediately when he heard the tone of Tom's voice.

"What's wrong?" he asked carefully.

"You had sex with him, didn't you?"

Bill raised a brow and held his breath. Lying was pointless; Tom would know. But he didn't feel like discussing it right now and was relieved when the car stopped and Joop approached. "Hey, I have to go. I'll talk to you tonight, all right? Bye."

He hung up and just had the time to take a deep breath before he plastered a fake smile onto his face and turned to greet Joop. "Hey!"

"Hi Schatzi," Joop said and Bill felt himself flush as he slid his phone into his pocket. A moment later, he was pulled into a deep, long kiss and responded eagerly, forgetting his worries, at least for a while. They had a fashion show to go to and apparently to make out in the car for a while, and everything else could wait until later.

With promises of staying in touch, he and Joop finally said goodbye to each other at the end of the morning, and Bill couldn't help but wonder if Joop had meant it. Were they really going to see each other again? Did he want to stay in touch? Would this happen again at some point? And what about Tom? Would his brother hate him for giving it up for a considerably older man Tom had not even met before?

Questions over questions buzzed through his head as Bill flew back to Germany and he was torn between wanting to remember how mind-blowing his night in Paris with Joop had been and the worry that consumed his mind now that he was going to have to face his pissed off twin.


	2. Confrontation

It was already getting dark when Bill set foot into the house he shared with Tom, a heavy sigh escaping his lips as he locked the door behind him. Flying was exhausting; and even though this flight had been relatively short, Bill could still feel the tension in his shoulders as he set his heavy bags down and switched on the lights. A massage would be pretty damn good right now but he had a feeling that Tom wasn't in the mood to give him one. He stopped in the hallway for a long moment, shrugging out of his coat as he listened intently, waiting for a sign that Tom was at home. It would be unusual for him to be out, but who knew? Maybe he was so mad at Bill that he couldn't even stand to be in the same house as him.

Bill felt himself relax when he heard the soft, melodic sound of Tom's guitar coming from the living room. He wasn't ready to face Tom, knowing he wouldn't react well to the fact that Bill had spent the _entire_ night with Wolfgang Joop, but they would need to have this conversation at some point, so the sooner, the better.

Bill pushed the sleeves of his sweater up to his elbows and slipped out of his shoes as he noiselessly made his way into the living room, leaning against the large arc that separated the hallway from the large sitting room, and watching Tom play. His brother was sitting in the dark, the only sound the soft melody of Geisterfahrer. The guitar chords continued for another few minutes before Tom suddenly stopped playing, his hand pressed against the smooth wood of his guitar. "I know you're there."

Bill swallowed hard and nodded. "Hi," he said, switching on the lights and getting a glare from Tom in response. Bill shrugged apologetically as he started making his way over to the couch before changing his mind. "Do you want a drink?"

It was Tom's turn to shrug. "Sure," he said, and went back to playing as Bill made a brief stop in the kitchen, getting them two cold beers from the fridge. He opened them and took them back into the living room, carefully setting them down on the coasters on the expensive glass table before sitting down beside Tom.

He sat in silence as he listened to the melody his brother's skilled fingers strummed on the guitar, disappointed when he stopped. "Is that a new song? I don't think I've heard that one before."

Tom gave another shrug, leaning his guitar against the couch and reaching for his beer. "Yeah," he said, making it clear that he didn't want to discuss the song right now. "It's a work in progress."

"Oh," Bill said quietly, nodding and picking up his own beer.

There was a long moment of silence as both twins drank their beers and Bill tried to read his brother's body language. For some reason, he couldn't tell how Tom felt right now at all. His face was blank in an obvious and successful attempt to hide his true feelings from Bill while Bill could see nothing unusual in his posture either. He didn't seem angry at all. It was as if the phone call this morning had never happened. Could it be that Tom had forgotten about it? Bill doubted it, but it _was_ possible…

"So. You slept with the old guy."

Or not.

Bill gulped down some beer and licked his dry lips, trying to think of a way to explain this to Tom and make him understand the reasoning behind his behaviour. The problem was that Tom would never understand him. Bill had had sex with a sixty-four year old man. A man he'd known for only a few hours before he'd hopped into bed with him. And while Tom would certainly understand that particular aspect of Bill's sexual encounter, considering Tom himself rarely knew a girl's name before he took her to bed, he would never understand the appeal a nearly seventy year old man could have for Bill. And Bill had no reasonable explanation for it, either. It had just happened. He had been drunk (though that had not been the main reason), he'd been seduced by Joop's charming way of talking, the beautiful clothes, and Paris. Paris was definitely a contributing factor. If they'd been in Cologne, none of this would've happened. But Paris… Paris had something magical.

Realising that he would have to respond to his brother's statement at some point, Bill nodded. "Yeah," he said, his voice coming out much more quietly than he'd expected. He didn't want to sound guilty or as if he regretted it. He didn't regret it. The way Joop had touched him and looked at him, and the sex itself… The 'old man' had given him the most intense orgasm of his life. He wasn't going to apologise for enjoying that.

He glanced over at Tom in time to see him shake his head, a vaguely disgusted sneer on his face, his brows tightly knitted together. Bill's eyes narrowed; he couldn't help but feel like Tom had just attacked him, even though he hadn't said a word. Bill wasn't even sure if the disgust he'd seen flicker over his brother's face was for Bill, or just the fact that Joop was, in Tom's eyes, a perverse old man, but he felt hurt. Hurt that Tom would react like this and not trust Bill's judgement at all. They rarely really approved of each other's choices of bed partners – Tom preferred sluts while Bill preferred men who could make him feel powerful because they worshipped him, but never in their life had Tom looked at him like that.

"What?" Bill asked when he found his voice, which rose immediately. "What is it? Just say what you have to say. I know you're dying to share your opinion with me, so just get it over with, so we can leave this behind us once and for all."

"How _could_ you?" Tom asked, finally turning to face him and looking at him for the first time since Bill had entered the house. "How could you, Bill? You meet the man, he takes you on a fancy ride through Paris and you spread your legs for him in gratitude? Do you really need it that desperately?"

Bill's hand shook dangerously as his fingers tightened around the beer bottle he was still holding and he set it down to avoid breaking it in his anger. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He closed his eyes for a brief moment and rubbed his temples, feeling the beginnings of a headache wash over him. He really didn't feel like fighting with Tom but he wasn't going to forgive him for basically calling him a whore either. "Why are you so upset about this? This is my life we're talking about. My choices. I made the choice to sleep with this man, just like you choose whoever _you_ want to sleep with, regardless of what I think of them. Why is this different? Why does this bother you so much?"

"Because he's old, Bill!" Tom snapped, clearly trying his damnedest not to lose his temper entirely. He was holding back, Bill could tell. The snapping was only a fragment of all the anger that boiled inside of Tom right now. "He's old and disgusting and he doesn't care about you. Do you really think he's still thinking about you right now? Do you think he's sitting in his fancy house, thinking, 'Oh, I wonder what Bill's doing right now'? No, he isn't. He doesn't give a rat's ass about you, Bill, and if you can't see that, then…"

He trailed off but Bill had heard enough. "Who said anything about _caring_?" he asked incredulously, his voice rising. "This wasn't about love, Tom. This was sex. It was fun. Nothing more."

"Yeah, right," Tom snorted, clearly not believing him. Tom glared at the table in front of him, fixing his beer with his eyes while Bill just stared at him. He really didn't understand Tom. He didn't know why Joop of all people was the person Tom got most upset about. It couldn't just be the age difference. The age difference couldn't bother Tom, because it didn't even bother Bill. Tom had no business being bothered by anything, actually, but he still kept sticking his nosy nose into things that did not concern him.

Tom's lips were pressed together in a tight line and Bill knew that it wasn't over yet. There was more to come and he hated that Tom was apparently incapable of telling him the whole truth. "Talk to me! You were the one who clearly wanted to discuss this, so go ahead. Tell me why this bothers you. I don't get it."

"Forget it," Tom said, rising to his feet and grabbing his guitar as he walked around the couch to make his way towards the stairs. "You don't get it."

"No, I don't!" Bill snapped back, getting up as well and following Tom, determined not to let him get away until they had cleared the air between them. Tom, however, showed no inclination of stopping any time soon, and Bill had to slide his foot through the doorway and the rapidly closing door as Tom slammed it shut behind him.

Bill hissed when the door hit his foot, sending a jolt of sharp pain up his leg. He met Tom's eyes, determined not to let the tears that prickled in his eyes fall. The brief look of shock that passed Tom's features gave Bill immense satisfaction, and he pushed the door open the rest of the way, folding his arms over his chest. "How am I supposed to understand you when you don't explain yourself?"

"Get out," Tom said, turning his back to Bill, giving him the stubborn and silent treatment.

"I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving until you talk to me," Bill repeated, but it felt as if he was talking to a wall. He wasn't getting anywhere tonight; he knew his brother well enough to see that. Staying there for a while longer, Bill finally slumped back against the wall, his shoulders sagging in defeat. "Fine. Have it your way."

He turned around and left the room, slamming the door shut with a loud bang. He stayed by the entrance to Tom's room for a long moment, waiting for his brother to come out and apologise for his rude behaviour, but he never came.

"Fine," Bill muttered and stomped into his own bedroom, throwing himself onto the bed after he'd popped an old Nena CD into his stereo, and watched the white ceiling of his room, his head spinning. He was exhausted. The flight had been tiring, he'd barely eaten anything all day and already, the few sips of beer he'd taken earlier were starting to work their magic. He was such a lightweight, honestly.

He closed his eyes and massaged his temples when his brain wouldn't shut up and kept throwing the same questions at him that Tom had asked him before.

Why _did_ he have sex with Joop? Why did he hope to be able to have sex with him again? He knew that nothing could come out of the relationship; he doubted Joop was going to start a serious love affair with someone Bill's age. No. It was only sex, just like he'd told Tom. This wasn't about love or spending the rest of his life (or, well, Joop's life) with the man. It was fun. And it was going to happen again, if they ever met again. And there was nothing Tom could do to prevent that from happening. Nothing.

But maybe Tom did have a point…?

Bill shook his head, the thousand and one questions that had bothered him earlier still not satisfactorily answered.

He would just have to dig deeper the next day, at least until he got a satisfying answer out of Tom. The thing with his brother was that he often saw things that Bill missed. And for some reason, Bill needed to know what Tom really thought of the incident. Bill didn't know why. He tried to tell himself that he didn't care what Tom thought of anything he did. But in his heart, he knew it wasn't true. He always wanted Tom's approval and the fact that he knew that Tom hated the idea of him with Joop, and that he was possibly disgusted by Bill at the moment would even rob Bill of his sleep.

He had to distance himself from Tom. How was he ever going to find his true love if he kept letting Tom come between him and the people he was attracted to? No, he shouldn't care anymore. He should just ignore Tom and do what he himself felt was right. If Tom didn't accept this, Bill was just not going to care anymore. Tom would just have to learn to deal with it.

Angry and trying to suppress the thousands of voices that seemed to buzz through his head, Bill rolled onto his side and buried his face in the clean-smelling pillow, trying to get some sleep. But when he still couldn't find rest after half an hour, he gave up, got up and went to take a sleeping pill. He hadn't slept very well the previous night and he desperately needed the peace and quiet this pill would provide. He closed his eyes as he swallowed it and crawled back into his bed, letting the sedating effect of the sleeping pill seep into his limbs and lull him into sleep.

***

He woke to the sound of voices downstairs and pulled his pillow over his head, trying to go back to sleep. When the voices were joined by loud laughing and the annoying clanging of frying pans, Bill rolled onto his back and sighed, sliding out of bed. After a brief stop in the bathroom where he removed his smudged makeup and washed his face, he pulled on more comfortable clothes and trudged down the stairs, identifying the voices as Tom's, Georg's and Gustav's.

His suspicion was confirmed when he entered the kitchen and saw Gustav at the stove, cooking eggs and bacon while Tom was making waffles. Georg sat on the counter, apparently watching the other boys work while the coffee was brewing.

"Hey Bill," Gustav said as he glanced up and Bill managed a tired smile.

"Hey. I didn't know you guys were coming over," he said, glancing at Tom briefly; but his brother ignored him. Fine. Bill was just as good at the ignoring game as his brother was.

"We missed you," Gustav said in a mock-longing tone and Bill had to grin. "Besides, we want to hear all about Paris. How was it?"

Bill shrugged and nodded, managing a real smile this time. "It was amazing," he admitted, leaning against the kitchen island and reaching for a grape from the large plate of fruits standing in the centre of it. "Paris is so beautiful; it was great to be able to see it without hordes of fans ambushing us wherever we went."

"I can imagine," Gustav said. He nudged Georg. "Set the table, will you? Make yourself useful."

Georg rolled his eyes but obeyed wordlessly, "So what was Joop like?"

"He was nice," Bill said, glaring when he heard Tom snorting. "He was _very_ nice, and I had a great time."

"Of course you did," Tom muttered and as Bill turned to glare at his twin again, he noticed the curious looks Georg and Gustav exchanged.

"Do you have anything to say to me?" Bill asked sharply, tired of Tom's unreasonable anger. He already knew the answer.

"Nope. Nothing at all," Tom said dryly, stacking the waffles on a plate, his back still turned to Bill.

"What's going on?" Georg asked carefully; he knew better than to interfere when Bill and Tom had a fight, but at the same time, he apparently couldn't contain his curiosity.

"Nothing," Tom was the first one to reply, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Absolutely nothing. Bill slept with the old fart but other than that, everything is just peachy."

Bill's eyes widened; he couldn't believe Tom was dragging Georg and Gustav into this. "Tom!" he spat while he heard Gustav choking on a piece of bacon and Georg spluttering in shock. Fantastic.

"You had sex with him? Really?" Georg asked, his face a little white and his eyes wide; the look on his face indicated that he doubted Bill's sanity a little.

"I don't want to talk about it," Bill said, staring at Tom warningly.

"Really," Tom said, finally looking up to meet Bill's eyes, a sarcastic smile playing on his lips. "You seemed to want to talk about it last night…"

"I changed my mind," Bill snapped. "It's none of your business. I don't care what you think about it, so I'd be grateful if you could just shut up about it and stop ruining my breakfast."

"Whatever," Tom said, their eyes still locked, both of them daring the other one to say something.

"You know what?" Bill said after a moment, breaking the eye contact. "I'm not hungry. Sorry, guys. I hope you enjoy your breakfast."

He turned around and left the kitchen, going back up into his room, slamming the door after him. He couldn't _believe_ Tom. He'd never seen his brother like this. It was almost as if he was… jealous. But that made even less sense than all the other explanations Bill had come up with. He was tired of thinking about it.

He threw himself back onto his bed, turning on the music in an attempt to drown out the voices coming from downstairs.

It didn't work, though. What he really wanted to do was to call Joop, but he was probably busy. Bill looked at the number on his phone for several seconds and sighed before putting it away. He wanted Joop to stay attracted to him, and whining to him about his shitty brother would probably turn him off rather than on. He was getting clingy already. There was no bigger turn-off than that.

Getting out of bed again, Bill started unpacking, hoping Tom would calm down soon and apologise for being an asshole. He was beginning to get sick of Tom judging every single thing he did. Was it so hard for Tom to just put his trust in Bill for once and believe that he knew what he was doing?

What Bill didn't want to admit to himself or anyone else, though, was that most of the time, he had no idea what he was doing. And this was definitely one of those times. He didn't know what he wanted from Joop. He didn't know why he'd even had sex with him, apart from the fact that he'd wanted to. He knew that he already expected it to be more than just a one-night stand, and the idea of Joop possibly wanting this to only be a one-time thing hurt him a little. But he'd said he wanted to see him again, right? So it was going to happen again. Joop wanted him. And Bill wasn't going to stop the older man from taking what he wanted, the next time.

Tom just had to deal with it.


	3. Space

Two days went by and Tom still wasn't talking to him. Bill had mistaken Tom's stupid behaviour and unreasonable reaction to his night with Joop for mild anger while Tom really was pretty fucking pissed off. He wouldn't even look at him anymore and Bill was sick of it. He just wanted things to get back to normal, and if Tom couldn't accept that Bill was attracted to Joop, he could at least have the decency to just ignore it, suppress his anger and be civil about it. But of course, that was too much to ask. Bill just wanted to make things right between them, and even though he hated giving in, especially when he _knew_ Tom was wrong and he was right, Bill decided to be the smarter twin and just move past this.

Instead of approaching Tom and asking him to calm the fuck down, however, Bill used a more subtle approach to get back on speaking terms with his brother. He'd spent the last two days working on lyrics, and when he was done with his song, he went into the living room where Tom was once again strumming his guitar, playing that melody neither of them could seem to get out of their heads.

He waited for Tom to finish before he cleared his throat and sat down next to his brother. "I wrote something," he said softly, nervously waving the sheet of paper that held the lyrics to Tom's song. He was always nervous the first time Tom heard new lyrics he'd written, and this time was no different.

At first, Tom looked as if he was going to be a dick about it and ignore Bill completely. But then he reached for the paper and looked down at it for a long moment. Bill watched Tom's face as he let the words sink in, and he could immediately tell that Tom didn't get what the song was all about. He couldn't read between the lines, it seemed. In the song, Bill was apologising to Tom but it was clear that his brother was completely misinterpreting the whole thing.

"You're kidding, right?" were Tom's first words after he'd read the lyrics, and he turned to look at Bill incredulously. Bill blinked back his confusion and furrowed his brows, staring at his brother perplexedly. "You really expect me to like this? You're dedicating a fucking _song_ to him, Bill. Do you really want everyone to know you're whoring around with guys three times your age? Whatever. Either way, you won't use _my_ song to declare your love to the old guy. No way. You can take this and shove it up your… wherever."

He tossed the sheet of paper in Bill's direction and turned away from him, leaving Bill sitting there, clueless. "What the _fuck_ are you talking about, Tom?" he asked, picking up the lyrics and staring at them, not understanding how Tom could immediately assume that this song was about Joop.

Well… to be fair, it was. Sort of. But mostly, it was about apologising to Tom. If Tom was too narrow-minded to recognise that, then Bill really had underestimated his brother's brain capacity. Or he was just still too upset to understand anything.

He stood up, the hand that was holding the piece of paper shaking a little. "You're an asshole, Tom. Why can't you get the fuck over it already? It's not like I killed someone. I had sex with someone you don't approve of – big deal. Happens to me all the time. Do you think I liked that blond bimbo you brought home last night? And you brought her _here_. Into our home. I think that's way worse than what I did."

"Of course you'd think that," Tom murmured, and Bill groaned in frustration, resisting the urge to punch Tom in the face. He was sure he would just end up hurting himself more than Tom and… it wasn't worth it. He balled the sheet up and threw it at Tom before storming out of the room. He was sick of this. He'd had enough. He couldn't _be_ here with Tom anymore. If Tom couldn't get over it, then Bill would have to move out. For a while, at least. He couldn't live with someone who hated him for something he had no right hating him for.

He slammed the door of his room shut and started packing; his naïve side still expected Tom to follow him and finally apologise for his idiotic behaviour – but of course, he didn't. Tom was much too stubborn to ever take the first step.

Throwing some clothes and his most important belongings into the suitcase, Bill then got dressed swiftly, sliding on his sunglasses and pulling the hood of his sweatshirt over his head. Then he pulled the heavy suitcase down the stairs and rolled it to the front door.

"Where do you think you're going?" Tom asked, and Bill almost smiled triumphantly when he _finally_ got a reaction out of Tom – one he wanted anyway. He turned around and shoved his sunglasses up on his head, meeting his brother's eyes.

"I can't stay here while you're being like that. Call me when you've calmed down and I might come back."

Tom stared at him for a long moment, then narrowed his eyes and folded his arms over his chest. "Are you going to see him?" he asked, his mouth a tight, angry line.

Bill had actually not thought about where he was going; but now that Tom suggested visiting Joop, Bill couldn't help raising an eyebrow provocatively and smiling a little. "You know, I might, actually. Do you have a problem with that?"

Tom narrowed his eyes and flipped him off, walking back into the living room. "Nope. Do whatever the fuck you want. But don't come crawling back to me when he breaks your heart."

Bill frowned but finally gave up. If Tom really wanted to make things better between them, he would stop him. With his stupidity, he was sending Bill straight into Joop's arms – so he had no right to complain about Bill preferring the older man's company to his own brother's.

And this wasn't about wanting to protect Bill and keep him from getting hurt. Tom was being an idiot. It was about him not being the centre of attention. That was the only thing it could be about. Any other explanation Bill could come up with just didn't make any sense.

"Fine," he muttered and slammed the door shut behind him, getting into his car.

***

Bill didn't know for how long he was driving before he finally pulled over and buried his face in his hands. He rubbed his face tiredly and ran a hand through his hair before reaching for his phone and scrolling down until he'd found Joop's number.

He'd considered driving home and visiting his mother and Gordon. But she would ask questions and possibly call Tom, and he wasn't ready to deal with her right now. He didn't want her to know they were fighting, and besides, there was no reason for her to get involved. So he would stay away from home, for now. Georg's or Gustav's place was another option, but Bill was pretty sure they were still disgusted with him. Or if they weren't, they would be curious and ask questions and try to get Bill and Tom back on speaking terms, and Bill just wanted to get away from everything right now. So he dismissed the idea of spending time with Georg and Gustav, too. Joop was the only person he wanted to see right now, so after some more hesitation, he dialled the man's number and pressed the phone to his ear, almost holding his breath as he waited for him to pick up.

"Joop?"

"Hey," Bill said, a smile appearing on his face when he heard the other man's voice. "It's Bill."

"Oh hello, darling," Joop said, audibly pleased to hear from him. Bill let out a sigh of relief; if Joop wasn't sick of him, then maybe he really would let him stay with him for a while.

"Hey," Bill said again. "So, I was wondering. Are you still in Paris? Because I don't have to work for the next few days, so I thought I could come back there and stay with you for a while… unless that's a problem. I wouldn't want to get in your way or keep you from working, or..."

"Nonsense, darling. Of course you can come. I'm still in Paris, yes, and my work here is pretty much done, so just come over. I'd love to be able to spend a few more days with you. There are still so many things here in Paris that you haven't seen yet. Our last encounter was so short; I would love to get an opportunity to get to know you a little better."

Bill smiled, letting out a sigh of relief. "Oh great. Thank you so much. I'll be on the first flight I can get."

They hung up after a few minutes, and Bill took a deep breath as he ran his still slightly shaky fingers through his hair. If Tom didn't want him, he knew at least someone who obviously enjoyed his company. He pulled back onto the road and started driving to the airport where he, unfortunately, had to wait for about three hours before he could get on the next plane to Paris. Still, it was worth it.

As he looked out of the window when he drove through Paris in the taxi, he almost felt at home. Tom and everything else suddenly seemed far, far away and he was back in his little dream world – or Paris – where nothing was ever wrong.

He looked up at the big, gorgeous building that Joop had given him the address to. It didn't seem to be a hotel but an apartment building, and Bill stared up at it, slightly dreamy-eyed. Joop even owned a flat in Paris. How could he not want to spend time with this guy? He was tall and handsome, smart, successful, wealthy, charming, funny; he was what Bill had always dreamed of.

He got out of the cab, paying the slightly grumpy taxi driver generously and thanking him with a smile as he helped him carry the heavy suitcase into the building. The doorman called Joop and a few minutes later, a wide smile spread over Bill's face when he got pulled into Joop's warm, welcoming embrace. He was wanted here; not like at home. This was going to be good. A few days away from Tom would be good for both of them. And maybe afterwards, they would be able to move on.

"You look tense," Joop commented after they'd made their way upstairs and Bill's jaw had dropped as he'd taken a look around the amazing duplex. It was generously furnished in a style that Bill could find no description for. It was partly modern and partly old-fashioned with many probably heinously expensive antiques. The walls were decorated with artworks that Joop had probably painted himself, and Bill was overwhelmed with a sudden feeling of homeliness. He could imagine spending more time here than he'd first anticipated.

He shivered when he felt Joop come up behind him and moaned contentedly when the other man's hands slid onto his shoulders, massaging the tension right out of his body. Bill closed his eyes and sighed, leaning back into the touch and rolling his shoulders as the tension eased out of his body.

"I am," Bill admitted after a while, his eyes closed, head leaned forward as Joop's hands travelled down his back, still rubbing expertly. "I had a fight with Tom."

Bill wasn't surprised when Joop didn't react; he'd already noticed that a few days ago when they'd shot Durch die Nacht. Every time he'd mentioned Tom, Joop had turned silent, an odd expression on his face. While usually Bill would hate anyone who didn't like Tom, Joop's apparent dislike for his twin was more than welcome right now. He needed someone to be on his side, and Joop clearly was.

Pushing any reminder of Tom far into the back of his mind, Bill finally turned around, giving Joop a small, almost shy smile. "Thank you," he said. "For the amazing massage and for letting me stay here. This place is incredible. Did you paint those?"

He walked over to the wall covered with a huge, colourful painting, studying it thoughtfully. He felt Joop's arms slide around his waist and suppressed a smile, leaning into the other man and closing his eyes.

"I did, yes," Joop said, his breath tickling Bill's ear and sending shivers down his spine. "Do you like it?"

"I do," Bill murmured, swallowing hard as he tilted his head ever so slightly, exposing his neck to Joop who took the hint and started kissing Bill's neck. Bill almost purred at the soft touches and turned around after a moment, wrapping his arms around Joop's neck and pressing their lips together in a long, slow kiss.

Joop's large, elegant hands rested on his lower back and pulled Bill closer until their bodies were pressed flush together. Bill shivered when one of those hands slipped under his shirt, caressing his bare skin. Bill's back arched and he let out a surprised moan when he felt Joop's erection press into his own, separated by only two thin layers of clothing. Bill's eyes fluttered closed and he parted his lips, giving the older man access to his mouth and wordlessly giving him permission to do whatever he wanted to do to him. Joop had that effect on him where Bill would say yes to just about anything Joop might suggest. He had never felt this way before; the butterflies in his belly were almost driving him crazy.

He slid his hands up into Joop's hair, rubbing the soft strands between his fingers as he deepened the kiss, their tongues sliding along each other in a surprisingly passionate yet slow kiss. Bill felt his body temperature rise, his want for the other man completely overwhelming.

"I want to see your bedroom," Bill breathed when the kiss broke for a few moments, and Joop just gave him a brief nod, their hands finding each other as Joop led him up the stairs. Bill followed, licking his lips as his hard cock pulsed in his pants in anticipation for what was about to come.

This was just what he needed right now. A shag to take his mind off of everything. He had no doubt that it would blow his mind just as much as it had the first time they'd been together.

Bill swallowed hard as they entered the bedroom and he looked out of the large window that showed the amazingly beautiful sunset over Paris. Bill was sure he had never before experienced anything this romantic. Joop's hands were on his hips again and Bill found himself shivering when his shirt was peeled off of him by skilled hands that then slid up his sides, fingers tracing the large tattoo covering his side.

Bill closed his eyes when Joop's lips travelled over his neck and shoulder and he pressed his ass against the other man's groin, unable to stop himself from rubbing against him almost desperately. He reached behind himself and tangled his fingers into Joop's hair, long fingernails grazing the back of the older man's neck.

The spell was broken by the insistent vibrating of his phone in his pocket and Bill groaned in annoyance, resisting the urge to grab the phone and throw it out of the window. Knowing he might need it again at some point, he instead just pulled it out of his pocket, rejected the call and turned it off, tossing it onto the red velvet armchair in the corner of the room. He reached down and opened his zipper, letting out a relieved sigh when his cock sprang free and he stepped out of his trousers.

He moved away from Joop for only a moment, turning around to kiss the other man again as he started undoing the buttons of Joop's shirt, fingers moving surprisingly skilfully, considering his sudden nervousness. He didn't know what it was about Joop; but somehow, he always made Bill feel like a virgin. He rolled his eyes inwardly as that clichéd thought occurred to him, but Bill couldn't help it. He felt inexperienced and powerless when faced with the older man whose every touch seemed to send jolts of pleasure through his entire body. He pressed open-mouthed kisses to Joop's neck, his back arching when the older man's hand slid down it and finally rested comfortably on his ass.

"Oh god," Bill whispered when Joop's fingers stroked along his crack, making his hole twitch and practically beg to be fucked. Joop's finger brushed Bill's entrance, eliciting another moan from him while Bill's fingers worked to open the button and zipper of Joop's pants, desperate to get his hands on that cock again.

A contented sigh escaped his lips as he wrapped his fingers around it, stroking him firmly. He brushed his thumb over the head, smiling at the sharp intake of breath coming from Joop. He loved that he could make the other man feel like that. It made him feel oddly powerful.

They kissed again as Joop guided them over to the bedside table and broke the kiss just briefly to pull out a tube of lube and a condom. Bill felt Joop's hand press against his chest, pushing him onto the bed and manoeuvring him into a position that had Bill on all fours with his ass up in the air. He licked his lips, his fingers digging into the soft satin sheets in anticipation. His head fell forward and he moaned loudly when Joop pushed two fingers inside him without further ado. He bit his lip hard, pushing back against the questing fingers that pressed against his prostate and made Bill see stars again.

He'd had sex before with some other guys, and none of them had known how to touch him. None of them had made his knees turn into jelly and his head spin like this. He clenched around the other man's fingers, panting when Joop scissored his fingers and breathed heavily against his neck. "Fuck, Bill," he muttered and another shiver ran down Bill's back as he tried to resist the urge to reach down and stroke himself to completion.

He pushed back against Joop's fingers as they began to fuck him in earnest and silently begged for more; unable to ask for it coherently. Joop added a third finger, stretching him almost painfully before the welcome pressure to his prostate suddenly stopped. Bill let out a whine and glanced over his shoulder, licking his dry lips as he watched Joop pull over the condom and slick his cock with two expert strokes. Their eyes met, and the little smirk that passed over Joop's face almost sent Bill straight over the edge even before the older man has positioned himself behind Bill.

"Oh god, please," Bill moaned when Joop gripped his cock and rubbed the tip of it against his hole, teasing him without actually giving Bill what he wanted. "I need you. Just… do it, _please_."

Joop chuckled and Bill didn't even recognise his own voice when a truly animalistic groan came out of his mouth when he felt Joop's cock push past the first ring of muscles. His body clenched hard around him, a sweet mixture of pain and pleasure shooting up his spine as Joop slid in until he was buried deep inside him. Bill tried to keep his muscles from twitching around Joop's length and he shivered violently, hands tugging at the satin covers on the bed as he pushed his ass against Joop's.

He had never been filled like this and had only just adjusted to Joop's dick when the other man started moving, his thrusts light, shallow and _not enough_. They were slow – almost painfully so – and Bill couldn't handle the teasing anymore; he needed it hard and fast.

Joop seemed to realise that because a moment later, he pulled out almost entirely only to thrust back into Bill and straight into his prostate. "Oh GOD," Bill gasped, falling forward as his arms gave in, his face pressed into the pillow. He turned his head and sucked in a sharp breath as Joop continued to fuck him, each thrust hitting its target and making Bill's stomach flutter uncontrollably.

"Ah, so close," Bill whimpered. "Harder. Just a little… Nghh god, yes."

His eyes rolled into the back of his head when Joop leaned forward, his chest pressed against Bill's back, his lips brushing his neck and shoulder with surprising gentleness. Bill reached behind Joop, digging his nails into the other man's skin, making him hiss in pleasure and pain.

"Harder," Bill murmured again. "Just a little m- Oohh!"

His hips jerked forward when he felt the familiar waves of intense pleasure wash over him and he came all over the bed sheets. He almost felt bad for soiling the beautiful sheets – but at the same time, he really didn't care because his orgasm didn't seem to stop for minutes. He was a bit disappointed when he didn't feel Joop come inside of him, wondering why the other man had chosen to use a condom this time when they'd done it without the previous time.

Bill gasped softly when Joop pulled out of him and he rolled over onto his side, watching Joop get rid of the condom and pull the stained sheets out from under him – there was another layer below this one, which made Bill grin and wonder if Joop had planned this before.

Catching their breaths, they lay on the bed, spent and sweaty with Bill snuggled into the older man's side. His eyes were drooping as the exhaustion of fighting with Tom for two entire days washed over him. Joop's hand which was gently stroking his hair didn't help matters and only minutes later, Bill found himself drifting into a deep sleep as Joop covered him with the soft, warm sheets.


	4. Punch

Bill wasn't surprised to wake up alone the next morning. It seemed to be late morning or even early afternoon already, and he had expected Joop to be an early riser while Bill himself tended to sleep all day if no one woke him up. In fact, it was quite surprising that he was awake already.

Rolling over to glance at the alarm clock on the night stand, Bill's suspicion was confirmed; it was 2 pm. He rolled back onto his back, snuggling more into the warm, soft sheets, a smile spreading over his face as he stretched contentedly, feeling perfectly sated and rested. Coming here had obviously been a very good idea. He rubbed his face and pushed himself up, spotting his cell phone on the armchair. For a moment, he considered switching it on to check how many phone calls and messages from Tom he'd received last night, but changed his mind immediately.

If there weren't enough, he would get upset about the fact that Tom clearly didn't care about him. If there were too many, he would get upset over Tom being a dick and wanting to fix things between them _now_ while he'd had the chance to make up with him while Bill had been at home, right in front of him. Since he didn't like being upset, he decided to keep his phone switched off for the time being and slid out of bed, stretching languidly.

He walked to the window, naked, sighing happily as he looked over Paris, not at all bothered by the fact that anyone who happened to look up would see him naked. He stretched again and yawned heartedly before reluctantly removing his eyes from the breath-taking view, and looked around for something to wear instead.

He found a large white shirt of Joop's and grinned as he pulled it on, along with his own boxer briefs from the previous day. His suitcase was still downstairs, so he would change into something fresh later. He looked at himself in the mirror and had to laugh; he'd always dreamed about wearing his lover's shirt the way women often did in the movies. He ruffled his mess of hair and wiped away some of the smudged makeup with his fingers before making his way down the stairs to go looking for food.

When he walked into the living room, however, he stopped abruptly, his face flushing in embarrassment when he realised that Joop was not alone. Of course he wasn't. It made perfect sense that he would work at home, Bill realised now that he thought about it. Trying to back away quietly and escaping without anyone noticing him failed, however, because just when he was about to leave the room, Sarah, Joop's "muse", looked up, a wide smile on her face when she spotted Bill.

"Oh hi, Bill!" she said cheerfully and Bill felt himself flush crimson when Joop and the other two men who were sitting around the coffee table, looking at what Bill assumed were new fashion designs, looked up as well.

"Hey," he said awkwardly, trying to pull the shirt down to cover his bare thighs. His outfit was highly inappropriate for a business meeting.

"Good morning, darling," Joop said, and Bill shivered at the look that briefly crossed the older man's face. "Up already?" Joop smirked a little and Bill's cheeks heated up even more as he wished the ground would open up and swallow him whole. He'd never felt more embarrassed in his _life_.

"Yeah," he said awkwardly, trying to cover his embarrassment with a lopsided grin. "Sorry, I didn't want to disturb you. I wasn't aware you had company." He lifted a hand to point behind himself to where the kitchen was. "I'm gonna get some coffee, if that's all right."

"Of course, darling. We'll be done here in a little while," Joop said before sliding his glasses back on and turning back to whatever the four of them were working on.

Bill took a deep breath as he made his way into the kitchen, closing the door behind himself. He leaned against it for a moment and closed his eyes, banging his head against the door and groaning. "Stupid," he muttered, rubbing the back of his head. "All right. Coffee."

He made some coffee and toast, eating his breakfast alone. Joop, Sarah and the two men whose names he didn't know were still working when Bill finished his meal, so he took his suitcase, which fortunately still stood in the hallway, upstairs and went into the bathroom.

He took off his clothes and stepped into the shower, enjoying the sensation of the warm water against his skin as he washed himself thoroughly. When he was clean and dry, he followed his usual bathroom ritual by drying his hair and putting on makeup.

Kneeling down by his open suitcase, he pondered for a moment, wondering if Joop had plans for them later, and what the suitable outfit for the day would be. He finally chose tight jeans and a slightly baggy t-shirt, and when he was ready and fully dressed, he went back downstairs and into the living room, where Joop was now alone.

"Hey," he said softly, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room and giving the older man a small smile. "Sorry about earlier; I didn't know you had company.

Joop looked up, taking off his glasses as he leaned back and held out an arm, indicating for Bill to come and sit on his lap – which Bill immediately did. He greeted Joop with a kiss, smiling when the older man's hand slid around the back of his neck. "I thought it was charming," Joop said with a small grin, and Bill rolled his eyes, laughing.

"Yeah, but I didn't ruin your business meeting, did I?" Bill asked, sounding a little anxious.

"Not at all," Joop said, shaking his head. "We were just discussing the spring line for next year. I'm thinking about changing the concept a little, now that I have some new inspiration."

Bill raised a brow in interest, giving Joop a curious look. "New inspiration?" he asked cluelessly.

"Well, yes," Joop said, giving him a significant look, and Bill's eyebrows shot up when he realised that Joop was talking about _him_. He was Joop's new inspiration? His new muse?

He wondered what Sarah would have to say to that…

His eyes fluttered closed when Joop pulled him closer for a long, intense kiss, and sighed in disappointment when the kiss broke only a few minutes later.

"Since I don't have to do any more work today, I thought I could show you some of my favourite places here in Paris," Joop said, leaning back against the couch, his hand resting comfortably on Bill's hip. "We didn't really get to see much the last time you were here, and we can have a more extensive sightseeing tour without the cameras, I would think."

Bill smiled, his eyes lighting up a little at the prospect of getting to see more of Paris. "I'd like that," he admitted, leaning forward to snuggle into Joop a little, closing his eyes at the comforting smell of the other man's cologne. He rubbed the tip of his nose against Joop's neck and kissed it lightly, looking up curiously when Joop chuckled.

"If you want to see Paris, you'd better not do that," he pointed out, and Bill grinned, seeing Joop's point.

"All right," he sighed heavily and got off the man's lap. "Let's go then."

Joop glanced up at him, his eyes a little darker than before. "Are you sure? Because we could stay in here, too. I'm sure we could find a few things to do that don't require leaving the house at all…"

Bill grinned, raising an eyebrow seductively but taking a step back when Joop moved to reach for him again. "Later," Bill protested, surprised at his own self-control. He _did_ want to spend some more time with Joop alone, preferably in that amazing bed of his, but first he wanted to see Paris. "Let's go."

"If you're sure," Joop said, looking disappointed for a moment before getting up as well, and getting ready to take Bill out on a romantic stroll through Paris.

***

"We shot an episode for Arte a few days ago, that's how we met for the first time," Bill said, a small smile on his face as he drew back a little when the reporter's microphone was almost jammed into his face. "We got along instantly and I would say we're pretty close friends now."

He glanced at Joop who just nodded, his arm casually draped around Bill's shoulder. "We're working on some clothes together," Joop said then, probably in order to provide an explanation for the fact that they were together again only a few days after their first meeting. "That's why Bill is still here in Paris with me."

They concluded the brief interview a couple of minutes later and Bill let Joop lead him away to meet some of his friends. He sipped his punch, looking around at the guests of the party that Joop had taken him to after they'd concluded their sightseeing tour. He nodded when he spotted some familiar faces, then made small talk with Joop's friends, pretending to be interested when really, he just wanted to be alone with Joop for a while.

The party was okay. The music wasn't too bad, there was a bar and food, and after a while, they seemed to have finally talked to all of Joop's friends, and could stand away from everyone on their own for a little while.

"I hate these events," Joop said, heaving a heavy sigh. Bill looked at him curiously, taking another sip of his punch. "But I do have to show my face in public every once in a while. We don't have to stay here for a long time, though. Just tell me if you're getting bored and I will make up some excuse, so we can leave."

Bill smiled, shaking his head and shivering a little when Joop's hand brushed his own. "I'm all right. I don't mind, really. We can stay a little longer. The punch is reeeally good." He nodded enthusiastically and sipped some more of it, grinning when Joop let out a laugh. He felt pleasantly tipsy, and the music seemed to get better, the more he drank.

He set another empty glass onto the bar, leaning against Joop a little. They were standing in a dark corner of the club and from what Bill could tell no one was paying them any attention, so he could lean in a little closer without anyone noticing.

"Still," Joop said after a moment as his arm slid around Bill's waist, his hand resting just above the curve of Bill's ass. "I'd rather have you all to myself."

Bill smiled sweetly and leaned into the touch, meeting Joop's eyes. His grin widened a little when something occurred to him. He knew it was risky, but he was drunk enough not to care. And he'd dreamed about doing something like this for a long time. Maybe it was time to just do it and be a little slutty. Besides, Bill was good at making up the little white lie every now and then, so he was sure he would come up with a suitable explanation, should they get caught.

"Bathroom," he said softly as he leaned in. "Follow me in a couple of minutes."

He raised an eyebrow, enjoying the slightly shocked look that crossed Joop's face before he turned around and walked off to find the bathroom, making sure to swing his hips a little when he felt Joop's eyes on him.

He slipped into the bathroom, making sure that he was alone. He waited for a couple of minutes and was not surprised when the door opened only a short time later and Joop stepped in as well. "What is on that evil little mind of yours?" Joop asked, but Bill could tell that he was intrigued.

He grinned a little, then walked to the door and locked it, grateful for the fact that it was a proper bathroom rather than a few separate cubicles, which wouldn't give them the privacy they needed.

He slid his arms around Joop's neck and smiled innocently, raising an eyebrow as he leaned in to kiss him, enjoying the low moan Joop made in the back of his throat. He deepened the kiss slowly, pressing his body against the older man's, pleased but not surprised when he realised that Joop was already hard for him.

He gently pressed him against the wall and got down onto his knees, looking up at him with a promising look as he undid the other man's trousers, slowly pulling down the zipper and licking his lips as he came face to face with Joop's tented boxers.

"Mmmhh, what do we have here?" he purred as he slid the boxers down as well and rubbed his cheek against Joop's warm cock. He wrapped his hand around the base and breathed over the head of it, his eyes fluttering as he slid the tip of it between his lips. He smiled as he flicked his tongue around the head, scooping up the few drops of pre-come that had already gathered at the slit. He pressed his tongue stud against it, grinning inwardly when Joop moaned loudly.

Fortunately, the music was loud enough to make sure that no one would hear them. They would only be in trouble if someone needed to use the bathroom, but Bill was confident about his cock-sucking skills and knew that he would be able to get Joop off in only a few minutes. Joop had a lot of control for a man his age, but seemed to have a weakness for Bill's talented mouth.

He slid more of Joop's cock into his mouth, sucking lightly, then a little harder, hollowing his cheeks and making soft little noises that he knew Joop enjoyed. He closed his eyes and moaned a little louder when Joop's hand slid down into his hair, pushing him further down on his cock in an attempt to control Bill's movements. Bill didn't mind and let him, removing his hand from Joop's cock and relaxing his throat to accommodate all of Joop's length. He kept his eyes closed, brows furrowed a little when Joop thrust into his mouth, fucking it without being too rough. Bill loved that Joop didn't hold back but was always careful not to hurt him.

When the jerks of Joop's hips became more uncontrolled, Bill drew back, recognising the signs of Joop's impending orgasm. He rubbed the sensitive underside with his tongue, rubbing his piercing against it as he let his eyes open again to stare into Joop's. That was all it took for the other man to come, and a moment later, Bill's mouth was flooded with come, which he swallowed expertly. Usually, he liked letting men come over his face, but since he knew he would still have to face the other party guests, he decided to do it this way.

Licking his lips and giving Joop a satisfied grin, he helped him pull his pants back up and stuff his cock back into them before he got up and walked over to the mirror.

There was a light sheen of sweat on his forehead and upper lip, and his makeup was slightly smudged. Bill tried to fix it as much as he could but he didn't have much time before there was an insistent knock on the door. He thought quickly and wrapped an arm around Joop's shoulder as he unlocked, then opened the door, coming face to face with a man who looked at them with wide eyes.

Bill cleared his throat and rubbed his belly. "Those salmon puffs really didn't agree with me," he said, faking sickness, and the man seemed to buy it as he gave him a sympathetic look, letting them get out of the bathroom before he locked the door behind him.

Bill and Joop both snickered as they left the party to go back to the apartment and celebrate some more on their own.

*** *** ***

"I can't believe he would be this careless!" Tom spat as he stared at his computer screen in shock, Georg and Gustav towering behind him, their eyes also glued to the screen as the three of them read the headlines of the most up-to-date celebrity gossip pages.

Georg was the first one to lose interest and opened the window, leaning against the sill as he lit a cigarette.

"It's so obvious that they're shagging," Tom said, sounding miserable as he clicked through the series of pictures that showed Bill and Joop walking through Paris hand in hand before he watched the video of the interview Bill had given at some party the previous night. His hand tightened around the mouse when Joop slid an arm around Bill's shoulder, his grip clearly possessive and more than just a friendly gesture. "When did Bill become such a slut? Look! He's staring at Joop as if he's a god or something. Jesus fucking Christ."

Gustav, still behind him, rolled his eyes and shrugged, moving to sit down on the couch. "Why did you let him go back to Joop anyway? I don't think you have the right to complain when it's your fault, Tom."

Tom whirled around, a furious expression on his face. "My fault? How is this my fault? You know Bill. No one can stop him when he's made up his mind about something."

Gustav sighed. "I know that, Tom. I'm not saying it's your fault Bill slept with Joop that first time. But it is your fault that he went back there. It's clearly a reaction to the way you treated him. You showed your dislike for Bill's choice of bed partner very clearly the other day. I think Bill really didn't like the fact that you shared his little sex stories with us."

Tom got up, balling his fists at his sides. "So you're saying that I made him run back to Joop?"

Gustav seemed to contemplate that for a moment before he nodded. "Clearly."

"How can you even say that?" Tom asked, staring at him blankly. "I told him I didn't like the fact that he fucked the old wanker. Am I not entitled to my own opinion anymore? We had a fight; it's not my fault Bill ran away instead of confronting me."

Gustav snorted, staring up at Tom incredulously and rising to his feet. "Bill didn't face _you_? Tom, from what I can see, you ignored him for two days and rejected all of Bill's attempts to make up with you." He reached for the rumpled piece of paper with the lyrics Bill had written. "Here. He wrote a goddamn song to ask you for forgiveness and you still ignored him. How can you be such a dumb-ass, Tom?"

Tom looked about ready to murder Gustav. "That song is _not_ about me! What the fuck – I thought you were on _my_ side here!"

"I am!" Gustav snapped, looking seriously pissed now. "I am on your side. I don't like the idea of Bill with that guy any more than you do. But the fact that you don't see any fault with your own behaviour in this situation is just plain dumb, Tom."

"Fuck you," Tom snapped, and nothing could've prepared him from the completely unexpected punch that hit his nose a second later. He stumbled backwards, hitting his computer chair and reaching up to hold his nose, his eyes widening when his fingers were stained with some blood.

"What the fuck, Gustav?" he snapped, staring at his friend in shock. Gustav looked just as surprised as he did, and Georg just sat on the window sill, watching them, his cigarette long forgotten.

"I'm sorry," Gustav stammered, staring at his own fist as if it didn't belong to him. Then he squared his jaw and looked up at Tom defiantly. "But you deserved that."

Tom narrowed his eyes and was about to throw himself at Gustav but before the fight could get out of control, Georg was between them, his hands pressed flat against the other boys' chests, only letting go when Tom and Gustav stopped glaring at each other and seemed to calm down.

"Gustav, don't punch Tom. Tom, quit being a dick and think about what Gustav's saying. I'm not saying it's your fault that Bill's sleeping with Joop but your behaviour these last few days was definitely a contributing factor. And if you're this unhappy about Bill being with Joop, then do something about it and stop complaining. Go to Paris, find Bill, or just wait until he loses interest. I doubt Joop is the love of Bill's life or that he can possibly satisfy Bill's sexual appetite for much longer, so just sit back and wait until Bill comes back to you. But most of all," Georg said, taking a deep breath. "Calm the fuck down. You guys are behaving like two teenage girls with a crush on the same guy."

He rolled his eyes, then tended to Tom's nose while Tom thought about what Gustav had said. Maybe he did have a point. Tom had to get Bill back – which would be a little difficult, considering he had no idea where Bill actually was and he couldn't reach his brother because the bastard had either lost his phone or refused to turn it on.

He sighed heavily, glancing back at the pictures of Bill and Joop on the screen and wondering when his life had become this complicated.


	5. Missing You

"Tom. Tom. _Tom_ , are you in there?"

It wasn't until Georg waved a hand in front of Tom's face that Tom finally reacted, blinking as he stared at Georg as if he was seeing him for the first time. "What?"

"Nothing," Georg said, giving a shrug. "You just looked oddly thoughtful. I was worried."

Tom smacked his arm as Georg laughed and got up. "Your nose is fine now, by the way. You're welcome."

Tom wrinkled his nose and hissed in pain but looked up at Georg gratefully. "Thank you. And Gustav… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have directed my anger for Bill at you. I guess I get why you snapped. I must've been insufferable for a while."

"You're always insufferable," Gustav said dryly but there was a certain fondness in his eyes that made Tom grin. "But thanks. I appreciate the apology. Sorry for punching you, too. I just kind of lost it."

Tom waved it off; he had a feeling he'd actually needed that punch since his head felt much clearer now. He turned back to the computer, and after another look at the picture of his brother with the old guy, he closed the window and turned off the computer. He wasn't a masochist, most of the time, but he knew that he would torture himself by looking at the pictures some more later in the day. Maybe then he would be able to figure out why he was so upset about it – and what Bill saw in Joop. That was one of the things he really couldn't wrap his mind around. Bill could have anyone. So why did he want to spend his time with this… person?

"You do realise that you're jealous though, right?" Gustav asked then, and Tom looked at him with a frown.

"I don't think I'm jealous," he said, leaning back. His anger was gone, so he managed to consider it for a moment before shaking his head determinedly. "I'm not jealous. I know I'll always be in Bill's life while Joop is just a phase." He paused. "Of course Bill isn't in my life right now – and yes, I guess that's my fault." He sighed. "But he will come back to me at some point."

He glanced at his friends uncertainly because at this point, he wasn't sure Bill _would_ come back to him if he didn't apologise. He ran a hand over his cornrows and stood up. "Who wants to get drunk and watch a movie?"

They all agreed that this was the way to go and found themselves on the couch, watching a stupid guy-movie while eating popcorn and drinking way too many beers.

***

Later that night, after Georg and Gustav had gone back home, Tom turned on his laptop and drank his umpteenth beer while he stared at the pictures, letting his whole disgust for the situation run free. He sighed heavily and finally pushed the laptop back onto the table, rolling onto his back and staring up at the ceiling.

Whenever he thought about Bill with Joop, his stomach did a little flip and was in knots – a sensation that that made him feel ill. His heart constricted at the idea of Bill spreading his legs for someone that old and unattractive. But Bill didn't find him unattractive, did he? There had to be something about that guy that made Bill want to stay with him.

Maybe he had a giant cock. Tom grimaced, shaking his head. Bill needed more than that. He wouldn't be with a guy just for sex. But what else did Joop have that could possibly be attractive to Bill? Maybe he hadn't been all that bad-looking when he was younger. He was rich, he was smart, probably, but all of that just didn't seem to be enough for Bill to give himself to someone so willingly. Tom tugged on a braid, shaking his head when his mind went back to sex. It couldn't be just sex. Bill didn't _have_ 'just sex'. Even though Bill had mentioned that what he and Joop had was 'just fun', Tom knew it wasn't true. Bill was, after all, the one who always went on about 'true love' and finding his 'soulmate'.

His soulmate. Tom swallowed hard. Until Bill had started mentioning that he was looking for the One in interviews, Tom had always been sure that _they_ , the two of them, were soulmates. They had a closer relationship than anyone else in the world. They told each other everything. They had fights, obviously, but in the end, they were always there for each other and never spent more than a few days away from each other. And never without a thousand phone calls to make up for the distance between them. With a sinking feeling in his belly, Tom realised that Bill still hadn't called him. He missed Bill – almost physically. And suddenly, the idea of Bill wanting someone else, maybe even Joop, to be his soulmate came crashing down on him and Tom felt himself fighting back tears.

Bill was looking for someone else. Bill didn't want to be Tom's soulmate.

As the realisation sunk in, Tom sighed heavily. He _was_ jealous. Gustav was right. He was jealous of Joop. Jealous that Joop got to have Bill in a way Tom would never have his brother.

His eyes widened when the meaning of his thoughts became clear to him. He wanted his brother. He wanted his brother as more than a brother. He wanted Bill in a way brothers weren't supposed to want each other. They had an incredibly strong bond; a bond that no one could take away from them. But he wanted more.

For the first time in his life, Tom consciously thought about having sex with Bill. And while the idea alone made him blush and feel like the worst pervert in the world, his body reacted instantly to the idea of touching Bill that way, of sliding between his legs and pushing into him. Of being one with Bill.

He wanted to have sex with his baby-brother.

Oh god.

Tom sat up a little too quickly, his head spinning, both from the alcohol and that sudden, shocking realisation. How was it possible that he had never realised this before? When had his feelings for Bill changed? He'd never cared about Bill sleeping with other guys. Why was Joop different? Why did thinking about Bill and Joop in bed together cause these feelings of intense jealousy in Tom?

He stared at the pictures of Bill with Joop again and sucked in a sharp breath. It was undeniable. Now that he'd thought about it, he couldn't get the idea of being with Bill out of his head.

He wondered if this was what Gustav had in mind when he thought about Tom's jealousy. He doubted it. Gustav was a pervert but Tom was pretty sure that Gustav would never think _that_ far. No one would. It was wrong in so many ways but Tom knew that it was the reason for his feelings of intense hate towards Joop.

He wanted to be in Joop's place. He wanted to be the one who got to take Bill out, walk with him through Paris hand in hand. He wanted to be the one who took Bill to bed at night, who kissed him lovingly, passionately, and then ran his hands all over Bill's beautiful body.

If someone had asked Tom how he felt at that moment, he couldn't have answered them. Jealous, obviously. And sick. He felt like a sick, sick pervert for having sexual thoughts about his little brother. But now that he'd thought about it, he knew he couldn't get the idea out of his head.

But Bill could never know. If Bill knew, it would change everything between them. Bill clearly didn't have the same feelings towards Tom, so he could never find out. He would be disgusted, probably even more disgusted than Tom had been when he'd found out about Joop. Tom couldn't handle the idea of losing Bill. He couldn't lose Bill. So he would make sure that Bill never found out.

But he had to get Bill back. The more time passed, the longer Tom didn't hear from Bill, the worse he felt. He needed his brother back. He would even apologise. It was his fault that Bill had left – he knew this now. So he needed to get over his hate for Joop and just apologise to Bill, maybe even tell him that it was okay for him to see Joop.

But he needed Bill to talk to him. He needed to get him back.

Reaching for his phone, he tried Bill's cell, almost sobbing when he realised that Bill's phone was still switched off. Then he started sending him texts, urging Bill to turn on his phone, even though he knew Bill obviously wouldn't read the texts until he _did_ turn on his phone.

After sending too many messages, Tom made himself turn off his laptop and go to bed. He was tense, missing his brother so much that he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples, trying to ignore the pulsing in his cock. It was hard. It was rock-hard – probably harder than it had ever been before.

He was hard for his brother.

Tom took a deep breath, trying not to reach down and touch himself while fantasising about having sex with Bill. It felt like a betrayal, of sorts. Almost like taking advantage of Bill, even though the latter wasn't even present.

He lay in bed for long minutes, shifting uncomfortably when his hard-on wouldn't go away. He had to do something about it if he wanted to sleep at some point. Cringing a little, he finally gave in, sliding his hands beneath the covers and wrapping his fingers around his cock. He stroked himself fast and rough, needing to get this over with as fast as he could. He tried not to think about Bill as his hand moved up and down on his cock but it turned out to be impossible.

It was his brother's hand he imagined on his cock, his brother's face he saw when he arched up and came all over his hand. It was Bill's imaginary body he curled around when he was spent and panting heavily. And finally, he couldn't hold back the tears anymore. He pressed his face into the pillow and sobbed pathetically, his body shaking and aching when he realised that it might take days, even weeks before he could see his twin again, hold him in his arms and tell him that everything would be all right.

He cried himself to sleep, hoping that he would wake up to a life sign from Bill the next morning. But he didn't. Days went by and Bill never called him, never even texted him.

Tom had never felt more alone.

*** *** ***

Since the band was on a break, Bill decided to stay with Joop for a longer time than he had anticipated at first. He had no reason to go home. A part of him knew that he was being unreasonable and maybe even childish; he still hadn't turned on his phone which made it a little difficult for Tom to apologise and give Bill a reason to return home to his brother. It was also risky to stay unavailable for such a long time, too. If something came up, no one would be able to reach him.

But being with Joop felt like having a really good dream and Bill simply didn't feel like going back to the real world. He didn't want to deal with his brother; he didn't want to go back to his own life just yet. Spending time with someone like Joop was like nothing he'd ever experienced before. And he wasn't ready for it to end just yet.

The first few days were amazing and they spent almost all of their time together, enjoying Paris, having endless conversations about any subject they could think of, and making love, of course. Joop worshipped him. What they had together sounded like a sappy cliché but no one had ever made him feel the way Joop made him feel every single day. It was as if the other man knew exactly what Bill liked. He felt loved – even though he wasn't exactly sure if what he shared with Joop actually _was_ love. He didn't know if it would last forever. And it didn't matter, at the moment. Bill only knew wanted to spend more time with the older man, and be his lover for as long as Joop wanted him.

For the first time in many years, Bill felt almost normal. Not like a rock star who had practically no privacy whatsoever, but like a normal person. Of course, people still recognised him when he went out for a walk. He still had to sign autographs and take pictures with fans, and it wasn't as if he didn't enjoy that. He did. He still liked the attention. But he felt free without his bodyguards around, and the time away from Tom was good for him. He missed him, of course. He missed him every day. When something special happened with Joop, Bill's first instinct was to tell Tom. They had never spent more than a few days away from each other. But maybe spending time apart would help them get over their fight. Tom would see reason, at some point, and Bill would be able to forget how much of a dick Tom had been.

Days turned into weeks, and when Joop decided he had to go back to Germany, Bill followed him. He didn't like the idea of leaving Paris; he felt almost at home in the city of love, as it was often referred to. But he'd come to think that nothing would break the spell that seemed to be around him and Joop whenever they were together. Going back to Germany wouldn't change anything.

Or so he'd thought.

After the blissful days they'd spent in Paris doing nothing, Joop had certain obligations back in Germany. He had a pretty full schedule, and Bill had to spend a lot of time on his own, in Joop's apartment. Joop went to meetings in the early morning, leaving Bill to wake up alone. He often didn't return until late at night, which gave them very little time to invest in their relationship – or whatever they had. Bill was growing increasingly frustrated because even when Joop was at home, he had only little time for Bill.

They still had sex, of course. Sex seemed to be the only thing they did do. The stimulating conversation was gone, the hours just spent together exploring the world were gone, and all that remained was sex that was often fast and rough and unsatisfying.

Joop's birthday was just around the corner and Bill was surprised when Joop didn't even really include him in the party preparations. He was invited to the party, of course, but Joop seemed to prefer taking care of the preparations himself. Only when the party was almost fully planned did Joop take him to the venue, wanting to hear his opinion about the guest list, decorations, food and drinks. Bill didn't know what to say; he only knew two or three of the guests and the whole party was a little too fancy, for his taste. He preferred parties that were a little more casual – something where he could actually spend some time with his friends and talk to them. But Joop was older than him, and Bill had a feeling that this party was more of an obligation than an actual choice for Joop.

So he nodded, letting Joop show him everything. It _was_ nice. If he really hated everything, he would tell Joop so, but since he didn't feel it was his place to criticise Joop's party, he smiled sweetly, and told him that everything was perfect.

Joop's impending birthday also made him think more about the age difference between the two of them. He would turn 65, and suddenly, Bill started to realise that the man was actually 44 years older than him. He'd known this before, of course. Theoretically, Joop had told him his age the first time they'd met. But suddenly, it wasn't so hard for Bill to understand why Tom disapproved of their liaison anymore.

He was right, in a way. Bill was sleeping with a really old guy. He was ignoring his brother in order to be with this man. Maybe Tom had been right all along.

Sometimes, Bill even toyed with the idea of just breaking up with Joop. But at the same time, he was scared to do this. First of all, he'd come to learn that Joop had quite a temper. When he got angry, Bill was even a little afraid of him. He wasn't sure if Joop would actually use physical violence but he wasn't willing to find out yet. Besides, if he broke up with Joop and Tom _still_ didn't want to talk to him, he would be more alone than ever.

No, he would stay with Joop, at least until after the birthday party. Maybe then, things would go back to normal for a while, and he would have the chance to talk to Tom and make things right between them. They had plans in December. The band would go to Tokyo and South America – he _had_ to face Tom, at some point. For now, he would try to enjoy that birthday party, and consider his options afterwards.

Often, Bill found himself lying in bed at night, wide awake while Joop was asleep. He watched him sometimes; other times he thought about Tom and how much he was beginning to miss him. They weren't even that far away from each other. It wouldn't take much time and effort for Bill to get into a cab and drive back to Hamburg. He could put all their differences behind themselves, if he just took his phone and called his brother.

But Bill didn't. For some reason, he was still hurt that Tom had not supported his decision – even though Bill was also beginning to suspect that Tom might have been right all along. Maybe the age difference really was too big. Maybe he and Joop didn't have as much in common as Bill had originally thought. Maybe Joop was losing interested in him. Maybe he just wasn't enough for him anymore.

Groaning, Bill rolled out of bed one night, silently making his way down the stairs and turning on the lights in the living room as he sat down on the couch to stare at his phone. He bit his lip and hesitated but then decided to finally turn it on. His eyes widened when he saw that he had 13 texts, 54 missed calls and 2 voice mail messages.

Running a hand through his hair, he began to click through the calls he'd missed, his heart skipping a beat when he realised that about 90% of them were from Tom. Three of the texts were from his mother, two from Georg and Gustav and the rest from Tom.

He read them all, a little disappointed when he didn't see a concrete apology – but at least Tom had been thinking about him. And Bill suddenly felt terrible for not getting in touch with him. Tom was probably so worried…

After some consideration, Bill started typing a text message to Tom, unsure if now was the right time to break the long silence. Tom had actually made the effort to call and text him while Bill had done nothing. Maybe Tom wouldn't forgive him for needing some space. What if he didn't forgive him?

 _'I'm sorry for everything. I miss you'_ he typed into the text box, biting his lip as his finger hovered over the 'send' button. It was three am. If the text woke Tom up, he would probably call him, and Bill wasn't sure if he wanted to talk to Tom right now. He didn't want to have this conversation in the middle of the night, over the phone. He wasn't a coward; he wanted to do this in person. Sighing heavily, he deleted the message and tossed his phone onto the couch, sliding down and burying his face in the thick, comfy pillows.

Then he reached for his phone again and played Tom's voice message over and over until he fell asleep to the sound of his brother's voice.


	6. Birthday Party - Part 1

Bill looked at his reflection in the mirror and smiled a little. He'd outdone himself tonight. The tight dark trousers, the black, slightly see-through shirt that showed just a hint of his new belly-button piercing as well as the slightly older one through his nipple, and the black, shiny leather boots with the killer heels that Joop had given him, combined with maybe a little too much jewellery looked fantastic on him. And he usually didn't compliment his own appearance like this.

He applied a few final touches to his makeup, pushing his hair back before taking another long look at himself. Yes, he was pretty sure he'd chosen the perfect outfit for Joop's birthday party tonight.

This would drive Joop crazy all night, and maybe, at the end of the day, he would finally desire Bill the way he had during the first few days they'd been together. Despite his plans to leave the man, Bill had decided to give him another chance. The previous night, Joop had given him a little reminder of what he was able to do with his body. Maybe now, after his birthday, things would go back to the way they'd been before. Maybe it had been the stress of working and planning his birthday party that had made Joop distance himself from Bill a little. Maybe. Bill would find out tonight, he was sure.

Joop was already at the venue, greeting guests and making sure that everything was going smoothly, while Bill had decided to join the party a little later. He was going to make an entrance. He wanted everyone to look at him – especially Joop. And everyone _would_ look because he truly did look great. Maybe he'd even manage to make Joop a little jealous by flirting with some other guys.

He snorted when he realised that he seemed to be pretty full of himself tonight and wondered if he was finally becoming the vain, arrogant asshole some people might think he was. Shaking his head, he made his way downstairs and put his phone and wallet into his handbag before getting into the limo waiting for him in front of the building. He glanced out of the window during the drive to the party, wondering how this night would end.

He didn't know why but he had a feeling something important was going to happen tonight. Maybe Joop would propose. That random and completely ridiculous thought made him giggle, and the driver glanced into the rear mirror, giving him an odd look. Bill bit his lip and grinned to himself, relieved that he was in such a good mood tonight. He thought it might have something to do with the fantastic sex he'd had the previous night. Joop had obviously been looking forward to his party – or needing some stress relief or something – because he'd fucked him hard and good, and Bill's ass was still throbbing from the older man's rough thrusts.

He took a deep breath when they arrived in front of the gorgeous building where a horde of paparazzi and journalists were already waiting for the guests, most of whom were celebrities, of course, to arrive. Bill was sure he was one of the last ones to arrive, and after checking his appearance in his pocket mirror one last time, he let the driver open the door and help him out of the car, plastering a smile onto his face when the cameras clicked and flashed.

He answered some questions about his apparently very obvious affair with Joop with a small, practiced and secretive smile, then talked about his outfit and the band's plans for the coming weeks. Then he ended the interviews and made his way up the stairs, enjoying the looks he got when he entered the building.

The great hall was filled with people who were dancing, talking and clearly having a good time. Bill was relieved; Joop had been stressing about the success of his party but he obviously needn't have worried. Things were going perfectly.

Bill made his way to the bar and ordered a martini, sipping it as he leaned against the counter, waiting for Joop to spot him. The older man was talking to a couple of friends, but when he looked up, his eyes darkened visibly. Bill smiled slowly around his straw, sucking on it lightly, which clearly had the wanted effect on Joop. The man looked just about ready to sprint across the room and have Bill right there on the bar counter.

He watched Joop end the conversation rather abruptly, then smiled sweetly when he approached him, a seductive twinkling in his eyes when Joop stood in front of him.

"You took your time," Joop pointed out, raising his eyebrows ever so slightly. "But it was clearly worth the wait. You look fantastic, darling."

Bill grinned. "Thank you," he said, sucking on his straw again and sighing happily. "The party seems to be going great?"

"Definitely," Joop replied, taking a look around the room as well. "Earlier tonight, I felt like murdering some of the catering staff because they were completely incompetent but they seem to have handled the situation well."

Bill nodded; he didn't really feel like talking about catering or incompetent employees right now. Instead, he leaned in and kissed Joop's cheek lightly, leaving a trace of lip gloss on the older man's face. "Happy birthday, Wolfgang," he purred. "I didn't bring a gift but you'll get it tonight… if you behave."

He grinned at the sharp intake of breath and leaned back against the bar, looking innocently at the other man. Joop narrowed his eyes and sighed dramatically. "You will be the death of me."

The rest of the evening did unfortunately not go as well as the beginning of the party. Bill talked to some people he knew, surprised at the many common acquaintances he and Joop seemed to have. He had a good time, but again, found that he had to spend a lot of time on his own. He'd hoped that Joop would want to spend most of his time with him, but he was too busy being the perfect host to his impressive guest list to even look at Bill more than once or twice.

Sighing heavily, Bill wondered if anyone would notice if he just left. He had a feeling that it would take Joop much too long to even notice his disappearance, for Bill's taste. As the evening progressed, he felt himself get increasingly frustrated, and drank more and more to drown his loneliness in alcohol.

It was after midnight when he suddenly _desperately_ needed a smoke. When he returned from his fifth visit to the bathroom, he therefore made his way outside, finding an entrance the press hadn't discovered yet, and inhaled deeply as he lit his first cigarette of the evening. He had a feeling many would follow this one.

He was almost done smoking that cigarette when he suddenly felt a presence behind him and he shivered. Even without turning around, he knew exactly who it was – even though the idea of him being here seemed almost impossible.

"Tom," he breathed when he finally did turn around, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

Tom was the last person he'd expected to see here. Of course Tom had been trying to get in touch with him for weeks now, but he hadn't thought Tom would show up to this party unannounced. He looked his brother over, resisting the urge to throw himself at Tom and sob out a pathetic apology.

He cursed his small tolerance for alcohol – he was sure it was the booze that was making him feel like clinging to his brother like a desperate little koala. He busied his hands by running one of them through his hair and lighting another cigarette a moment later, not sure how to act around his brother. He realised that his own behaviour had been just as stupid as Tom's. Tom may have been an idiot for three days but Bill had just left and cut off all contact, which had, if he was entirely honest with himself, been even worse than Tom's behaviour.

"Hey Bill," Tom said softly, shuffling his feet awkwardly. Bill noticed that Tom was obviously dressed for the party; how his twin had expected to get in there without an invitation was beyond him, but he admired Tom's will to risk making a scene in order to see him. It made his stomach flutter a little and a goofy smile appear on his face. Because that was why Tom was here, right? To get him back?

"What are you doing here?" he asked not unkindly. "How did you know–"

"I asked around," Tom answered softly, still standing much too far away from him, for Bill's taste. "I looked up Joop's birthday on the internet because I remembered you mentioning that it was in November. And then I got David to find out where the party was going to be."

He nodded, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Bill… I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being a dick, I'm sorry for… not accepting your choices. I really didn’t mean to drive you away, and I'm just–"

Bill shook his head, silencing him with a wave of his hand. "Tomi – don't. This really isn't necessary. _I'm_ sorry for running away. I was just as much of an asshole as you were. I shouldn't have left; I should've stayed and made you talk to me. I know how hard it is for you to understand my feelings for Joop; I should've stayed with you and tried to explain."

He swallowed hard, and they looked at each other for another moment before Tom reached for Bill and pulled him into a tight hug. Bill closed his eyes and set his half-empty glass down on a garbage can, then tightened his arms around his brother, burying his face in Tom's neck, breathing him in. He shouldn't have worried about this; about their first meeting. It never took a long time for them to make up after a fight.

Tom's comforting smell made him feel at home, and only now did he realise how much he'd truly missed Tom. He couldn't believe he'd been away from his brother for such a long time and suddenly felt even worse than before. He nuzzled Tom's neck, his fingers tightening in his brother's thick sweatshirt as he tried to fight back the tears. The alcohol he'd consumed all night made him a little bit weepy – but the last thing he needed right now was a paparazzi pic of himself with smudged eyeliner and red eyes.

He drew back a little and looked into Tom's eyes, connecting instantly. He didn't let go of him, needing the physical contact to make up for the long time they'd spent apart. "I'm sorry," he whispered and Tom shook his head.

"It's okay, Bill. I forgive you, if you forgive me for being an idiot and not supporting you."

Bill nodded wordlessly and smiled breathlessly when he was pulled into another tight hug. "I missed you."

"I missed you too," Tom murmured, his breath warm on Bill's neck.

They stood like that for a seemingly endless moment that still ended too soon. Tom stepped back and played with his lip ring – and it was such a familiar and comforting habit that Bill couldn't stop the wide smile that broke out on his face.

"Come home with me, Bill," Tom said. "We're supposed to move to L.A. soon and there are so many things that need to be taken care of. And… I need you home with me."

The sound of Tom's voice made Bill shiver and he looked at him, chewing his own lip. "Okay," he said without a moment of hesitation. He knew that home with Tom was where he belonged. He just wasn't sure how Joop would react to the news that Bill was leaving him – either temporarily or permanently. "I will. I just… I need to say goodbye. And it's his birthday, so… Can you wait here? Or you can come in with me, if you like. I'm a special guest, so I should be allowed to bring a guest."

He smiled a little, relaxing when Tom returned his smile. Their fingers brushed and Tom nodded, letting Bill take his hand and pull him into the building. They entered the main room which was getting increasingly full with guests – the party was clearly a huge success. Bill looked around and spotted Joop in a corner, talking to some friends.

He turned to Tom. "Maybe you should stay here," he said softly. "I'm not sure how he'll react if he sees you, so… just wait and I'll be back as soon as I can, okay?"

Tom nodded, clearly reluctant to let Bill go so soon after their reunion, but letting go of Bill's hand anyway, ordering a drink as he waited for his twin to return to him.

Bill took a deep breath and strode across the hall, approaching Joop with a growing feeling of dread. What if Joop wasn't okay with him leaving? What if he didn't let him go?

No. Bill squared his jaw and shook his head. Joop couldn't keep him here against his will. He would have to deal with the fact that Tom was and always would be more important to Bill than anyone else. He waited for Joop's conversation with his friends to end, giving them a polite smile before he stepped towards Joop, cringing a little when Joop's hand slid onto his hip. It felt wrong for Joop to touch him this possessively now that Tom was here.

"I was thinking we could leave," Joop murmured into his ear before Bill could say anything. His breath smelled like alcohol; something strong, and Bill idly wondered how many drinks the older man had had. "I know you're probably bored, so I think I'm going to take you home and fuck your brains out. How does that sound?"

"That sounds… great," Bill said, his voice faltering a little. He closed his eyes when Joop's hand moved down, dangerously close to his ass. He stepped away determinedly, needing to do this now. Tom was here. Tom needed him, and he needed Tom. He couldn't go home with Joop tonight, even though he'd promised him a special birthday present.

"I need to leave," Bill said, hating that his voice shook a little. "On my own," he added when Joop gave him a grin. He licked his lips nervously. "There's something–"

"What is _he_ doing at my party?" Joop suddenly asked, his voice uncharacteristically loud and aggressive, and when Bill turned his head to see who Joop was looking at, he realised it could only be Tom.

He turned back to Joop. "Yeah, that's what I wanted to talk to you about," Bill said, a little nervous at the almost furious look on Joop's face. What was going on? He couldn't be _that_ angry about Bill leaving, could he? "I'm going home with Tom tonight."

Joop's eyes narrowed. "We're not doing this here," he murmured. Bill was about to say something else but Joop had grabbed his arm, his grip on it almost painfully tight, and pulled him towards the bathrooms, not giving Bill the chance to free his arm or protest. When they were in relative privacy, Bill's breath caught in his throat and he looked at Joop with wide eyes; the older man looked almost dangerous, the anger obvious in his entire body language. Bill swallowed hard and looked into his eyes, a surprised gasp escaping him when he was pushed against the wall.

"You're not leaving," Joop growled, pressing their lips together in a hard kiss that was clearly designed to make Bill want to stay with him. Bill tried to pull away but as it turned out, Joop was stronger than him, keeping his arms pressed to the wall as he continued to violate Bill's lips with his own. Bill turned his head but Joop immediately latched onto his neck, leaving bruises as he kissed it roughly.

"Wolf– Wolfgang, stop," Bill said, trying to push the other man away but Joop wouldn't budge. Panic began to overcome Bill; Joop couldn't really hurt him, could he? Not here anyway; anyone could come by and see them. He wouldn't risk tainting his reputation just to keep Bill here with him, would he?

At the moment, Bill didn't know what to think. He just knew that he wanted Joop to let go of him and let him leave with Tom, but Joop's grip on him became increasingly painful and Bill whimpered. "Stop it! I'm not going home with you tonight – let me go. You're drunk. Just–"

"Oh, but you promised me a special birthday present," Joop murmured against his neck, his voice slurring a little and making it even more obvious that he'd obviously had a few too many drinks. Which made sense; Joop would never be this possessive and almost brutal when he was sober. "And there's nothing that I hate more than people who break their promises." He growled and gripped Bill's chin firmly, pressing their lips together in another bruising kiss.

Bill's chest was rising and falling quickly, his eyes wide as panic overcame him. Black spots appeared before his eyes, and all Bill could do was hope that Tom would realise he was gone and come looking for him…

*** *** ***

Tom had just gone to the bar to get a drink, keeping his eye on Bill the entire time. He watched them like a hawk; the dark look on Joop's face had not escaped him and he was ready to step in, in case Bill was in danger. He really didn't trust Joop and he thought the older man was perfectly capable of hurting Bill. Bill may not see it; he was clearly naïve enough to believe that Joop loved him or something. Tom, however, could see through him, and had a feeling that Joop was not happy at the prospect of losing Bill.

He was about to go over there to help Bill with his argumentation when a woman tripped over someone's foot and almost landed half on top of Tom, her drink spilling all over his sweatshirt and jeans. Distracted for a moment, he tried to get the red wine stain off his shirt, trying to make the clearly drunk woman understand that it was okay, that she did _not_ need to touch him down there to try to get the stain off his pants.

When he'd finally got rid of her and looked up to where Joop and Bill had been standing only a minute before, his heart almost stopped when he couldn't see them. They were gone.

A feeling of dread filled Tom's body, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. Bill's panic seemed to seep into his own body, and he instantly knew that something was wrong.

His protective brother instincts kicked in as he started looking for them frantically, knowing that he would be screwed if Joop had taken Bill home; Tom would never be able to find them in that case. His heart started beating faster as his eyes scanned the crowd, growing increasingly panicked when he didn't see Bill or Joop anywhere.

He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples, forcing himself to take a deep breath. He had to be able to think clearly if he wanted to find them but his anger and hate for Joop was consuming him.

Tom couldn't be held responsible for what happened if Joop hurt Bill.

If the old bastard hurt _his_ Bill, he would be dead.


	7. Birthday Party - Part 2

What felt like hours but were probably only minutes went by when Tom continued looking for Bill and Joop, his heart beating faster the longer it took for him to find his brother. He was beginning to think that the two of them must've left the party and was ready to give up. He leaned against a wall and closed his eyes, trying to slow down his breathing and heartbeat. He felt so guilty for taking his eyes off of Bill, even though it couldn't have been for longer than a minute. Joop must've been watching him and chosen the exact moment the woman had spilled her drink over him to kidnap Bill. If Tom ever got his hands on that bastard…

He pressed his head against the wall and swallowed hard, then listened intently when he heard a voice he knew all too well – he'd spent the past weeks watching interviews with Joop on YouTube as he'd tried to come to terms with the idea of Bill dating this guy long term, all the while knowing that he would _never_ come to terms with the idea of Bill ever dating anyone.

The words and sound of that voice, however, made his blood cold.

"You're mine. You're mine until _I_ tell you otherwise, do you hear me?"

Tom tensed instantly and opened his eyes, looking around frantically, trying to figure out where the voice could've possibly come from. He couldn't see Bill or Joop anywhere, so he turned around and realised that there the wall he'd been leaning against was only a half-wall that seemed to hide the door to a bathroom – or something. Squaring his jaw, he took a breath as he walked around the corner, and sucked in a sharp breath when he saw Bill pressed against the wall, Joop's hand covering his mouth as the older man pressed his brother against the wall, his other hand between Bill's legs. One look at Bill's face was enough to let Tom know that Bill was _definitely_ not doing this willingly, and Tom was surprised at his own strength when he grabbed Joop by the collar of his shirt, pulling him off Bill roughly and shoving him against the wall opposite the one Bill was pressed against.

Tom was panting, blood rushing in his ears as he stared at Joop with a look of pure disgust, trying very hard not to punch the guy into a pulp right there and then. The urge to do so was almost impossible to fight but he remembered that they were at a party where anyone could see him.

"Are you okay, Bill?" he asked slowly, forcing himself to stay calm. The idea of Joop hurting his brother hadn't even occurred to him since that first night – Bill wouldn't stay in an abusive relationship, would he? He was smarter than that and knew to call Tom if that was ever the case. But now that he'd seen Joop in action, so to speak, he wasn't so sure anymore. He could very well imagine that Bill could be very naïve when he thought he was in love with someone. "Bill," he said again, his voice quiet, even though he felt like yelling. "Are you okay?"

A sob escaped Bill's mouth and he nodded as he moved behind Tom quickly, shaking visibly. Tom closed his eyes briefly, trying to gain control of his body, before he went back to glaring at Joop. "You stay away from him. Do you understand me? If you ever come near him again, I'm not going to be this gentle." He gave Joop a moment to let the words sink in before he turned back to his brother. "Bill, we're leaving."

He was proud of himself for being so calm; under different circumstances, he would've broken Joop's jaw and nose for even only considering hurting his brother. They were at a party, however, and the last thing Bill or any of them needed right now was bad press.

"He's not going anywhere," Joop snapped because he'd apparently not understood who was in charge here. Tom narrowed his eyes and shoved Joop against the wall again, his hands tightening in the older man's shirt. He stared at him dangerously, wordlessly letting him know what he was capable of doing when faced with someone who'd hurt his brother.

"Tom," Bill said urgently, interrupting Tom's thoughts. "Tom, let's just go. Please."

Tom took a deep breath and pushed Joop against the wall again before reluctantly letting go and reaching for Bill's hand instead, leading him away. He was almost out of earshot when he heard Joop's voice again.

"What? Can't handle the idea of someone else fucking your brother? You want him all to yourself, don't you?"

Tom stopped, his hand tightening on Bill's, and before he could stop himself, he'd turned around, closed the distance between him and Joop, and punched the man straight in the face. Joop stumbled back against the wall, his hand coming up to touch his split lip. He looked shocked; he clearly had no idea who he was dealing with.

Tom's eyes were narrowed to slits and he gave the older man one last warning look before he took Bill's hand again, leading him through the crowd of people who gave them curious looks but didn't seem terribly interested in them otherwise. He found the side exit they'd come in through after a moment, and led Bill out of the building, not saying a word on their way to his car. He didn't trust his voice right now, and the last thing he wanted to do was to yell at Bill.

Bill seemed to feel that Tom wasn't ready to say anything, so he kept his mouth shut too, getting into the car silently when Tom had unlocked it. As they sat beside each other and Tom's hands gripping the wheel until his knuckles turned white, Tom tried very hard to push back his anger. He inhaled deeply through his nose, trying to relax and let the anger seep out of him.

"Are you okay?" he asked again when he found his voice. "Because if you're not, I'm gonna–"

"I'm okay," Bill said quickly. "Really, I'm fine. Let's just go."

Tom nodded, swallowing hard, and not looking at Bill. If he saw the slightly smudged makeup and the panic that was still clear in his brother's eyes right now, he would end up doing something stupid. He sighed, only relaxing when the car pulled onto the freeway as they made their way back to Hamburg, leaving the party and Joop far behind them.

They were silent for a long time until Bill slid his hand over Tom's on the stick shift. Tom glanced over at his brother and relaxed further, lacing their fingers together and squeezing Bill's hand, hoping his brother was telling the truth about being all right. Because if Tom ever found out that this had not been the first time Joop had been this aggressive, then the old man wouldn't be safe anywhere. Tom would hunt him down until he'd found him, and then… Well. It wouldn't be pretty.

Bill was the first one to break the silence. "Can we pull over?" he asked softly, his voice a little strangled. "Tom, stop the car, please."

Tom glanced at his brother worriedly for only a second before he pulled over, just a second before Bill stumbled out of the car, managed to get over the crash barrier before he doubled over and threw up. Tom was by his side a second later, rubbing soothing circles over Bill's back and handing him a tissue when he was done. He gently brushed Bill's hair out of his face, meeting his brother's eyes. "Better now?"

Bill nodded, swallowing hard. "Had too much to drink," he murmured, and Tom nodded knowingly. He wasn't sure the alcohol was the only reason for this; Bill still seemed a little upset and Tom couldn't blame him for reacting like this. Their night had been more than eventful, and they both were exhausted.

After taking a few deep breaths, Bill did seem to feel a little better and they continued their way to Hamburg without any further incidents.

***

Back at their house, Tom took Bill into living room where Bill collapsed onto the couch, rubbing his eyes tiredly. Tom looked down at him worriedly; he had a feeling that Bill hadn't entirely recovered from the shock of Joop's aggressive attack, and swore that he would kill the man if it turned out that he'd left any permanent damages – physical or emotional.

He sat down beside Bill after getting him a glass of water which Bill gulped down eagerly. Tom's hand was back on Bill's back, rubbing it comfortingly, his arms sliding around Bill when his brother leaned against him. "You sure you're okay?" he asked softly, his voice a little muffled when he pressed his face into Bill's neck.

Bill nodded. "Yeah. I just… I just need some rest."

Tom nodded. "Do you want to stay here or can you manage to get upstairs?"

Bill looked at him and gave him a tired smile. "I think I can walk, Tom."

Tom shrugged, returning the smile. "Just checking."

He followed his brother upstairs a moment later, following him into Bill's room that had been empty for such a long time. It was comforting to see Bill back where he belonged.

Bill took off his shirt and pants after kicking off his shoes and Tom's heart skipped a beat when he watched Bill slip into a pair of comfortable sweatpants – and one of Tom's old t-shirts that Bill had been wearing to sleep in for years. It was one of the long baggy ones that reached Bill's knees, and Tom was struck by a sudden surge of love and adoration for his little brother, who looked even more fragile and vulnerable in his large clothes than he usually did.

"I can't believe you still have that old thing," he murmured, getting a grin from Bill.

"I love it," Bill said. "It still smells like you."

Tom's heart sped up for a moment and he couldn't stop the smile from spreading over his face as he watched Bill disappear in the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth.

He took a deep breath and sat down on the edge of Bill's bed, the adrenaline that had been coursing through his body ever since Bill's sudden disappearance slowly dissolving. He buried his face in his hands and rubbed his temples, relaxing now that Bill was safe and back where he belonged. Tom knew he would be watching Bill like a hawk for the next few days, still not convinced that Bill actually was as fine as he claimed to be.

He looked up when Bill came out of the bathroom and slipped under the covers of his bed. Tom looked down at him for a long moment. "All right, get some sleep," he said finally, reluctant to leave Bill alone – but he didn't want to be annoying and over-protective either. "We'll talk tomorrow."

He got up but Bill was faster, wrapping his hand around Tom's wrist and pulling him back down. "Tomi," he said and Tom's brows furrowed in worry at the insistent yet hesitant tone of Bill's voice. "Can you stay here tonight?"

Tom didn't even have to think about it and stripped down to his boxers and t-shirt, joining Bill beneath the still cool covers. He rolled onto his side, facing Bill. "You are okay, though, right?"

Bill nodded, giving him an encouraging smile. "Yeah. I will be. Just need some sleep."

Tom nodded and rolled onto his back to turn off the lights, moving closer to Bill as their combined warmth started to heat up the bed. Being in bed with Bill wasn't as innocent as it had once been. Of course Bill didn't know about Tom's newly-discovered feelings for him, and he would probably be shocked if he ever found out about them. Tom managed to shove them down; now was definitely not the time to try something with his brother. He didn't want to take advantage of Bill's current vulnerability, and just reached for his hand under the sheets, lacing their fingers.

Bill looked so tired, and Tom really wanted to give him the time to get some rest – but there was something Tom needed to know before he could let Bill fall asleep. "Bill," he whispered. "This hasn’t happened before, right? He never treated you like that before? I mean…" He paused and licked his lips, not wanting to push Bill into telling him something he didn't want to share with Tom. It filled him with sadness to think of anything Bill wouldn't want to tell him. "He was okay before tonight, right? He never hurt you, hit you, or… made you do something you didn't want to do?"

Bill met his eyes and shook his head after a moment, and Tom relaxed instantly, seeing the truth in Bill's eyes. "No," Bill whispered back. "He was always sweet until tonight. I think he didn't like the idea of you being more important to me than him. He's… He's an okay guy. He was just drunk tonight."

Tom nodded but frowned. "If he's like this when he's drunk, then I don't want you around him ever again, Bill. I just… fuck."

He rubbed his forehead and blinked when he felt Bill's hand on his waist, his touch calming and comforting. "Do you really think I would go back to him now?" Bill whispered and Tom relaxed further at the reassuring words.

He shook his head. "No. I didn't think so." He took a deep breath. "But it's good to hear it from you."

Silence fell over the room again, their fingers still laced. Tom rubbed his thumb over the back of Bill's hand and was almost sure that Bill had fallen asleep when he heard his brother's voice again. "Tomi?"

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry," Bill whispered, and the tone of his voice made him open his eyes again, his heart sinking when he realised that Bill was still worried about their fight. "For everything. I didn't mean to leave you alone for such a long time – I really should've turned on my phone that first night and none of this would've happened. I'm really sorry. I was an idiot – can you forgive me?" Bill bit his lip, their eyes locked. "I missed you so much – it hurts to be away from you. I don't know how I could do without you for such a long time."

Tom took Bill's hand and kissed the tips of his fingers lightly and reassuringly. If he was honest with himself, Tom had to admit that he was actually grateful for Bill leaving, now that he thought about it. Without their fight, he would never have figured out the true nature of his feelings for Bill. He wished there had been an easier way for him to figure this out.

"I'm sorry too," he said softly, squeezing Bill's hand with his own. "I think we both reacted stupidly, and I hope we can just forget about this and get through it. Are you still mad at me?"

Bill shook his head immediately. "I'm not mad at you. I get why you reacted like you did, and obviously you were right all along. I was stupid; I should've seen this coming. I'll listen to you from now on, I promise. Anyway, we can definitely get through this. We can get through anything, right?"

Tom nodded. "I really wish I'd been wrong," he whispered, even though that wasn't entirely true. Of course he was glad to have Bill back here with him, but at the same time, he really did wish Bill could've been happy. There was an intense sadness in his eyes now, and Tom hated to see his brother like this.

Bill smiled a little. "No, you don't."

Tom had to grin. "No, I don't," he admitted, making Bill chuckle sleepily. "Get some sleep, Bill. You're exhausted; tomorrow, things will look better. I promise. I'll make it better."

Tom smiled and closed his eyes, convinced that the conversation was over now and Bill was about ready to pass out. He wasn't prepared for the soft kiss that was pressed against his lips a moment later, and his eyes flew up again, meeting Bill's through the darkness. He looked at his brother curiously but Bill just smiled, rolling over to turn his back to Tom, and after taking a shaky breath, Tom smiled as well, taking the invitation to spoon immediately. He moved closer to Bill, wrapping his arms around him protectively, relaxing into the familiar position.

He was a little tenser than usual, though, hoping his body wouldn't react inappropriately to being pressed against Bill like this. But despite the fact that Tom's feelings for his brother had changed considerably since he'd last seen Bill, or held him like this, his body seemed to understand that this was the wrong time to think of Bill sexually.

He wrapped himself around his brother, and being this close to Bill felt so right that Tom couldn't help but wonder if Bill had ever thought about them this way before. They were so close that it seemed impossible not to think about it at some point – even though it had taken Tom a long time to figure it out. He bit his lip, his hand resting on Bill's warm, flat stomach, and in a moment of insanity, Tom decided to ask.

"Bill?" he whispered. "Bill, you still awake?"

No answer. Tom lifted his head and looked at his brother's sleeping face, secretly relieved that Bill was fast asleep. He didn't want to fight with Bill anymore, and he was pretty sure that the knowledge of Tom wanting Bill would be too much for him. He didn't want to damage their relationship any more than it had already been.

He propped his head up on his hands and looked down at his sleeping twin, loving the feel of the other boy's warm body in his arms. It felt so right, so precious, that Tom swore to himself that he would never do something to risk losing this again. He leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss against Bill's cheek, closing his eyes as he breathed in his brother's scent.

Then he forced himself to lay back down and close his own eyes, afraid that staring at his brother for more than a few minutes would remind him of his sexual desire for Bill again, which would result in his cock hardening and Bill waking up, and… No, he really didn't need this right now.

He swallowed hard and buried his face in Bill's hair, breathing him in as he, too, allowed himself to go to sleep.


	8. Together Again

When Bill woke up the next morning, he felt disoriented. It took a long moment for him to figure out where he was and whose warm, comfortable body was pressed up against him. He opened his eyes and looked around, smiling when he recognised his own room and realised that the person behind him could only be Tom.

He sighed contentedly, feeling happier than he had in weeks. It was good to be back home where he belonged and to have his brother this close again. He closed his eyes, deciding it was way too early to get up, and snuggled back into Tom, tightening his brother's arms around his waist.

He was about to go back to sleep when his eyes flew open again. He frowned, then had to snicker into the pillow when he realised that Tom was hard, his morning wood pressed against Bill's ass. Even though having his brother's cock pressed against his ass should probably disturb him a little, he noticed that it didn't bother him at all. It actually felt nice – and it was all innocent and didn't mean anything, so... yes, it was nice.

He stayed still, trying not to move too much because he didn't want Tom to wake up before he'd got the sleep he needed, but at the same time, he also knew that now that he was wide awake, he himself wouldn't be able to sleep again. Tom's erection was distracting, to say the least.

So he closed his eyes and just enjoyed being in his brother's arms where he felt safe and loved.

As he lay there in silence, waiting for Tom to wake up as well, he couldn't help thinking back to the previous night, and wondering if Joop was sorry about his behaviour. He wondered what would've happened if Tom hadn't shown up and saved him. Would he have been able to push Joop away? Would Joop have stopped on his own? Would he have snapped out of it? Or had the alcohol really consumed him and turned him into a possessive, abusive asshole?

He bit his lip and then decided it didn't matter. He doubted he was ever going to be alone with Joop again, and since Tom _had_ shown up, he didn't have to worry about what could've happened. Still, it had been a traumatic experience and he wondered if it would change his attitude towards men in the future. He had trusted Joop too easily; had even abandoned his brother to be with the guy. He didn't want that to ever happen again. It wasn't right; it had never been right, and while Bill had been completely oblivious and maybe a little too naïve, Tom had been able to see through Joop immediately, without even meeting him in person.

Maybe he should listen to his brother from now on. He seemed to have the right instincts when it came to people Bill wanted to date.

He snapped out of his reverie when he felt Tom shift behind him, his eyes widening a little when Tom pressed his cock harder against his ass. He closed his eyes and suppressed a moan; even though this was his brother, he couldn't help enjoying a warm, large cock rubbing against his rear. He bit his lip and waited, grinning a little when he heard Tom's sharp intake of breath as he apparently noticed his current state.

He pouted in disappointment when Tom sat up abruptly, and when he glanced over his shoulder, he saw that Tom's face was flushed in embarrassment. He raised an eyebrow curiously, wondering why Tom was so uncomfortable about this. They were boys. Boys woke up with hard-ons; it was completely natural and normal, and it had never bothered Tom before, so why was he making such a big deal out of it, this time?

"Tom?" he asked curiously and Tom blinked as he looked down at Bill.

"What?" he asked, his cheeks colouring more as he pulled the sheets up over his waist, apparently hoping that Bill hadn't noticed his erection.

Bill let out an amused laugh and sat up. "Are you all right?"

Tom nodded, licking his lips. "Yeah. Sure. I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be? I have to…"

He got up and disappeared in Bill's bathroom a moment later, making Bill lean back and furrow his brows in curiosity. Huh. Well then.

When Tom came back, looking much more comfortable, Bill slid out of bed and stretched, his t-shirt riding up as he lifted his arms above his head, not noticing that Tom's eyes followed his every move.

He rubbed the back of his neck and yawned heartedly, sliding his feet into his slippers. "Breakfast?" he asked as he supressed another yawn.

Tom nodded. "Breakfast, sure."

They made their way into the kitchen and spent the next few minutes preparing their breakfast – something that Bill enjoyed immensely. Just being with his brother, doing normal, every-day things was such a nice change after the past few weeks. Now that he was back with Tom, he couldn't help but compare his brother to Joop. Joop had never helped him prepare food; Joop had never even _been_ there when Bill had eaten. He definitely preferred this and gave Tom a fond look.

"What?" Tom asked, looking a little amused.

Bill smiled, shaking his head as he slid onto a chair and opened a Red Bull – something else he'd missed while he'd been with "the old man", as Tom called him not-so-fondly. Joop would never even _think_ of buying something like Red Bull. Not even for Bill. "Nothing," he said, taking a sip. "I'm just glad to be back."

Tom's smile lit up his face and he nodded. "I'm glad to have you back, too."

They ate in relative silence for a long moment until Bill decided he should probably show some interest in what had happened here while he'd been gone. "So, what's new? Did I miss something important?"

Tom looked up and thought for a moment, swallowing his cereal. "Not really. David was going crazy when he heard you were gone without a bodyguard. Mum called about fifty times every day because she couldn't reach you. Gustav and Georg came over a lot. Oh, and Gustav punched me."

Bill's eyebrows shot up and he blinked. "He what?!"

He opened his mouth, trying to picture it. Gustav had punched Tom? Gustav never punched people. "Why?"

Tom shrugged. "I was being a dick. Obsessing over you and… _him_. Blaming you for everything while most of it was my own fault. You know."

"Right," Bill said, then furrowed his brows in confusion. "So he punched you out of the blue?"

"Pretty much," Tom said, nodding. He gave a one-shouldered shrug. "I may have told him to go fuck himself."

Bill snorted. "Ah. Right. That makes more sense."

He leaned back and sighed heavily as he sipped some more of his energy drink. "I guess I should give mum and David a call then, huh? Tell them I'm back, and not to worry."

Tom nodded. "That would be good."

"And maybe we could ask Georg and Gustav to come over later?" Bill suggested then, glancing up. "I haven't seen the two of them for what feels like forever, and I actually miss them."

Tom nodded again. "Sure. I don't mind." Then he raised an eyebrow and grinned. "You miss them?"

Bill laughed, shrugging. "I know! I'm not sure they missed me, though. Must've been a nice break for them."

Tom snorted. "Maybe. But they actually did worry about you, too. So I think they'd be happy to spend some time with us. Movie night?"

Bill nodded. "Sure. I don't really feel like going out, so watching a couple of movies sounds like a good idea. I'll pick the movie, though."

Tom gave him a look. "As long as you don't pick something sappy again, that's fine with me."

Bill rolled his eyes. "I do not watch sappy movies. They're romantic and beautiful."

"Riiight. Whatever you say, Bill. You tell yourself that." Tom gave him a grin, Bill threw a muffin at him, and everything was just the way it used to be before their fight. It gave Bill a warm, fuzzy feeling in his stomach, and as he got up to throw his empty can of Red Bull into the trash bin, he took a moment to wrap his arms around Tom from behind, bury his face in his neck for a long moment and smooch his cheek wetly. "I missed you," he murmured, and even though Tom didn't reply and poked his ribs playfully, Bill could tell that Tom felt the same way.

***

"Veto!" Georg protested, shaking his head. "I am not watching _The Notebook_ again!"

Bill pouted. "But why not? It's so good!"

Georg sighed. "It's not bad but it's not a film I want to see again. Pick something else."

Bill gave him a glare but turned back to the shelf with their impressive DVD collection, sighing heavily to let everyone know how much he was suffering. "Well, we're not watching a stupid action comedy either!"

That statement turned into an argument about whether or not action comedies were stupid or not, and Bill couldn't help grinning – everything really _was_ back to normal. They finally managed to find a movie they could all agree on – be it reluctantly, in Bill's case – and were settled on the comfortable couches around the TV some time later.

Bill leaned against Tom a little, almost crawling half on top of him in order to reach into the giant bucket of popcorn. He noticed Tom looking at him a lot as they watched the movie and wondered what that was all about. But then he realised that Tom was probably just glad to have him back, and instead of asking an awkward question, he just snuggled into his brother, resting his cheek on his shoulder and sighing happily as he watched the movie.

"So, when are you guys going to L.A.?" Gustav asked when the movie was over. "Should be sometime soon now, right?"

Bill nodded but glanced at Tom; he wasn’t sure if anything new had happened L.A.-wise while he'd been away.

"Yes, in about two weeks," Tom said, nodding. "We have the house, the plane will leave at night, so we don't have to deal with press and fans, and… then we'll be gone until we're back for the Best Of album photo shoot."

Georg and Gustav turned silent and Bill looked at them curiously. "There's still time to change your mind," he pointed out, interpreting the two other boys' silence as a sign of regret that they'd decided to stay in Germany. "You could always come with us for a while."

Gustav was the first one to shake his head. "No, I think we'd better stay here."

Georg nodded. "The Girlfriend would smack me if I changed my mind; I'd like to avoid that," he said with a grin. "It's just going to be weird, you know?"

Bill nodded. "Yeah. I know. But it'll only be for a while. And you can visit whenever you want. You know how to reach us."

Before any of them could burst into tears and beg the other to either not leave or come with them to L.A., Tom got up and changed the subject. "Who wants another beer? I assume we're going to watch another film? You guys can pick while I'll get us another six pack from the basement."

He disappeared, and only a second later, Bill was speaking on behalf of _The Notebook_ again while Georg and Gustav kept pressing their wish to watch an action movie. When Tom came back, it was again he who suggested a film they could all live with, and they spent the rest of the evening watching a movie that had action, romance _and_ humour elements.

***

"Are you nervous about L.A.?" Bill asked when Tom came back from letting Georg and Gustav out of the house. Tom sat down next to him and reached for his half-empty beer, meeting Bill's eyes.

"No," he said, shrugging. "Are you?"

Bill shook his head. "I think it'll be good to get away from everything. It'll be like a vacation and work at the same time. I'm sick of the weather here – and our house actually has a pool, so that'll be pretty cool, right?"

Tom nodded. It had been Bill's idea to join David in L.A. to work on some new songs and record a few things. At this point, Tom didn't really care where they were. As long as he could be with Bill, he would've been fine with just about any city in the world.

He suddenly realised how dependent on Bill he really was. If Bill decided to move to Iceland out of the blue, Tom would follow him without protest, even though he hated those cold temperatures. He needed his brother more than anything else in the world, and it still stung that Bill had left him here to spend some time in Paris with an old man. And that he'd kept his phone switched off for so long. And that he hadn't cared about Tom's worries about this liaison at all.

It had hurt him more than he was willing to admit, and he was sure it would take a while for him to fully forgive Bill for leaving him like that. Part of him _had_ forgiven Bill a long time ago – he wouldn't have told him it was okay if it wasn't – but another part still wondered why Bill had so easily chosen someone else over him. It was something Tom would never do. Not even the most beautiful girl in the world – Jessica Alba, in his case – could make him want to be away from Bill for more than a couple of days.

"Tom?"

Tom looked up, realising that Bill had apparently been talking to him. "What? Sorry, I was just thinking."

"I just asked if you wanted to visit mum sometime this week. I think I'm going to see her at some point; she was so worried about me and I bet she has a lot of questions, so I think it would be best if I visited her this week. Do you want to come?"

Tom shrugged, nodding absentmindedly. "Sure. Can't see why not. We can do that, yeah."

Bill eyed him thoughtfully. "What were you thinking about?"

Tom blinked and shook his head. "Oh, nothing, really," he lied smoothly. "Just about L.A. and all the stuff we have to do before we can leave."

Bill nodded, sighing heavily. "I know, right? It's going to be so much work. We should enjoy the little time we have left before we need to start packing and taking care of everything."

Tom nodded. "We should. So, are you up for another movie or are you too tired?"

"We can watch another one," Bill said, smiling. Then he grinned innocently. " _The Notebook_ maybe?"

Tom groaned, pressing his hands against his face, but finally agreed, knowing that Bill wouldn't give up mentioning the movie until they'd watched it again. So he let his brother have what he wanted; it wasn't as if he really minded. He actually liked the film, and Rachel McAdams was hot.

It didn't take more than twenty minutes before Bill was asleep on his shoulder. Tom glanced down at his brother and smiled a little. He reached for the blanket at Bill's feet and pulled it over his brother, his smile widening when Bill nestled into him further, looking completely comfortable and satisfied. He slid an arm around Bill and pressed a soft kiss against his temple, closing his eyes as he rested his cheek on the top of Bill's head.

By the end of the movie, his eyes had filled with tears and he sniffled embarrassedly, glad that no one could see him weeping over the end of a movie that was really fucking sad. He wiped his tears away and tightened his arm around Bill without even noticing it because that last scene always reminded him of how he wanted to die.

In a way, Bill was Rachel McAdams's character, and Tom was Ryan Gosling. They may be seeing other people in their lives, but in the end, they would be it, for each other. At least it was that way for Tom. Maybe that was the reason why the fact that Bill had chosen Joop over him, even for only a short time, had hurt him so much. He had been afraid of losing Bill. He had been afraid of Bill falling for someone who wasn't him. He couldn't handle the idea of Bill ever being closer to someone other than him. The fact that Bill had left him for Joop had touched one of his deepest fears; losing Bill. Maybe that was why a part of him just couldn't seem to get over it, and he was clinging to Bill more desperately than usual.

He knew that he would never love anyone more than he loved Bill. And if Bill died, he wanted to die, too. He didn't want to spend one minute on earth if his brother ceased to exist. They would go together; they had talked about it, but even without mentioning it, they both knew it. They would die in each other's arms.

He shook his head, pressing the 'off' button on the TV's remote, now feeling sad and needy. He leaned his head against the backrest of the couch, taking a deep shaky breath and nuzzling Bill's neck again, his lips brushing the other boy's jaw.

"I love you," he heard himself whispering, his eyes closed as he brushed the tip of his nose against the shell of Bill's ear. "I love you more than anything."

He held his breath when Bill shifted, praying for him to _not_ wake up. He didn't like anyone seeing him when he was this vulnerable; not even Bill. He relaxed when Bill just got into a more comfortable position and told himself to get a grip. Taking a deep breath, he carefully removed Bill's arms from around him and laid him down on the couch, making sure that he was fully covered by the blanket.

The couch wasn't big enough for both of them to sleep on it comfortably, and for a moment, Tom toyed with the idea of throwing Bill over his shoulder and carrying him upstairs, so he could sleep in his own bed, but then dismissed the idea; Bill was clearly exhausted and if he picked him up, he would probably wake up.

Instead, he emptied the ashtrays, cracked open a window and got rid of the many empty beer bottles, then spent a few minutes just looking down at his brother's sleeping face before he went upstairs and crawled into his own bed, not even thinking about wanking before he let sleep wash over him as well.


	9. Almost

Bill spent the next days apologising to his mother and David for leaving without a word and not switching his phone on – he really did feel sorry for not giving them the possibility to reach him and only now realised that it had been a really stupid thing to do. If something had happened, no one would've been able to tell him. On the other hand, they could've got in touch with Joop's people and reached him that way. But still. How could Bill have been such a bastard to the people he loved most? Maybe it had been a case of belated teenage rebellion or something; he really didn't have a different explanation for his idiotic behaviour. Unless Joop had somehow brainwashed him... which was a little too science fiction for his taste. But maybe Joop _was_ an alien. Who knew? Maybe that would explain why he'd had such a strong impact on Bill.

Bill snorted, rolling his eyes at himself. He had obviously been spending way too much time doing the whole Humanoid thing. Maybe he should take a break from all that science fiction stuff for a while.

After he'd apologised profusely and Simone and David seemed to have calmed down a little, he used the remainder of his time in Germany to make up for the time he and Tom had lost. The longer he was back, the worse he felt for having left Tom without an explanation. And even though Tom never said anything or gave Bill any reason to make him believe that he was still mad, Bill knew that they needed to talk about it at some point. He needed Tom to understand his reasons for leaving – even though he hadn't figured them out himself yet.

After spending most of their two last weeks in Hamburg just hanging out, playing with their dogs, writing songs or watching movies, the time had come to pack their bags and get ready to move – which turned out to be a lot more work than either of them had anticipated.

When Bill finally stood in front of his closet, staring at the huge amount of clothes he'd accumulated over the years, he sighed in frustration. He couldn't take everything; that much was clear. He would have to limit himself – something Bill wasn't even sure he knew how to do. On the one hand, he never wore most of these things anyway but throwing something away had always been difficult for Bill; especially when it came to clothes he really liked. It didn't matter whether he wore them regularly or not at all; he simply couldn't make up his mind and would rather buy a new closet – or even a new house with more space – than give something away that he might possibly want to wear again at some point in the near or far future.

He stood there for about half an hour, idly browsing the clothes in the back of his closet without the intention of actually getting started. He needed a system, first – otherwise, the whole thing would end in chaos. "Ooh cool," he murmured when he found a top he'd been looking for forever, holding it up against his body to see if it would still fit.

He glanced up when he suddenly felt Tom's presence; a suspicion that was confirmed when he saw his brother in the mirror, standing in the doorway and watching him. He gave him a smile, then put the shirt down and let out a heavy sigh as he turned back to his closet. This was going to be _so_ hard and would probably take forever.

"Wait," Tom said suddenly. "You haven't started yet? _Bill!_ Half of my stuff is already packed! What have you been doing for the past forty minutes?"

Bill looked at him sheepishly, giving a weak shrug. "Just… looking?"

Tom rubbed his face and let out a groan. "You have been staring at your clothes for over half an hour," he repeated slowly and Bill shrugged, amused more than offended by Tom's frustration.

"I guess?" he said with a grin, shrugging again. Then he sighed, gesticulating wildly. "It's hard! You only have about half as much as I do, and your clothes all look the same, so it's not as if it's hard for you to pick what to take and what to leave here."

Tom raised a brow. "My clothes are very diverse and do not all look the same, thank you very much. And it _is_ hard to pick but… honestly, Bill. Just grab some things, put them in your suitcase and you'll be done with it. It's not as if you'll never see the rest of your clothes again. It's just for a few months. I think you'll be able to handle that short separation." He grinned and scratched the back of his neck. "Honestly, Bill, it's not that hard. And if you forget something important, I'm sure Georg and Gustav would be more than willing to send it."

Bill looked at him incredulously, letting out an almost shocked laugh. "You're kidding, right? Do I look as if I would let Georg or Gustav anywhere _near_ my clothes?" He shook his head, then glanced back at his closet, chewing his bottom lip before shaking his head. "I can't do it. _Tomiii_ ," he whined, earning a warning look from Tom that made him roll his eyes. He sighed. "Fine. I'll give it a try."

He folded his arms over his chest and looked at Tom. "Are you going to stand there all day?"

Tom snorted and raised his hands in defence. "Fine, fine. I'll leave. But when I come back in half an hour, one of those suitcases better be full and closed."

"Yeah, yeah," Bill muttered, grinning to himself as Tom left the room and he was, once again, alone with his precious clothes. He sighed heavily and began picking the stuff he wanted to take, leaving the rest behind with a heavy heart.

***

It took two full days for Bill to finish packing while Tom was done after only a few hours. Getting Bill to pack his bags was never an easy feat, and was always accompanied by a lot of pouting and unreasonable arguments like, "But what if I feel like wearing this one day and I don't have it with me? _Tomi…_ And what if it gets cold and I need this sweater? I need to have it!"

But eventually, they were done, and what had been their house for quite a long time now was mostly empty with only the most necessary things remaining.

They would leave for L.A. later that night, and as promised, they had invited Georg and Gustav over to celebrate their last evening together.

Tom had almost choked on his food when Bill had announced his desire to cook. Bill never cooked. Bill _couldn't_ cook. But after some argumentation, Tom had given in. If Bill felt the desire to break in their kitchen on their last night there after not _ever_ having cooked there for all the time they'd been living there, he would let him. It wasn't as if he had a say in the whole thing anyway. If Bill wanted to cook, Bill was going to cook.

As it turned out – and Tom wasn't _really_ surprised – they only had pasta and tomato sauce – which would have been a fine meal if Bill hadn't decided to add some spices and make his own creation out of it. Tom watched with horror as Bill poured various spices and ingredients into the sauce that was slowly changing its perfectly red colour to something indefinable.

Deciding he was done, Bill grabbed a spoon, dipped it into the sauce, blew on it to cool it down a little, and held it in front of Tom's face. Tom cursed when Bill almost spilled some of it onto his sweatshirt, then stared at him in shock. "I'm not going to taste that. Are you trying to kill me?"

Bill narrowed his eyes, looking hurt. "Oh come on! I didn't put _that_ much in it. I can't have done that much wrong."

Tom eyed him; he was pretty sure that Bill could ruin the taste of pretty much any food, but his brother also had that look on his face – the one that made it very clear that he wouldn't accept a 'no'. So Tom sighed heavily and let Bill feed him the spoonful of sauce… that he spat out into the sink only seconds later. "Oh my god," he coughed, holding his head under the tap to wash the taste out of his mouth. "Bill, that's by far the worst thing you've ever tried to make me eat."

Bill watched him with big eyes, then glared and tasted it himself… with the same reaction. The sauce landed in the sink, which Tom was still bent over, coughing. Bill, however, was laughing. "I'm sorry! I really thought the curry would make it taste better."

Tom snorted. "Bill, the sauce was perfectly fine to begin with – why couldn't you just leave it the way it was?"

Bill grinned. "I don't know. I just wanted to mix it up a little."

Tom rolled his eyes. "Mix it up a little," he muttered but he was smirking. "You know what? I think you should eat the whole thing – that'll teach you never to cook again."

"No way," Bill said, grinning. His eyes widened when Tom grabbed the casserole and spoon, coming dangerously close. "Tomi! No, Tomi, I won't eat that. Stop it."

He laughed and ran around the table while Tom followed with the sauce, chasing him around the kitchen. Tom snickered, then raised his eyebrows when Bill grabbed a wooden spoon and waved it around wildly. "I'll fight you."

"Ha! I'd like to see you try," Tom laughed, putting down the casserole and reaching for Bill, grinning at his brother's hysterical shrieks. His arms were around Bill's waist and he slid his fingers down his brother's flat stomach, tickling him.

"Tomiii!" Bill protested as he burst into a giggle fit, buckling over in order to try to get Tom off him. "Stop it, please! I give up! I give– Tom, I'll bite you!"

Tom let out another laugh, then whirled Bill around and pushed him against the fridge, stepping in front of him and pressing his hands against the fridge to prevent his brother from escaping. They were both out of breath and Tom's grin widened as he looked at his brother. "You'll bite me, huh?"

Bill nodded, his face stretching into a wide grin. "Yep. I'm a biter."

Tom raised an eyebrow, his smile faltering a little as his mind went to the place it had been spending a lot of time at lately. A dark place full of dirty, wrong sexual desires and secrets. He glanced down at Bill's lips, imagining them on his body; those perfectly white little teeth leaving bite marks all over his body. He swallowed hard and met Bill's eyes again, his stomach flipping when he felt the atmosphere around them change.

Their faces were dangerously close; it would take so little for Tom to lean forward and capture his brother's full lips in the kiss he'd been longing to share with Bill for weeks now. Once again, he wondered what it would be like to kiss Bill. He was almost desperate for it to happen now so he could find out.

Maybe now would be the right time to do it. Bill wasn't moving away, and Tom was pretty sure that he'd felt the shift in tension between them as well. Maybe he was prepared for it – maybe he even _wanted_ it just as much as Tom did.

He glanced into his brother's eyes, losing himself in their depth, and leaned forward just a little, closing his eyes as he felt Bill's warm breath on his face. He was about to close that final distance between them to kiss Bill, when the doorbell rang, making him snap back to reality.

He opened his eyes and looked at Bill, swallowing hard.

"Georg and Gustav, probably," Bill murmured, his voice surprisingly low. He wasn't moving to open the door, though, and Tom couldn't seem to make himself move either.

"Yeah," he said softly, risking another glance at Bill's lips just in time to see his tongue darting out to wet his lips.

Then Bill looked away, breaking the eye contact and tension that had been building between them by clearing his throat loudly and wiggling out of Tom's grip to go open the front door. "I guess we should order pizza – we can't possibly serve them that terrible sauce," Bill called from the hallway, snickering. "Gustav would kill me if I did."

"What would I kill you for?" Tom heard Gustav's voice while he leaned against the fridge, taking a deep, shaky breath.

He rubbed his face and forced his heart to slow down and his breath to even out, wondering how he was supposed to continue living with Bill when he thought about kissing him all time. _Literally_ all the time. "Pizza, sure," he murmured, then shook himself. He had to find a way to deal with his feelings in a way that wouldn't freak Bill out. If he kept this up, he would just drive him away again, and he really couldn't handle losing Bill twice in such a short time. Or ever.

***

When Georg and Gustav had left and the twins had cleaned up and walked through the house one last time to make sure they hadn't forgotten anything they needed, they curled up in front of the TV to kill some time before they had to leave to go to the airport. Their mother and Gordon would move the rest of their stuff to their house temporarily, until they found somewhere else to store it. But for now, everything was packed and they were ready to leave.

Bill was snuggled into Tom, his head resting on Tom's shoulder, his eyes drooping a little as they watched some boring TV movie. Their DVDs were already packed, so they had to watch whatever was on at the moment.

He was about to fall asleep when his eyebrows shot up as the woman in the movie found herself pressed against a wall with the man hovering above her – the scene reminded him so much of what had happened between him and Tom earlier that he found himself swallowing hard and shifting a little, hoping Tom wouldn't notice.

He had been thinking about that little moment between them all night, and couldn't seem to get it out of his head. He was confused and had replayed those few minutes in the kitchen over and over in his head, trying to figure out what exactly had happened there. Tom had been staring at him with a look that Bill had never seen on his brother's face before. Then, Tom had leaned in and closed his eyes. Had he wanted to kiss him? Would something like that have happened between them if they hadn't been interrupted by the doorbell? Or was that just Bill's imagination playing tricks on him? Was it possibly wishful thinking?

He shook his head inwardly because no matter how much he thought about it, he couldn't seem to figure it out. And Tom was acting so normal around him that he was slowly beginning to wonder if he was losing his mind. Maybe he _had_ just imagined the whole thing.

Why would Tom want to kiss him like that? They were brothers; Bill must've misinterpreted the situation. But as much as he thought about it, he couldn't come to a satisfying conclusion.

He thought about it for far too long, and was beginning to realise that the idea of Tom pressing him against the fridge and just kissing him was not as disturbing to him as he would've thought. It was the fact that he was so okay with the idea of Tom kissing him that shocked him, and he forced himself to think about something else. Anything else. Like L.A. If he kept wondering about the meaning of that almost-kiss, he would lose his mind.

He turned his head to look at Tom. "Are you nervous?"

"Hm?" Tom asked, blinking as he tore his eyes away from the TV to look at Bill. "About what?"

Bill shrugged. "I don't know. L.A.? Moving? Leaving everything behind?"

He watched Tom think about it for a moment, then shifted when Tom shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe a little. It'll be different, and I'm sure it'll take some time to get used to it, but… I'm not really nervous."

Bill nodded, putting his head back on Tom's shoulder.

"Why, are you?" Tom asked softly, his voice soft in Bill's ear.

He shivered and shook his head, forcing himself to sit up, so he wouldn't be _quite_ as close to Tom as before. "Not really. I think it'll be great to get away from everything, and we really get to focus on the new album. It'll be weird not to have Georg and Gustav around but I think we'll be fine on our own."

Tom nodded, giving him a smile. "I'm sure we will."

Bill smiled back but his breath caught in his throat because his brain was reading way too much into that statement. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples, forcing those thoughts out of his head.

It was nothing. Tom didn't want to kiss him and _nothing_ had almost happened. Things were just the way they'd always been, and if there had been tension of any kind, then it was the bad kind – the kind that meant that Tom was still mad at him, even though he seemed to want to let Bill keep thinking everything was all right. They needed to talk – but not right now. There would be enough time for that later.

Twenty minutes later, they were in the car on their way to the airport. Bill smiled when he felt Tom's hand wrap around his own; he could tell that Tom was just as excited as he was, even though he hated flying.

"L.A., here we come," he murmured as he glanced out of the window, his hand tightening around Tom's as their driver parked the car in front of the airport where their plane was already waiting for them. Only a few more hours and they would be in Los Angeles.

Bill couldn't wait.


	10. Los Angeles

A couple of weeks after their arrival in L.A., the twins were slowly getting used to the sun and heat as well as living in a house that was amazing to say the least. David had found it for them, and the fact that it was huge, luxurious, with a swimming pool and all the little extras Bill and Tom appreciated, just proved how well their manager and producer knew them.

They had spent the first few days relaxing by the pool, getting a tan as well as exploring the city. There had been a lot of shopping and going out, and strangely, not all that many paparazzi incidents. In fact, neither of them had been caught on camera even once, which was probably due to the fact that they had been shopping after closing hours, joined by bodyguards who kept everyone away from them.

After a lot of time doing nothing, Bill seemed to remember that they were actually here to work on songs, so one day as they were hanging out by the pool, he made Tom get his guitar while he pulled out his notebook and a pen. Working in the heat of L.A. was different, and Bill had some difficulty focusing and making his brain work. He didn't mind the heat, particularly, but it was still hard to concentrate when he just wanted to lay back and let the sun tan his skin.

"What about that song I wrote for you?" Bill asked after a long moment of silence, looking up from his notebook. "Do you think it has potential?"

Tom pressed his palm against the strings of his guitar, meeting Bill's eyes. "I don't know," he said honestly. "Do you really want something that personal out there?"

Bill bit his lip and shrugged. "We've shared many pretty personal songs with the world."

Tom raised a brow. "Yeah. But the song is very obviously about – and don't get offended now – you being with some old guy, us having a fight and you begging me to forgive you."

Bill shrugged and sighed. "I guess you have a point. I do like that melody you've been playing lately, though. So we need to write some new lyrics for that." He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "I have no ideas, though. It's like I'm completely burned out. I think I work better in bad weather."

Tom snorted. "See? There's a rhyme there already! You're not as burned out as you think you are."

He played the beginning of his song, clearing his throat. Then he sang, " _I think I work better... in bad weaheather..._ "

Bill laughed and rolled his eyes. "You're so silly," he said, but Tom didn't give up. He flashed him a grin, then played the next few notes.

" _When I look at you, the earth shakes, oh-oh-oh, you make me feel like there's an earth quake, oh-oh-oh..._ "

Bill stared at him in complete horror, then burst out laughing, holding his stomach as Tom continued to come up with the most ridiculous lyrics Bill had ever heard. When Bill managed to calm down, he gave his brother a grin and shook his head. "It's a very good thing that I'm writing the lyrics. Honestly, Tom."

Tom just snickered and shrugged. "Well, then go on and do what you do best. It's not that hard to come up with a good text. You've done it before, so go to work. I'll keep playing to inspire you."

They smiled at each other before Tom bent over his guitar and continued to play his song, changing a note every once in a while to perfect it. Bill watched him for a while, smiling, then pulled his knees up, his notebook propped up against his thighs as he tried to come up with something they could actually use.

They would see David the next day, and hopefully, he would be able to help him out a little.

***

"Are you settling in all right?" David reached for his glass and drank a sip of water, looking at the twins. He had been busy for a while, so this was only the second time, Bill and Tom had seen him since arriving in L.A.

"I am," Bill said after swallowing a bite of pasta. "It's so gorgeous here. Still a little unusual, and I don't really know how you can spend all of your time here, but… yeah, it's nice. I guess I could get used to it after a while."

Tom nodded in agreement, finishing his pasta and leaning back, hands folded over his stomach. "Yeah, it's awesome. I haven't run into Jessica Alba yet, but…"

Bill rolled his eyes and snorted while David gave him a knowing grin. "I see. Don't get in trouble with her husband or boyfriend, though. The publicity would be bad." He laughed and gave Bill a grin which Bill returned – they both knew that if Tom actually ever met Jessica Alba, he probably wouldn't be able to get a word out. Well, it's good to have you here. I'm sorry I couldn't invite you over sooner but now I'm free, pretty much."

Bill smiled. "Good. Because we've been working on a couple of songs and I need some help with the lyrics. Something just doesn't sound right."

David nodded. "Excellent. I'll have a look later."

A comfortable silence fell over them as each of them finished their meal, and after cleaning up a little, they made their way down into the studio in the basement of David's house. Tom immediately started exploring the studio while Bill pulled out his notebook, sitting down with David to work on his lyrics.

Tom reached for his guitar, playing the chords of the song and humming the melody softly, glancing over at Bill and David sometimes to check how they were doing. It seemed to be going well; Bill was smiling a lot and…

Tom stopped playing and frowned curiously as he watched them. Bill was smiling _a lot_ and David literally couldn't seem to take his eyes off Bill. An uncomfortable sinking sensation spread in Tom's stomach as he realised when he'd seen Bill behave like this before.

He was flirting. David and Bill were flirting. With each other. Tom stared at them in horror and wondered what it was with Bill and older men. Couldn't he flirt with someone his own age? Couldn't he flirt with _Tom_? And how long had this been going on? This was the first time Tom had noticed something unusual going on between them, but maybe they had been doing this for years.

Since Tom had only recently realised that he had feelings for his brother, it may have escaped his notice before, but it was definitely possible that this wasn't the first time David and Bill had been flirting. And maybe there was more between them.

Maybe David had had Bill.

He swallowed hard, his fingernails digging into the smooth wood of his guitar. The idea of Bill having sex with David and not telling him about it made him feel ill, and he had to force himself to take his eyes off them for fear of throwing up if he kept looking at them.

He took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down.

His jealousy was out of control lately. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe he was just imagining things. It was, after all, the first time he'd noticed something different, so maybe they weren't flirting at all. Maybe Bill was just glad to see David again – Tom had been happy as well before they'd come down here.

He strummed his guitar softly, straining his ears in order to hear what they were talking about. He needed to know what was really going on.

"I like your shirt, by the way," he heard David say after a moment of relative silence. "Is it new?"

"Yeah," Bill said, the smile obvious in his voice. "I bought it in a little, charming second-hand shop the other day. They have so many awesome things; I think I need to go back there someday."

"Great. You'll have to show it to me at some point," David replied, and Tom closed his eyes as he forced himself to stay seated instead of getting up and punching David in the face.

Maybe he should consider an anger management course, or something. He wrinkled his nose; he'd never considered therapy of any kind before, and he would be damned if he started now. No, the conversation between them was still pretty normal and innocent, so he probably had nothing to worry about.

Still, he kept listening to them intently, expecting Bill to jump David at some point.

"So, you never really told me what went on between you and Wolfgang Joop," David said after another moment of silence, and Tom's head shot up as he listened even more intently than before. He watched Bill shift uncomfortably, and narrowed his eyes.

"Well, we had a relationship, of sorts, but… it wasn't serious, really. Mostly just… well, sex," Bill said quietly. "I spent some time with him but it's over now, so…"

"What happened?" David asked, and Tom looked at him now, blinking when he saw the frown on David's face. Unless he was completely wrong, David was showing very clear signs of jealousy. He was jealous of Joop. Bill, however, seemed completely oblivious and just continued, still clearly uncomfortable about having to talk about this at all.

"Well, there was this party and Tom showed up, and when I told Joop I wanted to leave, he got a bit… violent. But nothing happened, don't worry," he added quickly when Bill suddenly did seem to notice the growing anger in David's pose.

"He hurt you?" David asked but Bill shook his head quickly.

"No, it didn't get that far. Tom showed up and he punched him in the face."

David looked up at Tom, and Tom quickly glanced down at his guitar, pretending that he hadn't been eavesdropping. "You did?" David asked, and Tom shrugged.

"Yeah. The old guy was being rude. No one fucks with Bill while I'm around."

Tom raised his head and met David's eyes, the silent threat clear in his eyes. David raised his eyebrows, obviously understanding what Tom was implying, and then averted his eyes quickly.

Tom narrowed his eyes, and suddenly, he knew. He knew that there had been something between Bill and David.

He got up, set down his guitar and made his way to the bathroom, gripping the sink firmly as he leaned over it and tried to control his breathing. He was aware that Bill had had sex with a few guys. It wasn't a secret. Bill hadn't been a virgin for a few years now, and he did enjoy spending time with guys. So far, Tom had never had a problem with Bill and his sexuality.

But _David_? The idea of Bill having sex with their manager – or the idea that Jost had possibly been Bill's first…

Tom couldn't handle the idea of David's hands all over his little brother. But now that he'd thought about it, he couldn't seem to get these painful images out of his head.

He had trusted David. And David probably knew how Tom felt about Bill – not the sexual aspect that Tom had only discovered a few weeks ago, but the protectiveness. Tom couldn't believe that the other man would do something like this to him. And Bill… Bill had never mentioned anything about even being interested in David.

Tom couldn't believe all the things that were happening about him lately. He was figuring out things that had never occurred to him before. How had he missed that?

And why hadn't Bill told him?

He swallowed hard and shook his head. For a moment, he had been hoping that something might actually happen between himself and Bill. But he had been wrong, clearly. Bill liked older guys, and Bill didn't even respect him enough to tell him he'd had sex with their manager.

He ignored David and Bill for the rest of the day, only opening his mouth to say something when it was absolutely necessary. Even on the drive back to their house, he couldn't make himself look at Bill, even though he could feel that Bill was shifting uncomfortably, clearly sensing Tom's anger.

***

"Tom. Tom, wait!" Bill called, raising his voice as they made their way into their house – Tom a bit ahead of Bill because he'd obviously planned to keep avoiding his brother until he'd calmed down. Bill, however, had different ideas and was going to make Tom talk to him. He had no idea what he had done to upset him now, but he would be damned if he wasn't going to find out.

"Tom, talk to me. For fuck's sake, what's wrong now?" He reached for his brother's arm and turned him around, his grip tight on Tom's forearm.

Tom sighed but looked up, and Bill flinched a little when he saw the anger in Tom's eyes. He really had no idea what Tom could possibly be upset about now.

"Why don't you tell me?" Tom asked slowly and Bill rolled his eyes at his twin's cryptic words.

"I have no idea what I've done," Bill said quietly. "I've done nothing, Tom, so… just go ahead and tell me. Drop the bullshit; I'm not in the mood to guess."

"I think you know," Tom said, but when Bill gave him an annoyed look, he continued, "You and David? Why didn't you tell me?"

Bill's eyebrows shot up and he looked at Tom as if he'd just lost his mind. Which he probably had. "Me and David? Tom, what on earth are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb," Tom snapped. "You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"I don't!" Bill yelled helplessly, letting go of Tom's wrist to fold his arms over his chest. "What about David and me? We talked, we worked on our songs, he helped us record something that may very possibly become the most amazing song we've ever written."

"You flirted with him," Tom said tightly, gritting his teeth. "Don't even deny it, Bill. I know what I saw. There was more, wasn't there? Did he take it?" He lowered his voice and Bill blinked at the cutting and mean tone of his brother's voice. "Did he take your virginity, yeah? Did he show you what it's all about; how to please a man?"

Bill's eyes were the size of teacups now and he just stared at Tom in confusion, hurt and growing anger. "I have not had sex with Jost," he said, his voice shaking. He swallowed hard, forcing himself to hold back the tears. He couldn't believe what he was hearing; that Tom would accuse him of sleeping with David and not telling him about it. Bill told Tom everything.

Tom looked at him, apparently too angry to feel that Bill was telling the truth. "Yeah, right."

"I haven't! I've never had sex with him, and I never _will_ have sex with him, Tom. What is wrong with you? Why are you getting so unreasonably upset about nothing?" Bill clenched his fists, taking deep breaths in order to fight the tears back. He wouldn't cry. "You're so jealous lately, Tom – what's going on?"

"I'm not getting unreasonably upset! And I'm not jealous. I know what I saw. He was all over you." Tom was still glaring at him but Bill could tell that he was beginning to doubt the truth of his words.

"Well, I don't know what you saw, but there's nothing going on between us. I've never had sex with him – I swear! I've never even considered the idea; he's like a father to me and you know that. Ew!"

"Ew?" Tom stared at him. "Bill, you've had sex with a man who's over 60; Joop could be your grandfather. Jost is a young hottie compared to Joop."

"That doesn't mean that I want him, Tom! God, you're so stupid! Just because I've had sex with one older guy doesn't mean I'm into old guys in general now! How can you even think I would sleep with someone without telling you about it?"

He shook his head, backing away while shaking his head in disappointment. "I can't believe you trust me that little."

With those words and a sob he just couldn't hold back anymore, he turned around and made his way upstairs into his room, leaving a confused and upset Tom.

***

Tom didn't know for how long he had been sitting in the dark of the living room, staring at nothing in particular, but when he finally got up, he knew that he had made a mistake. He had been wrong. They had been flirting; he was sure about that. But apparently, the attraction wasn't mutual.

And he _had_ been jealous. It would be pointless to deny it. His feelings for Bill were beginning to turn him into a jealous, brainless idiot, and he knew he had to apologise to Bill. He hoped that Bill would understand, but since this wasn't the first time in a pretty short time that he'd behaved like a complete asshole, he wasn't sure Bill would be so forgiving.

Taking a deep breath, he walked up the stairs, opening the door to Bill's room silently and walking to his brother's bed. He looked down at him for a long time, not sure if Bill was awake or not, but after a moment, he made himself whisper his brother's name.

Bill turned around and looked up at him and Tom's heart constricted when he noticed the tears in Bill's eyes. He had made his brother cry. Again.

He suddenly felt like the worst person in the world.

"I'm sorry," he whispered helplessly, his stomach swirling uncomfortably. "I'm so sorry, Bill. I… I just don't want you to get hurt again."

It wasn't a lie; he did want to protect his brother from men like Joop who were obviously only looking for a young boytoy – or some sort of trophy to show off with. The fact that he was also insanely jealous and hated the idea of Bill with anyone but him didn't make the fact that he was mostly just feeling protective any less true.

Bill was still looking up at him and Tom bit his lip. "I'm sorry," he whispered again, moving to sit down on the edge of the bed, hesitating before he brushed Bill's tears away.

Bill closed his eyes and Tom hesitated for a moment before he kicked off his shoes and slid down onto the bed next to his brother, sliding his arm around him and pulling him close. "I was jealous," he admitted, his voice still a whisper. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I just…" He bit his lip. "David wants you. I know what I saw, Bill, and if you tell me you didn't have sex with him, then I believe you. But I know that there was something there. Unrequited maybe, but there."

Bill sniffled and Tom's heart broke a little. He tightened his arms around his brother, pressing a soft kiss to the spot behind Bill's ear, smiling a little when he shivered. The fact that Bill didn't fight the embrace gave him hope; maybe Bill would be able to forgive him once again. And from now on, Tom would make sure not to take that forgiveness for granted.

"I'm not interested in him," Bill murmured and Tom breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Really?"

"Yes, Tom," Bill murmured, his voice a little more firm now. "I'm not interested in having sex with David – ever – so please just…"

Tom nodded hurriedly. "I won't. I won't mention it again. I'm sorry, Bill. Just… be careful, all right? It's just… you have that innocence that makes older men want to take advantage of you, and while I know that David wouldn’t do that; I really do trust him, I'm still… just worried about you."

Bill drew back a little and looked at him through the darkness. "I don't think you have to worry," Bill said softly. "I'm not ready to start something new anytime soon, so just trust me. I'll let you know when I'm interested in someone new, all right?"

Tom looked at him for a long moment, then finally nodded, letting out another relieved sigh. "Okay. I'll do my best."

He brushed another one of Bill's tears away, earning a smile from his younger brother. Tom smiled back, then wrapped his arms around Bill, feeling the other boy's exhaustion as he stroked his hair. It didn't take long until he felt Bill's breath even out as he fell asleep in his arms.

Tom stayed awake for a while longer, thinking about Bill's words.

 _I'm not ready to start something new anytime soon._

Those words made him feel relieved and worried at the same time. The part of him that just wanted to protect Bill and keep him away from other guys stopped worrying because Bill wasn't interested in a relationship or sex for the next few weeks or months. But on the other hand, this also meant that Tom couldn't make a move on Bill.

Not that he was anywhere near brave enough to actually take that step. He still knew that it was wrong, and that Bill probably didn't want him that way. But at the same time, he also frequently thought about their almost-kiss two weeks ago, in the kitchen of their house in Germany.

Bill had looked at him with those eyes and Tom was sure that Bill had wanted it too, at that moment. During their time in L.A., however, nothing had happened between them. They hadn't been in a situation like that again, and Tom was sure that Bill had forgotten all about their almost-kiss. Nothing had happened between them, and there hadn't been any of that tension that they'd both felt two weeks ago. And now that he knew Bill wasn't ready for another relationship or affair – especially one that would be this confusing – he felt disappointed and worried and knew that he couldn't let anything like that happen again. Bill needed to know that he could rely on Tom; that he could trust him implicitly.

Tom couldn't turn into one of those guys that wanted to take advantage of Bill. He would never hurt him, so he would just have to control his urges and find some other way of release. And he would. He wouldn't give Bill any more reason to draw away from him, no matter how much he wanted to just grab him and kiss him.

He would be reasonable for once, and deny himself what he wanted most. It couldn't be that hard.

Right?


	11. Solution

The following day, Tom found out just how hard it would be to deny himself what he wanted; to stop thinking about him and to stay away from Bill.

Waking up wrapped around his brother with Bill's hair in his face and his back and ass pressed against his front wasn't helping matters either; the moment he was conscious enough to realise where he was, he also noticed that he was hard, and that his erection was comfortably nestled against Bill's round little butt.

How easy would it be to move just a little closer and relieve himself by rubbing against Bill? He wouldn't have to grind against him; just rubbing lightly would most likely do the job in only a few minutes. Bill probably wouldn't even notice; once he was asleep, he usually didn't wake up until his six alarm clocks started ringing.

But no, he couldn't do that, of course. If Bill ever found out, he would probably think Tom was some sort of pervert.

Which he was – but that was beside the point.

He knew he couldn't do it, so he reluctantly rolled out of Bill's bed, left the room, went to his own bathroom and leaned against the sink. He sighed heavily and looked at himself in the mirror, wondering once again what the hell he'd got himself into.

Then he closed his eyes and slid his hand down his body, masturbating while trying to picture it was Bill's hand touching him.

***

Over the following days, it only got worse. The more Tom tried to ignore his feelings, the more he thought about Bill, and thinking about him made everything harder than it already was – including his cock. He tried not to watch Bill, but just the fact that this was _Bill_ made it pretty damn difficult to ignore him.

Multiple times a day, Tom caught himself watching Bill while he was lying in the sun, or swimming in the pool, or even doing less exciting things like writing lyrics, repainting his nails or tidying up his mess. He could literally not take his eyes off his brother, followed his every move, and it was beginning to frustrate him hugely; sexually _and_ emotionally.

The fact that the temperatures in L.A. made it almost impossible to wear regular clothes made the whole thing even worse. Most of the time, Bill was wearing swim trunks – whether he was planning on swimming at some point in the day or not – or other highly revealing outfits. And Tom couldn't even blame him; it was definitely too hot to wear something warmer.

Faced with all of this, Tom wanked more or less twice every day, and still seemed to get excited whenever he caught a glimpse of his brother's body – whether he was half-naked or not didn't even seem to matter to Tom; he got hard either way. He flinched whenever Bill touched him, which seemed to happen even more often than usual; Bill was clearly still not entirely over Joop, and needed his brother's comfort. Even the simplest touch had incredible effects on Tom's body, and he couldn't deny Bill a hug or a gentle touch, which made it nearly impossible for him to keep his composure.

After what felt like his two hundredth wank, Tom finally began to realise something.

He needed to get laid. And he needed to get laid soon. If he didn't get some sex within the next few days, he would end up jumping and possibly hurting Bill, and that was the last thing he wanted to happen.

So he had to find some dumb, pretty thing and fuck her brains out – and possibly his own. Maybe that was what made him think he was in love with Bill. Maybe his feelings weren't real. Maybe it was just his really wrong and twisted way to deal with his horniness. So he needed to have sex.

Once that tension was gone, he would be fine around Bill; he was sure of it.

"I think we should go out," he announced to Bill the moment that relatively simple solution to his problems occurred to him. He looked up at his brother, shrugging when he got a curious look in return. "We're in L.A. Weren't you the one who kept gushing over how awesome L.A.'s nightlife apparently is? Well, here's your chance to find out. Call David; ask if he wants to come. If he has other plans, it'll be just the two of us. I'm sure you'll meet some celebrities you can talk to about fashion and stuff, and I'll… well, I'll get drunk."

He grinned, pleased when Bill gave him a smile, apparently liking that idea.

"You know what? You're right! We should go out. I'll call David right away."

Only a few days ago, Tom would've been pissed at Bill's reaction over the mention of David's name, but Tom had since then realised that the relationship between Bill and their manager was one hundred per cent platonic. While Bill was on the phone, Tom wondered if picking up a girl would be just as easy here as it usually was everywhere else in the world.

It had to be.

He was Tom Kaulitz, after all.

***

A few hours later, Tom was ready to leave while Bill… wasn't.

"Bill, come on!" he called up the stairs for the fifteenth time, looking at his watch. It wasn't as if he had a deadline or anything; he just wanted to get laid. And right now, Bill was standing in the way of him getting his much-needed release, in more than one way.

"I have nothing to wear!" Bill's voice came from upstairs and Tom groaned. He sat down on the stairs, knowing that this would probably take another half hour – if he was lucky. When Bill had a fashion crisis, he often made him wait even longer than that.

"And my hair looks terrible," Bill continued, "and where the hell did that zit on my chin come from? I do not get zits. This is so unfair!"

Tom looked up when Bill appeared, his face falling when he realised that Bill wasn't dressed, had a towel-turban on his head and was wearing no makeup whatsoever. Unless Bill had suddenly decided to go with an _extreme_ "nude" look – in more ways than one – he wasn't going to a club anytime soon.

"Bill!" he said, trying not to show how annoyed Bill's obsession with his appearance was making him at that moment. Usually, he thought it was endearing, but right now, he couldn't help being annoyed. "For fuck's sake – just wear one of your shirts, those leather pants you bought the other day, throw some makeup on and call it good. Honestly, Bill. You know you look good in just about anything, so why are you making such a big deal out of this?"

Bill frowned at him and shrugged. "I just want to look fabulous for our first night out in L.A., and I'm just not feeling it tonight. I'm sorry? You can still go, though…"

Tom looked up at Bill, and could tell that his brother wanted him to stay home with him instead.

But Tom wasn't going to give in this time. He needed sex, and he was going to get sex. Not even Bill's puppy eyes could stop him.

"Fine, then I'll go on my own. I have my cell in case you change your mind. If not, I'll be back later."

With those words, he stomped out of the house, leaving Bill alone.

In the limo, he felt bad for leaving Bill alone. He even contemplated going back home – but then he reminded himself that that wouldn't solve anything. And it wasn't as if Bill was completely alone. There were bodyguards around, and he could always call David and have him over.

Either way, Tom was getting laid tonight – with Bill or without him.

In preparation for their night out, Bill had figured out which club was "in" at the moment, and that was the one Tom went to; the one Bill had chosen for them. He was let inside without any problems and made his way straight to the bar, ordering a drink. Then he turned around and let his eyes roam the club, feeling like a tiger on the prowl.

It had been far too long since he'd last been out and looking for sex and her realised that he'd missed it.

He spotted a few beauties but none of them seemed to notice him – the only reasonable explanation for the fact that they weren't jumping him yet. But it wouldn't take long for him to be approached; he was sure of it.

"Hey there," a soft voice next to him practically purred then, and Tom came face to face with a blue-eyed beauty. She was tall, had a pretty face, long, dark-brown hair and a predatory smile. Her rack was amazing, Tom couldn't help but think that this was basically Bill with boobs… and blue eyes.

All right, so maybe she didn't look much like Bill at all – but if he was drunk enough, he could pretend it was Bill.

"Hi," Tom said, raising an eyebrow and taking a sip of his drink – the booze would also help him feel a little more confident about his English, which still sucked sometimes. He let his eyes travel over the girl's fantastic body, and licked his lips.

She smiled. "Are you looking for company?" she asked, her blue eyes flashing in the bright green lights. "I'm Carla, by the way."

"Tom," he said, stunned at the girl's directness – then again, he also appreciated this kind of boldness. Still, he was sure he would need a few more drinks to get his mind off Bill, so he pretended to be interested in whatever the girl was trying to tell him. Her English was slightly accented and really fast, so he only caught about half of what she was saying, but he nodded politely and feigned interest until he felt the alcohol begin to work and make him feel pleasantly tipsy.

The girl – Carla – seemed to notice that he was ready now, so she gave him a grin before reaching for his hand and leading him to the men's room…

*****

In the meantime, Bill had finally given up pouting, and had decided to follow his brother to the club. He wasn't sure why it had been so hard to find an outfit before, but for some reason, now that Tom was out of the house, it seemed to be much easier. He finally chose tight jeans, high-heeled boots, a slightly see-through top and dramatic makeup. Pleased with his appearance, he got into the car some time later, trying to suppress the nervousness he felt at the idea of having to enter the club on his own.

He made it into the club without any paparazzi or fan incidents, then started looking around for Tom right away, realising that his twin was harder to find than Bill had initially expected. He had been sure that Tom would be at the bar, surrounded by a group of pretty girls, but he wasn't. Frowning, Bill made his way through the club on his search for his brother, ran into a few fans and some minor celebrities who recognised him, then finally decided to give up. Tom had probably left already.

He treated himself to an Appletini and sipped it while texting his brother a couple of times, his frown deepening when he didn't get a reply.

Where was Tom?

The only reasonable explanation Bill could come up with was that Tom had gone home with some girl. But he hadn't been all that interested in women lately, so why would he choose to be tonight?

Bill shook his head; all this thinking was giving him a headache. His drink was mediocre to say the least, so he set the half-empty glass down, deciding to leave. He took off for the bathroom to freshen up his makeup – he couldn't risk running into a group of paparazzi on his way out when his makeup was smudged.

He reached for the door handle, then stopped abruptly the moment he set foot into the bathroom. His face paled, his eyes widened, then his cheeks flushed a deep scarlet as he stared at a different set of cheeks belonging to his brother and watched it tighten whenever Tom thrust into the brunette slut wrapped around him. She was moaning, her long red nails digging into his brother's shoulders as he continued to thrust into her, apparently not noticing Bill's presence or caring that just about anyone could walk in on them.

Bill couldn't move. He was frozen to the spot and couldn't do anything except stare at the back of his brother's head or his ass as it tightened to thrust into the girl. He tried to take a step back and close the door behind him but couldn't seem to snap out of his trance long enough to make himself move.

"Oh shit," the girl suddenly murmured when she caught sight of Bill, but Tom still didn't show any inclination to stop moving or check for possible voyeurs – he probably thought the girl was cursing because he was so great "in bed"… which was probably the case as well.

The girls wrapped her hand around Tom's braids, tugging lightly, and Bill felt his stomach flip with jealousy. Who did she think she was? For some reason, touching Tom's hair at that moment seemed to be a really intimate thing to do, and she was looking at him boldly, rubbing in the fact that Tom was fucking her, and apparently enjoying himself immensely.

"Tom," she said then, apparently tired of being stared at by Bill. "Tom, we're not alone."

Tom stopped moving but it took a while for him to register what the girl was saying. "Huh, what?"

Then, when he finally understood, he turned his head, his eyes widening comically when he saw Bill.

And suddenly, Bill's body seemed to unfreeze and he just shook his head as he backed away, leaving Tom and his slutty girlfriend to their own devices. Fuck them. He felt disappointed, and couldn't exactly tell why. He felt as if Tom had just betrayed him in the worst possible way, even though he couldn't explain that unreasonable feeling to himself at that point.

He held his breath and bit his lip hard as he made his way out of the club, stumbling slightly as he pushed his way through the crowd of people hoping to get into the club. His driver was still waiting for him and he fell into the limo, tugging the door shut and taking a few calming breaths.

He caught the driver's eye in the rear mirror and murmured an address, his head buzzing from the surprisingly strong drink he'd had while the images of Tom fucking that random girl like a cheap whore in the bathroom of the club kept flashing before his eyes.

Why did it upset him so much to think of his brother having sex? He had no idea. But whether they were unreasonable or not, his feelings were real and making him feel ill, and he just wanted to forget.

Still biting his lip hard in order to suppress his tears, he found himself in front of David's house some minutes later, and blinked a few times. When asking the driver about it, he just said that Bill had told him this address.

Huh. Bill rubbed his neck, and after some consideration, he got out of the car, deciding that getting drunk with David seemed like a good idea at the moment. The lights shining through the windows indicated that David was still awake, so he wasn't throwing him out of the bed by barging in in the middle of the night.

"Bill," David said as he opened the door, the confusion clear on his features. "What are you doing here? Did something happen?"

Bill shook his head, then shrugged. "I just want to have a drink," he said, ignoring David's raised eyebrow and making his way past him into the house.

David followed him into the living room and poured him a drink, not asking questions as he sat down across from Bill, his own drink in his hand.

This was one of the reasons why he and David got along so well. They knew each other inside out; and David not asking questions was the best thing that could've happened to him now. He closed his eyes and knocked back three drinks in quick succession, finally relaxing when the alcohol started to work its magic.

He leaned back, getting comfortable on the large, soft couch and looking over at David who was watching him intently; his eyes curious, even though he still wasn't asking questions.

Bill looked back at him, and suddenly found himself thinking about Tom's words from a few days ago. Did David really want him? Had he thought about it before? About kissing him, touching him, fucking him? While the thought was a little disturbing to him in some ways, he had to admit that David was attractive, in a way…

He hadn't even finished the thought before he climbed halfway onto the coffee table, leaned forward, wrapped his arms around the older man's neck and pressed his lips against David's. He closed his eyes and tilted his head, kissing him without really thinking about what he was doing, his eyes firmly closed. He could feel David's resistance, but it didn't matter to him at that point. He knew he was desirable – or hoped so, at least – so David would be kissing him back in no time.

He felt David's hand press against his chest and smiled inwardly, sure he had him now. "Bill, don't." It took a few moments for David's words to sink in, and even then, Bill didn't draw back – on the contrary, he tried to deepen the kiss and make the last of David's resistance crumble under his kiss. "Bill… Bill, stop!" It wasn't until David gripped his arm tightly that he finally broke the kiss and looked at David, his face deep red.

David looked at him carefully, clearly feeling that Bill's confidence wasn't as strong at that point as it usually was, and that he needed to choose his words carefully. "What are you doing?" he asked quietly, his hands still holding Bill's arms, preventing him from pulling away and leaving.

Bill blinked, finally registering that he'd just kissed David. His manager and friend. The father figure who'd always been there for him. He swallowed hard and tried to avert his eyes, but David's were strangely intense and he realised that he couldn't. "I thought you wanted it," Bill murmured, feeling thoroughly rejected by everyone. Why did no one want him?

"I do," David admitted, and Bill sucked in a sharp breath at that sudden, unexpected confession. David looked at him seriously. "But I know you don't want it, Bill. And it wouldn't be fair to either of us if I took advantage of your current moment of weakness because we'd probably both end up regretting it."

Bill looked at him for a long moment, letting the words sink in. He finally looked down and swallowed hard, realising that David was right. Admitting it to himself wasn't easy but it really wasn't as if he wanted to kiss David in the first place. He was upset, and he wanted someone to want him, so he'd grabbed the first person he could find, and yes, it wasn't nice or considerate of him; especially considering that David's feelings for him were, apparently, real.

He sighed heavily and moved off the table, sitting back down on the couch. "I'm sorry," he murmured, rubbing his forehead as sudden exhaustion washed over him. "You're right, I'm sorry."

"Why don't you tell me what happened?" David asked, and Bill looked up uncertainly. He wasn't sure if he could talk about it. He didn't even know why he was upset, so he just shook his head apologetically, pushing himself up onto his feet.

"I don't know. I just… needed some comfort, I guess," he said softly, running a hand through his hair and feeling more terrible than before. "I'm really sorry, David. I didn't mean to…"

He trailed off and looked at the older man with a curious frown. "So you're… I mean, you want me?"

David sighed and gave him a small smile, shrugging. "Everyone wants you, Bill. Don't you know that?"

Bill's frown deepened; at that moment, he really couldn't make himself believe that he was wanted by thousands of people out there. His confidence was at an all-time low, and he just shrugged. "I guess," he murmured. "But… you'll be fine, right?"

David nodded. "I will be, Bill. And so will you. I don't know what happened tonight, but if you ever need to talk, you know where to find me. You're exhausted – go home and get some sleep. I'm sure you'll feel better tomorrow morning."

Bill nodded; he didn't have the strength to contradict David. He let the older man guide him outside where the limousine was waiting for him and got into the car, trying not to think about anything until he was back at home in his bed, the sheets pulled up over his head.

Only then did he begin to wonder why seeing Tom with that girl had provoked all of these intense and unreasonable feelings in him. He felt betrayed, and he didn't know why.

Tom hadn't really done anything wrong, had he? He'd fucked a girl. He'd done the exact thing that people usually expected of him. To fuck girls and be happy about it. He'd always been a womaniser, and only because he hadn't had much time for girls lately didn't necessarily mean that he wasn't interested in them anymore, right?

But for some reason, Bill couldn't get the feeling of betrayal out of his system. He didn't know why he felt cheated and so deeply disappointed; he just did.

He had a hard time holding back his tears, and eventually just gave in to the sadness.

He'd shed too many tears over the past weeks but he still couldn't stop them from running down his cheeks and wetting his pillow. His last thought before he fell asleep was the image of Tom shagging that girl.

Where was Tom now?

***

It was past two am when Tom finally dragged himself home after a night of wild partying. He took off his clothes and slid into his bed after checking on Bill; he was home in his bed.

The girl had been surprisingly good, and Tom even found himself wondering if she was a professional.

Not that it mattered. He would never see her again.

Even though he was exhausted, he couldn't seem to fall asleep. He tossed and turned for an hour, then rolled onto his back and sighed heavily. He hated feeling like this. Apparently, getting laid hadn't solved anything – on the contrary, it seemed to have made things even worse.

Bill had caught them. Bill had seen him fuck this random slut and had then taken off. Tom had wanted to follow him but then Carla had slid down his body and deep-throated him, successfully destroying his will to make up with his brother. She'd continued to pleasure him for hours, and only now had he managed to get away from her.

He wondered how mad Bill really was. Would he ever forgive him?

He sighed when he realised that he'd been wondering about that exact thing far too often lately.

Part of him jumped to defence at that thought; he hadn't really done anything wrong. He was a sexual person and needed to get laid. The fact that he'd spent almost all of his time with Bill lately shouldn't make his brother assume that he'd lost interest in girls. He'd loved boobs for years, and probably always would. Bill shouldn't assume that he would give up girls just because their relationship was closer than ever.

And still he couldn't shake off the feeling of intense guilt.

He was torn out of his thoughts when the door to his room opened, and for a moment, Tom feared it might be Carla again. The girl had had something vaguely stalkery and he wouldn't put it past her to find out where he lived, follow him and break into his house.

But it wasn't her.

It was Bill.

Tom watched him, not moving for fear of chasing Bill away again. He watched his brother crawl under the sheets beside him, then rolled onto his side to face his twin. Their eyes met, and Tom released the breath he didn't know he'd been holding when he saw that Bill was okay.

He opened his arms, smiling a little when Bill snuggled into them immediately. He nosed his brother's hair and pressed a soft kiss against his jaw, tightening his arms around him without even meaning to; holding on to him for dear life.

"You smell like her," Bill murmured, his voice rough with sleep.

Tom bit his lip and nuzzled him. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "Do you want me to shower?"

Bill shook his head, nestling closer. "No. Don't leave me."

Tom closed his eyes and breathed his brother in, letting his comforting smell relax him.

"I won't," he said softly. "I will never leave you again, Bill."


	12. Closure/Closer

It was good to be home, Bill thought as they left the airport in Hamburg a few days later and made their way to Gustav's. They would be staying with him for a few days, since they had sold their old house and didn't particularly feel like bothering their mother and Gordon with their presence.

Of course their parents had protested loudly when Bill had insinuated that they could be bothering them, but in the end, they had agreed that it would be much more logical for them to be in Hamburg since that was where they would be working on a couple of things.

First of all, they had the photo shoot for their Best Of album, and then, Bill and Tom would be attending some lame charity event. Bill had tried to shift things around in order to avoid having to actually go to the event, but David had decided that it was necessary for them to attend, so Bill had given in, feeling that he owed it to David for all the things he'd put him through.

David didn't blame him, of course, but Bill still felt a little guilty for barging into his home in the middle of the night and kissing him, making it probably even harder for him to forget about his possible feelings for Bill. So they would make a brief appearance at the party and then go back home.

Sometimes, Bill envied Georg and Gustav. They were very much an important part of the band, but since they weren't as well-known by the public as the twins were, they never needed to deal with the boring shit Bill and Tom sometimes had to suffer through.

They were welcomed by Gustav who hugged them tightly, earning a raised eyebrow from both twins – they hadn't expected their friend to have missed them this much, but it was nice to know people thought about them when they were gone. They were shown to their rooms – Gustav had an insanely huge three-bedroom flat. It wasn't glamorous or anything, but it was the perfect place for Bill and Tom to be staying at while they were there.

"I'm ordering pizza," Gustav called from the kitchen while they were unpacking. "Am I right to assume that you're still doing this ridiculous vegetarian thing?"

Bill rolled his eyes but grinned; he had missed Gustav too. "Yes, we are. And it's not ridiculous, so screw you."

He could almost feel Gustav grinning and laughed softly.

Sometime later, the doorbell rang and Georg joined them, and as they ate their pizzas, they discussed the events of the weeks they'd spent apart as well as future stuff they had to take care of. They joked and laughed, and it was as if Bill and Tom had never been gone; just the way they'd hoped it would be.

Bill smiled to himself, swallowing the last piece of pizza and looking at Tom, Georg and Gustav, and finally back at Tom, his smile widening when Tom returned it.

Yes, it was good to be back.

***

"I feel underdressed," Tom murmured as they entered the building that the party was taking place in. Bill glanced at his brother and had to grin; Tom was wearing his usual baggy jeans and a dark grey sweater while almost all of the other men were in suits.

Except Bill. But Bill could get away with crazy outfits, just like Tom could get away with more casual clothes. No one seemed to mind anyway, and the twins attracted everyone's attention the moment they stepped foot into the hall. It was filled with German celebrities and rich people, all ready to make generous donations. Bill and Tom had already placed theirs and Bill wondered once again why they even needed to be here – but at the same time, it was nice to be out again.

His last attempt at partying hadn't exactly succeeded, and while this wasn't quite the same thing, he did enjoy the music, the atmosphere, and most of all, the looks he got.

He smiled at Tom and nudged him towards the bar where they both ordered a drink and then took a stroll around the hall, greeting people they knew and didn't know.

Tom got bored after a while and sneaked away when Bill started discussing the latest fashion trends with some girl he knew, and he made his way back to the bar, ordering another drink and sipping it slowly while looking around the hall.

He began to wonder if it was possible to fall asleep in a standing position when he suddenly spotted a blond head that immediately had his full attention. The girl's hair was long and sleek, her hips slender and her legs endless. He usually wasn't into blondes at all and preferred brunettes – obviously – but something about this girl interested him. And when she turned around, he blinked because he'd never seen a prettier creature in his life – Bill excluded. No girl or boy, no matter how pretty, could ever be as glorious as Bill was in Tom's eyes.

He watched the girl – who was probably a model – curiously, then frowned as he noticed her completely flat chest. No boobs on a girl was usually not something that attracted Tom but this girl just had that certain "je ne sais quoi" that made him lick his lips as the predator in him came out.

He was about to approach her – not even to flirt; just to talk to her – when someone slid an arm around her and pulled her close.

Tom's eyes widened when he recognised that someone as Wolfgang Joop. And immediately, his head snapped to where Bill was standing, relieved that Bill hadn't noticed him yet. He wasn't sure how Bill would react because he knew that his brother was still not entirely over his affair with the old guy.

He watched the slimy old creep kiss the blonde's cheek and shuddered, wondering once again why Bill had spent so much time with that guy. And now Joop had another beauty in his arms – what did that guy have that Tom didn't have?

He shook his head, and was about to go over there – not to make a scene but just to see what the guy was telling the blonde to make her smile that way – when he heard Bill's voice in his ear, and jumped.

"You bored?"

He whirled around to face his brother and looked at him, blinking stupidly a couple of times. "Bill! Hi! What are you doing here?"

Bill gave him an odd look that clearly indicated that he doubted his brother's mental stability and he reached up to touch Tom's forehead. "We came to this party together, remember? Are you feeling all right?"

Tom rolled his eyes and pushed his brother's hand away playfully, managing a grin. "I'm fine. You just scared me a little."

"I scared you?" Bill asked, arching a perfect, dark eyebrow and shaking his head. "Honestly, Tom. Did you take some sort of illegal substance I'm not aware of while I was gone? I really can't take my eyes off you for even a second, can I?"

Tom laughed and shook his head. "No. I'm just…" He trailed off and bit his lip. "Don't freak out, okay? Joop's here. And he has some blonde chick with him, and I just… wasn't sure if I should tell you or not. After everything that's happened… well, you know."

Bill frowned and licked his lips, nodding. "Where is he?"

Tom nodded in the direction of Joop and the girl. "Over there."

Bill turned his head and watched Joop with his new blonde for a moment, then looked at Tom and sighed. "Tomi… That's Andrej Peijic."

Tom eyed him. "No… That's Joop," he said slowly, wondering what _Bill_ was on.

Bill rolled his eyes. "I'm talking about the blond dude. It's a model – Andrej Pejic. It's a guy. Must be Joop's new boytoy."

Tom stared at him, then back at the blonde, then back at Bill. "It's a guy?" He stared back at her - _him_ \- completely flabbergasted. If that was a guy, and Bill was a guy, then Tom may just be gayer than he'd initially thought. He honestly hadn't been able to tell. Huh.

Shaking his head, he looked back at Bill. "Are you okay, though? With him being here?"

Bill nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine," he said quietly.

Tom watched his face and could tell that Bill wasn't all right. He bit his lip, not knowing what to do. In order to give Bill his support without doing something that was too obvious, he finally reached down and squeezed Bill's hand lightly, letting out a breath of relief when Bill gave him an honest smile.

"Thank you," Bill said softly. "I really am fine, Tomi. I mean, he clearly didn't care all that much about me, so… if he already has someone else, then… good for him, you know?"

Tom looked at him, not entirely convinced, but nodded. "Okay. If you say so…"

"I do," Bill said, nodding.

Tom continued to look at his brother and sighed. "You want to talk to him, don't you?"

Bill shrugged, chewing on his bottom lip, and Tom knew. "Yes," Bill said softly. "I mean… I just want to know why he was such an asshole at the end, and if he… you know. Ever really cared about me."

Tom bit his lip, trying not to say anything but he wanted to be honest with Bill. "Why do you need to know that? He was an idiot, Bill. A stupid mistake on your part, so can't we just leave this behind and move on?"

Bill glanced over at him, looking hurt for a moment. "I don't know. I don't think I can really move on unless I know why he treated me the way he treated me. Can't you understand that? I just want some… closure, I guess."

Tom sighed but nodded; he could understand that. "All right. Do what you must… but I'm not letting you out of my sight."

Bill grinned. "I didn't think so," he said softly. "I'm just going to talk to him and then we can leave, if you want."

Tom nodded. "I'd appreciate that; this party is such a bore."

Bill snorted, then took a deep breath and downed the rest of his drink before making his way over there, followed by Tom. He meant it – he really wouldn't leave Bill alone with the guy, no matter how personal their conversation got. Besides, while Bill was talking to Joop, he could ogle that Andrej guy some more and make sure that he really _was_ a guy. It was hard to believe that someone that delicate and feminine could be a man.

As they approached them, Joop looked up, his face changing a little when he saw Bill. Bill licked his lips and gave him a small smile, visibly uncomfortable but still brave enough to face the older man.

"Hey," he said softly when they reached them, and Tom gave Joop a curt nod before turning his attention to Andrej.

"Bill," Joop said, then cleared his throat. "Andrej, this is Bill Kaulitz, singer of the German band Tokio Hotel, and Tom, his brother."

Tom resisted the urge to roll his eyes; he was so much more than Bill's brother but decided not to go into details right now. He couldn't care less what the old fart thought about him.

"And this gorgeous creature is Andrej Pejic, supermodel and my new muse," Joop almost purred, making Tom want to make an obscene retching noise. Andrej seemed comfortable, though, and Tom again asked himself what it was about Joop that made beautiful young men so attracted to him.

"I like your music," Andrej said with a lazy smile at Bill. "And I admire your style. Very fascinating and dark."

Tom raised his eyebrows; he really _was_ a boy. His voice was soft and high but it was a young man's voice, without a doubt. His accent was cute, though.

Shaking his head, Tom decided to stop looking at him inappropriately, and watched Bill and Joop instead.

Bill was staring at the older man and seemed at a loss for words. Tom nudged him gently, giving him the encouragement he needed.

"Right, well. I just wanted to say hi," Bill said hesitantly; his previous confidence had clearly left him in the short distance from the bar to Joop.

Joop raised an eyebrow and met Tom's eyes briefly; Tom glared at him, daring him to say something mean.

Joop gave him a distasteful look before turning back to Bill. "Well, hello. And Bill – I'm sorry about the way things ended between us. I apologise for my behaviour that night; I must've had a couple of drinks more than I should have and I never meant to hurt you in any way. I just wanted you to know that."

Bill seemed to relax and managed a smile. "Thank you," he said quietly. "I'm glad to hear that. I just… yeah. I wanted to make sure things are okay between us."

"They are, if you want them to be," Joop said, and Bill nodded.

"Sure," Bill answered, smiling. He took a deep breath, then looked at Andrej. "And thank you. I've admired you ever since I first saw you. You're changing the whole fashion industry at the moment. Really admirable."

Andrej smiled back. "Thank you," he said. "You could do the same, though. I'm sure you would look great in a dress as well."

Bill laughed and Tom grinned, then paused to picture Bill in a dress – an idea that was oddly intriguing. He shook his head and forced himself _not_ to go there. He spent enough time thinking about Bill in inappropriate outfits as it was; he didn't need to add dresses to that list.

For a brief moment, he also considered apologising for punching Joop – but he didn't feel like lying. He wasn't sorry for hurting the man, so why apologise? Besides, things seemed to be all right between them now, so he didn't want to bring that up again.

After some more small talk, Bill and Joop finally said their goodbyes and Tom followed his brother to the door, surprised and pleased at the peaceful outcome of that conversation – he'd been fully prepared to punch Joop again if the needed had arisen.

They were silent on their way back to the hotel – since the event was in Cologne, they weren't able to go back to Hamburg tonight. Instead, they went back to Tom's room. They had separate rooms – a fact that Tom despised a little at that moment because he didn't want to have to leave Bill alone during the night – but he was sure they'd end up sharing the same bed in the end anyway. They rarely spent a night apart anymore, which was something that Tom both loved and hated.

They sat down on Tom's bed, shrugging out of their jackets and kicking off their shoes before helping themselves to drinks from the minibar.

"How are you feeling?" Tom asked after a moment of comfortable silence.

"Better," Bill said, nodding. "Clearly there was something between us; it just didn't work out. I don't think whatever's going on between Andrej and Joop will last much longer, and… yeah. I'm ready to move on now."

"Good," Tom replied, giving his brother a smile. He was glad; Bill's happiness was radiating off him at the moment, so he was sure he was telling the truth, and it was oddly infectious. He took a sip from the can of beer in his hand, then played with his lip ring as he thought about something he'd meant to ask Bill for a while now. He wasn't sure if now was the right time for a deep and meaningful conversation like this, but he had to ask.

"Bill? I've been wondering… I mean…" He bit his lip and tugged at the collar of his shirt, sighing softly. "What is it about him? What made you leave me for him? I thought… I don't know. I guess I thought nothing could come between us, and then Joop came along and it was so easy for you to go with him and ignore me for weeks."

He looked up at Bill, hating feeling this uncertain; he didn't want Bill to feel bad about this all over again, but since they were getting closure with the whole Joop thing tonight, he thought he'd get this over with as now, rather than later.

Bill looked at him and bit his lip, his brows furrowing thoughtfully. "Fuck," he murmured, running a hand through his hair. "I really hurt you, didn't I?"

Tom tried to shrug it off but he couldn't hide his feelings entirely. "A little," he admitted. "I mean… fuck yeah, you did. I just… I don't understand what made you choose him over me. I thought it would be you and me till the end; the two of us against the world. And then we have a little fight and you take off immediately? I just don't really understand it, Bill."

Bill shifted uncomfortably, but Tom didn't care. The whole situation made him feel awkward as well, but they needed to get this out.

"I don't know," Bill finally admitted, then raised a hand when Tom was about to argue with him. "I mean… I thought I was in love with him. I know it's no apology, Tom, you don't need to tell me that. I just don't know what else to say. He made me feel… incredible. I can't even describe it. And at that moment, I just felt abandoned by you. I needed your support and you didn't give it to me, so I just… left. I don't know why. I really don't. I'm sorry I hurt you, though, Tom, and if you think it was easy for me…" He shook his head. "It wasn't. It wasn’t easy at all. I missed you _so_ much. Every day and every night. And while he fulfilled some of my needs, he just wasn't you."

Tom looked at Bill and instantly felt bad for even broaching the subject. Bill looked so sad and broken that Tom just wanted to take it back, pet Bill and tell him that everything was going to be all right.

"You still haven't forgiven me, have you?" Bill asked softly, and Tom shook his head.

"No. I mean – yes. I've forgiven you a long time ago, Bill. I just want you to be happy, and I guess… I guess I was worried I wasn't making you happy enough. I wasn't giving you all I could give you, and… that you were looking for it somewhere else."

Bill shook his head abruptly, reaching for Tom's hand. "No, that isn't it at all. You make me happy – you're all I need, Tomi. Joop… I tried to turn it into more than it was, but in the end, it was just sex. Really good sex – and sorry, I won't mention that again."

He grinned a little when Tom grimaced. "But it was mind-blowing in a way I hadn't experienced before, and I just… thought it was love. But it wasn't. You will probably be the only person I'll ever really love."

Tom looked into Bill's eyes and knew that he was telling the truth. Bill meant it; Bill loved him more than anyone else.

They looked at each other for a long time, and suddenly, something shifted. Tom bit his lip and felt his heart speed up as something occurred to him… but he couldn't, could he?

On the other hand… if ever there was a right moment for this, it would be now.

He took a deep breath, and before he had the time to consider the consequences, he reached up and cupped Bill's cheek lightly, staring into his brother's eyes. His heart sped up and his stomach fluttered uncontrollably as he leaned forward, hesitant and determined at the same time.

He felt Bill's warm breath on his face and closed his eyes, breathing in his brother's scent. He was close, so close to finally taking that final step. Once again he realised that this was the moment he'd been waiting for, and that realisation gave him the push he needed.

Swallowing hard, he leaned in and brushed his lips over Bill's in a light, gentle kiss…


	13. The Kiss

_Swallowing hard, Tom leaned in and brushed his lips over Bill's in a light, gentle kiss…_

 

Bill felt his body go rigid when Tom kissed him completely unexpectedly. His eyes widened and he didn't know what to do. He held his breath for a long moment, but finally forced himself to relax because it was only a comforting, innocent, brotherly kiss.

Right?

It had to be.

Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and made himself relax. He allowed himself to enjoy the feel of his brother's soft lips against his own, and cupped his cheek gently to let him know that it was okay and that he loved him. He was a little surprised when Tom didn't draw back after a few seconds, but thought nothing of it, letting the kiss go on for as long as Tom needed it to.

But it didn't end.

After a moment, Tom cupped the back of his neck, calloused fingertips brushing the sensitive back of his neck while Tom tilted his head, parted his lips a little and let his tongue tickle Bill's bottom lip.

Bill froze and didn't know what to do. He was shocked because from one moment to the next, the previously innocent kiss had gone from brotherly to something much more intimate and intense, and Bill wasn't sure how to react. His brain was yelling at him to pull back, possibly slap Tom and tell him how incredibly inappropriate it was to kiss his brother like that.

But even more than that, Bill realised that he wanted this kiss. He wanted it to happen, and most of all, he wanted to kiss back and find out what Tom's tongue would feel like against his own.

He struggled for a long moment, torn between what was right and what he _wanted_ to do, and finally gave in and allowed himself to part his own lips and grant Tom's tongue access to his mouth. He wasn't sure if it was the right decision, but it certainly _felt_ right. He didn't think about the consequences and couldn't bring himself to care that it was technically _wrong_. It felt good and it was what he needed more than anything else right now.

A soft gasp escaped Tom's lips and Bill felt his stomach flutter as he met the tip of Tom's tongue with his own, letting out a surprised moan when Tom kissed him more aggressively, his fingertips digging into the back of his neck.

His heart was beating fast, and suddenly, everything he'd previously experienced, sexually and emotionally, paled in comparison to this kiss. Tom was both gentle and aggressive, and seemingly knew exactly how Bill wanted to be kissed. Bill swallowed hard and returned the kiss eagerly, overwhelmed when a surge of need and love for his brother washed over him, more intense than anything else he'd ever felt for his twin before.

He felt safe, loved, needed, and relaxed completely, melting into the kiss, clinging to it for as long as he could. This was Tom. He trusted him completely, knowing that his brother would never hurt him, never leave him for someone else or humiliate him the way Bill's former lovers had.

He was finally kissing the person who loved him more than anyone else ever could and would, and felt a warm, fluttery feeling spread in his belly at the realisation that Tom had been waiting for this to happen. He didn't know how he knew this but it was suddenly as clear to him as the fact that he himself had wanted this just as much.

And for the moment, it didn't matter how wrong this was. They were alone; they were in their safe little bubble, protected from the outside world, and the only things that mattered were the two of them and this kiss.

***

It was dawning outside when Bill fell asleep in Tom's arms. The older twin looked down at his brother adoringly, stroking Bill's dark hair out of his face. His mouth was dry, his lips swollen and even hurting a little but it didn't matter because the reason they were that way was the kiss he'd just shared with his brother.

He looked down at the other boy, gently brushing his forefinger over Bill's slightly puffy bottom lip, a smile tugging at his lips when he remembered the kiss. At the moment, it didn't even matter if it would ever happen again; the reminder of their first kiss, which had lasted all night, would stay with him forever.

Getting comfortable on his pillow and not taking his eyes off Bill's delicate features for even a second, Tom let his mind wander back to the beginning of the night, wondering what had been going on in Bill's mind when Tom had kissed him.

Bill had hesitated. Tom knew that he'd surprised his brother, but Bill had given in and kissed back far sooner than Tom had expected. He'd expected some resistance, maybe even a fight, but for Bill to just trust him so implicitly and let it happen had been way more than Tom could've ever hoped for.

They had been kissing all night, only breaking it occasionally to gasp for much-needed air, and finally for Bill to fall asleep.

Tom rested his head on the pillow, feeling better than he'd ever had before. He hoped that Bill wouldn't be too confused in the morning, but at the same time, he was sure that he would need some time to come to terms with what had happened. No matter how right it had felt, this was a big deal for both of them, and while Tom had had more than enough time to understand his feelings and accept them, this was new for Bill, and he would probably need a while to get why this had happened.

But Tom was okay with that. He would give Bill all the time he needed.

He would give Bill _anything_.

***

Bill was the first one to wake up, and since his bladder was threatening to burst, he gently removed Tom's arms from around his shoulders and went to the bathroom to relieve himself. When he came back, the realisation of what had happened, of what he'd spent his night doing, hit him like a punch in the face.

He'd kissed his brother. His brother had kissed him.

Taking a deep shaky breath, he realised that he was about to freak out. Tom was still asleep and he didn't want to freak _him_ out as well, so his only option was to flee as fast as he could. He left the room silently, managing to make it to his own hotel room before he sucked in a sobbing breath and buried his face in his hands. He leaned against the door and tried to breathe deeply, suppressing the tears that threatened to fall.

To say that he was confused would be an understatement. He wasn't sure about anything right now, and made it to his bed before he let the tears roll down his cheeks.

The kiss had meant so much to him. It had been perfect in every way. Last night, the fact that the boy he was kissing had been Tom hadn't mattered. But he knew he would be fooling himself if he kept pretending that it was all right for two brothers – twins, even – to kiss that way. There had to be consequences, and Bill desperately hoped that it wouldn't affect their relationship.

Last night, things had finally been all right between them. Bill had got over the whole Joop-thing, and then he'd gone and kissed his brother, possibly ruining all the progress they'd made in the past weeks. The idea of losing his brother again terrified him, and he couldn't help but wonder how Tom felt about the kiss.

Because Tom had initiated it, right? Bill wasn't sure how exactly it had happened but he was quite sure that Tom had been the one who'd started the kiss. And that made him wonder if it had been a spur of the moment thing, or if Tom had thought about kissing him before. And then he wondered for how _long_ Tom had been thinking about kissing him.

His mind went back to the almost-kiss they'd shared in the kitchen of their house on their last evening in Hamburg, and his confusion grew.

If Tom had wanted to kiss him that long ago, then why hadn't he attempted to do it again when they'd been alone in L.A.? Why had he fucked that random girl in the club? Why had he never talked about his feelings?

On the other hand, if Tom had feelings for him, it would explain his jealousy when he'd been convinced there was something between Bill and David.

Bill rubbed his forehead and sighed, more confused than ever. He looked at his barely unpacked suitcases, and wondered what to do. He wasn't sure if he could face Tom right now. He wasn't sure if he could _ever_ face him without blushing or doing something ridiculously embarrassing.

But at the same time, he knew he couldn't flee from the conversation they would inevitably have to have forever.

He would have to face Tom eventually.

***

When Tom woke up, Bill was gone. The bed was empty and he sighed heavily, knowing that Bill had panicked, and he hated himself for not being there when his brother had woken up and needed him. He made himself get out of bed, even though he was still tired, and after getting dressed, he made his way to Bill's room, knocking on the door.

No one answered.

Frowning, Tom went downstairs, relieved when he saw Bill sitting at a table by the window, sipping coffee. He was wearing sunglasses; a clear sign that he wasn't willing to talk to anyone.

But they had to talk. Bill would just have to deal with it.

Tom approached his brother's table and sat down across from him, pouring himself a cup of coffee as well. He tried to meet his brother's eyes, but the sunglasses made that pretty damn difficult.

"Bill," he said, taking a breath when he tried to sort his thoughts and come up with something to say. Before he could address the kiss, however, Bill interrupted him, changing the subject before Tom could even broach it.

"We're going home today, right?" he asked, running a hand through his hair. "Back to Hamburg? Our car leaves at noon, so if you haven't packed yet, you should probably do that."

Tom looked at him, his brows furrowing as he tried to read Bill's face. He was acting as if nothing had happened. Maybe he didn't remember?

Tom shook his head. Bill hadn't been that drunk, and he was certain that his brother wouldn't forget something major like the kiss they'd shared all night. Bill was trying to avoid talking about it. And even though Tom wanted to grab Bill and shake him before making him talk to him, he knew that Bill clearly needed some time to figure out the meaning of the kiss, and his feelings.

And Tom had sworn to himself that he would give Bill the time he needed. So no matter how much he wanted to talk about it, he needed to respect Bill's feelings and wishes right now.

Nodding, he finished his coffee. "All right," he murmured, referring to both their ride back home and the kiss as he said, "I'll be ready."

He would be there when Bill was ready to talk about it all, and he hoped Bill understood that. He could understand his brother's confusion and knew it would take time for Bill to deal with it.

The car ride back to Hamburg was spent in silence. The moment, they were seated, Bill pulled out his iPod and slid the earphones into his ears, shutting Tom out and signalling that he didn't want to talk about it. Tom hated that Bill wasn't able to just tell him that he wasn't ready to talk about it, but accepted it wordlessly.

They had all the time in the world.


	14. You Make Me Feel

Tom had never been a particularly patient man. He tried his best not to throw a fit when things or people were too slow for him, but sometimes it was hard not to complain. He knew that in this specific situation, it was vitally important for him to give Bill the time he needed but with every day that passed, the urge to kiss Bill or just _talk_ to him got harder to fight.

Bill was acting like nothing had happened to them. He never talked about the kiss or showed any desire to kiss him again. Even worse than that, Bill was ignoring him.

It wasn't obvious to anyone except Tom. Georg and Gustav didn't see the difference, apparently, which meant that it was either all in Tom's head, or that Bill really was doing it very subtly. It wasn't as if Bill didn't talk to him anymore. They did talk to each other regularly, but something was different. When Georg and Gustav were gone, Bill went into his room. Tom wanted to slide into bed with him and hold Bill while he slept; the way they'd done almost every day for the past weeks. But he knew when to stay away, as much as he hated doing so.

When Bill closed his door, it obviously meant that he needed some space.

Tom, on the other hand, didn't want or need any space. He'd never liked space, and wanted to be as close to his brother as possible. But whether he wanted to or not, he would have to wait. If he was lucky, Bill wouldn't take more than a few more days to figure out what he wanted. _If_ he wanted him.

Tom swallowed hard at the prospect of never kissing again. But more than that, he was afraid that Bill wouldn't want anything to do with him at all, which would be far worse.

But impossible. Bill needed him just as much as he needed Bill.

Right?

***

Meanwhile, Bill couldn't stop thinking about the kiss. He thought about it every minute of every day. Half of that time, he wished he could just ask Tom to do it again and make him forget all the doubts consuming his brain, and the other half of the time, he blushed just thinking about it.

He couldn't keep thinking about kissing his brother, could he? It was wrong – or at least it was supposed to be wrong. It may have _felt_ right but it couldn't be. No one else would find it right, so it had to be wrong.

Bill sighed. Thinking about it so much gave him a headache, and he wondered yet again when life had become so complicated. It had all been much easier when they were kids. No one had cared when they'd shared the same bed or snuggled in public, or kissed each other on the lips. Everyone had thought it was cute, and they'd spent their time cooing over the cute, little, affectionate twins.

Now, however, everything was different. They weren't children anymore, and that kiss they'd shared had definitely not been innocent in any way. It had been deep and emotional as well as a little sexual. Bill had been hard the entire time, and while his lips were pressed against Tom's, it hadn't mattered that he'd been hard for his brother.

He wondered if Tom had been hard too.

Then he smacked himself for even thinking about the state of his brother's cock.

Burying his face in his pillow in frustration, he resisted the urge to scream.

Would things ever be all right again?

No matter how much Bill thought about it, he just couldn't seem to come to a satisfying conclusion. Sometimes, he thought it would be best to just keep pretending that nothing had happened between them, and try to forget about his increasingly confusing feelings for his brother. At other times, he knew that he wouldn't be able to do that, no matter how hard he tried.

He had to do _something_. He just wasn't sure what.

But deep down, he knew that he wouldn't be able to escape these feelings. Some small part of him already understood that Tom was the One for him, and that no one else would ever be able to make him feel the way Tom had.

Now he just needed to wait for the rest of him to catch up.

***

"Is everything all right between you two?" Gustav asked one evening when Tom and Georg had disappeared into the kitchen to get them some drinks and make popcorn as they were about to watch a movie.

Bill looked up at him cautiously. His heart skipped a beat when he looked into Gustav's deep brown eyes and panic overtook him. Gustav knew. But how could he know? Had Tom said something? Was it that obvious? Did Gustav think they were complete freaks? Would he hate them now?

He made himself calm down, and tried to shrug nonchalantly. "Of course. What makes you ask that?"

Gustav looked at him thoughtfully, then shrugged as well. "I don't know. You two seem a little distant. Thoughtful. Usually, you're all over Tom, and I haven't seen you on his lap for a while now. Maybe I'm just imagining it."

Bill opened his mouth and was about to say that Gustav _was_ imagining it. He wanted to laugh it off and tell Gustav that everything was all right; that nothing weird was going on. But he hesitated. He desperately needed to talk to someone, and since he couldn't discuss this with Tom and he was going crazy just thinking about it all the time, maybe it would be a good idea to confide in Gustav. Because Gustav knew how close they were, so maybe he wouldn't even blink when he heard that they'd made out.

Conflicted, Bill bit his lip, not sure what to do.

Gustav was watching him, and turned to him, the look on his face one of concern. "Bill? Did you have a fight?"

Bill shook his head and swallowed hard. "Not exactly," he said softly, glancing to the kitchen door in worry.

"Well, then what is it?" Gustav asked, propping his chin up on his hand and looking at Bill curiously. "You can tell me; you know that, right?"

Bill swallowed again and nodded. He did know that he could tell Gustav almost anything. Gustav was the least judgemental person in the world; if anyone would understand, it would be him. But was it a good idea to get more people involved in this? Would Tom mind?

"I know," Bill said slowly, trying to find the courage to tell Gustav. He bit his lip hard, almost drawing blood as he weighed his options, trying to figure out whether it was a good idea to talk to Gustav or not.

In the end, he couldn't hold it in any longer and blurted it out before he could stop himself. "We kissed," he breathed, looking at Gustav urgently; now that he'd said it, he wanted to get this conversation over with as fast as he could – preferably, before Tom and Georg came back into the room. He could hear them laughing in the kitchen, and realised that it would take a while before they would be done.

"Tom and I, we kissed," Bill continued, running a hand through his hair and avoiding looking at Gustav because he wasn't sure he wanted to see the other boy's expression right now. "It just happened. I don't know how, but it did. We were just talking, and… we kissed. And it wasn't just a brotherly kiss; it was more than that. We made out all night, and… things have been weird ever since because I can't figure out what to do. I know it's wrong; you don’t need to tell me. But it felt good. It felt so fucking good, Gustav, you have no idea."

Finally, he dared to look up at Gustav and was relieved when he didn't see any sign of disgust on the drummer's face. He looked thoughtful and not really surprised, which made Bill frown in confusion and wonder what people really thought about them.

"Gustav?" he asked tentatively while the uncomfortable and nervous swirling in his belly increased the longer Gustav took to reply.

"I assumed it would be something like that," Gustav admitted. "I wasn't sure, of course, but when you two fight, it's always very obvious. Lately, there's just been this awkward silence and I figured something big must've happened." He bit his lip, pushing his glasses up on his nose. "So… you kissed. How do you feel about that?"

Bill stared at him and resisted the urge to laugh. Sometimes, Gustav was just so… _cool_. He always managed to keep a clear head, no matter what he was confronted with, and right now, he sounded like a shrink. Which was exactly what Bill needed at the moment. Someone to help him sort out his feelings.

"I'm… not sure," he said hesitantly. "I know it's wrong. Or other people would consider it wrong. But while I was kissing him, it all seemed so easy. So right. He made me forget about everything, and it just… made me feel like Tom is the only person in the world I ever want to kiss again. And I'm not sure how Tom feels about it, and I have no idea how to act around him now because I don't know if it was just a spur of the moment thing for him, or if he really meant it. It felt like he meant it, but what if he didn't? In a way, I just want things to go back to normal, but another part of me doesn't want Tom as just my brother anymore. Some part of me wants all of him."

He blinked when he finished, realising that he'd actually managed to express his feelings. He hadn't made this much sense in his head even once in the past days.

Gustav nodded thoughtfully. "I can't really tell you what to do, Bill," he said softly. "You need to figure this out for yourself. Give it a little more time and I'm sure your feelings will become clear to you. You answered your own question, in a way. Other people may think it's wrong. But you and Tom have always had a relationship that other people don't understand. You're everything to each other, and I've always thought that no one else would really have a chance with either of you. Tom comes first for you, and it's the same for Tom. Maybe your feelings for Tom feel wrong in many ways, but is that how _you_ feel or how you think you _have_ to feel because society tells us being in love with a family member is wrong? That's what you need to figure out, Bill. And does it matter what anyone else thinks? As long as the two of you are happy, that's really the only thing that matters, isn't it?"

Bill looked at him, and opened his mouth to say something, but no sound came out. He shook his head, then hugged Gustav, unable to express his gratitude in another way. Gustav had just opened his eyes in many ways, and while Bill still needed to think about it a little more, he already knew what he had to do.

"You should consider a career change," he said jokingly when he drew back, giving Gustav a smile. "You would make an excellent therapist."

Gustav grinned and shrugged. "I know, right?" He laughed, then turned serious again. "Will you be okay now?"

Bill nodded, feeling lighter and much less confused than he had only a few minutes ago. "I think so," he said, giving the other boy a smile. "This helped a lot – thank you, Gustav. I didn't think I could tell anyone but… this really helped."

Gustav smiled. "Good. I'm glad," he said, then looked up when Tom and Georg came back into the room. "Beer and popcorn! Could this evening become any better?"

Georg grinned. "Nope, I don't think so. Oh hang on, we're watching Transformers, so yes, it will be even more perfect. Megan Fox, anyone?"

Gustav snorted and Bill gave him a grin before glancing at Tom with a little smile. Tom returned it, a curious look on his face, obviously surprised that Bill was giving him the first smile he'd seen on his brother's face in days.

Bill scooted over, making room for Tom to sit next to him, a warm, fluttery feeling in his belly when he leaned against his brother, their thighs pressed together comfortably.

***

Tom stared up at the ceiling of Gustav's guestroom, his arms folded beneath his head. He couldn't sleep, and he wasn't sure if it was the excessive amount of popcorn or beer he'd consumed, or something else that wouldn't let him fall asleep.

Something had changed tonight, and he wasn’t sure what it was. Bill had looked so much more relaxed when he and Georg had come back from the kitchen, and had even let him sit next to him. During the previous days, he'd always made sure that at least one of the G's had been between them, but tonight, Bill had actively offered him the spot beside him.

Tom wasn't sure if it meant anything, but it had felt good to be next to his brother after what felt like such a long time of no touching at all. And Bill had smiled, and even talked to him, and Tom couldn't help but wonder what this sudden change meant. Had Bill come to terms with his feelings? Did he accept them now? Or had he just forgotten about the kiss entirely, and just wanted things to go back to normal?

Tom sighed and threw a hand over his forehead, closing his eyes.

He was instantly on alert when he heard a soft noise outside in the corridor. He held his breath and listened intently, and didn't move when the door to his room opened. He felt a presence next to his bed, and immediately knew that it was Bill.

He snorted inwardly. Of course it was Bill; if Gustav visited his room at this time of night, he would be worried.

"Tom? Tomi, are you awake?"

Tom shifted a little and looked up at Bill through the darkness, feeling the nervousness radiating off his twin. He looked at him curiously and nodded. "Yeah," he said softly. "What is it, Bill?"

Bill seemed to struggle for a moment before Tom saw him shake his head. "Don't talk," Bill whispered, getting onto the bed beside him. He was still looking at him intently, and the feeling was unnerving. Tom looked at him, wishing he could see Bill's face; it was difficult to read him when he couldn't see his expression.

"Bill?" Tom asked after a long moment of silence, getting another headshake in response.

Bill shifted and moved to slide under the covers, curling up against Tom's side. Tom swallowed hard and felt his cock harden instantly when Bill's lithe body pressed against him, his brother's breath hot on his face.

"What-" Tom started again, but before he could even finish forming a coherent sentence in his head, Bill had closed the distance between them and pressed a soft kiss against his lips. He was leaning over him, and Tom stared up at the other boy in surprise, trying to relax, even though the fact that Bill was so close made that nearly impossible.

His heart was racing in his chest and he looked into Bill's eyes, not sure what his brother wanted. He was about to say something again but Bill pressed his finger against his lips, shaking his head. "I said don't talk," he whispered, and Tom almost groaned in frustration.

How was he supposed to know what to do when he couldn't ask what this meant?

But a moment later, his unspoken question was answered when Bill's lips were against his again. This time, Bill didn't pull back, and Tom tried to fight his feelings for all of two seconds before he gripped the back of Bill's neck and kissed him harder, finally able to give in to what he'd wanted to do for weeks now.

He smoothed a hand down Bill's back and pulled him closer as he kissed him, trying not to be too aggressive for fear of scaring Bill away, but Bill didn't seem to mind at all. His brother was kissing him back just as passionately, and Tom couldn't believe that this was actually happening.

Bill had come to him willingly, apparently wanting to kiss him again.

The only problem now was that Tom wanted more. Kissing was more than he could've ever wished for, but his cock was hard and demanding more. He rubbed Bill's back, trying to occupy his hands, which wanted to stray lower and touch Bill in places he'd never touched before. He wasn't sure if Bill was ready for more, so he focused on the sensation of Bill's warm tongue in his mouth and the cool metal of his tongue piercing that Bill seemed to know exactly how to use.

Seconds or hours later, one of Bill's long legs was thrown over him and Tom moaned in surprise when Bill's thigh pressed against his erection. His first instinct was to move in an attempt to hide his body's reaction from Bill, but Bill made it impossible, trapping him with his body as he moved on top of him.

And then he felt Bill's erection against his hip, long, hard and insistent. Tom sucked in a sharp breath and drew back, staring up into Bill's half-closed eyes, searching his brother's face. Nothing had ever felt this good before. Tom had never been with a boy before but feeling Bill's arousal pressed against him was better than anything he'd ever experienced before.

"Tomi," Bill breathed, and the sound of his brother's voice was enough to make Tom's hips jerk up against him of their own accord. His eyes fluttered closed and he moaned again, then cupped Bill's cheeks and pulled him down for another kiss. His body was taking over, and while he knew that he still had to be careful not to do anything that Bill didn't want, he couldn't fight his body's urges anymore. While he wanted this to last and remember every second of it – for it might be the first and last time he'd ever have Bill in a position like this – his cock was pulsing in his pyjama pants, and demanded release.

As the kiss continually grew in heat and need, Bill shifted on top of him, making Tom gasp as he pressed their erections together, separated by only two thin layers of cotton. Tom slid his hands down Bill's sides, sliding one of them up under his twin's t-shirt, touching the soft, warm skin of his back almost reverently. They rubbed against each other as their tongues entwined in a desperate kiss.

"Bill," Tom moaned, unable to keep it down because Bill grinding down against him felt so good – so fucking good. He swallowed hard, sliding both hands onto Bill's ass, squeezing his round cheeks possessively and pressing their cocks even harder together in the process. "Fuck," he breathed, then bit his lip hard. "We can't do this here, Bill," he managed after a moment, staring up at his brother; his hips still arching up, desperately needing more of that delicious friction. "Gustav will hear."

"He won't care," Bill whispered, and Tom didn't have the time to process that statement before Bill reached down and tugged Tom's pyjama bottoms over his hips, baring his lower half just a moment before he did the same to himself.

Tom almost came instantly when their bare cocks brushed for the first time and he stared up at Bill with wide eyes, panting heavily. His fingers dug into Bill's now naked ass cheeks, probably leaving marks as he tried to keep Bill on top of him, constantly afraid that this would turn out to just be a very, very hot wet dream.

"Oh god," he moaned loudly, encouraged by the insistent movements of Bill's hips as they ground down against him. Bill's sharp hipbones dug into his own and he sucked in a breath when Bill's sharp little teeth sank into his bottom lip before sucking his lip ring into his mouth.

He stared at his brother incredulously, entranced by Bill's beauty and sexual instincts; Bill was either a natural at this, or he'd had a lot of practice – something Tom didn't want to think about right now. He closed his eyes and cupped the back of Bill's head when the other boy leaned forward and pressed his face into his neck, his lips sucking hard on Tom's slightly sweaty skin.

The pressure in his balls was increasing and he felt them tighten when Bill's warm breath caressed his ear. "Come for me, Tomi," Bill whispered, and Tom let out a hoarse cry when his body arched up and he came, his come splattering over his stomach, and Bill's as well, as he came harder than ever before. Bill mewled softly and followed him over the edge. The feel of Bill's warm come joining his own against his belly was almost enough to trigger a second orgasm and Tom wrapped his arms around Bill, still scared that this could turn out to be a dream, rather than the most exciting sexual experience he'd ever had.

He nuzzled Bill's neck, kissing his slightly sweaty skin lightly, then tilted his brother's chin up and kissed him lingeringly as they both came down from their orgasms.

The moment his body had recovered, a million questions popped up in Tom's head, and it took all of his strength to resist the urge to ask Bill what this meant. He remembered Bill telling him not to talk, so he didn't, and instead poured all of his love and adoration for his brother into that long, deep kiss, needing Bill to know how he felt about him. They had never needed words to communicate, and they didn't need them now.

The intensity of the kiss made Tom's stomach flutter when he realised that Bill felt the same about him. He didn't know what had caused Bill to change his mind so suddenly, and he honestly didn't care. The only thing that mattered was that Bill was here now, in his arms, where he belonged. They would figure out the rest together.

They rolled onto their sides and looked at each other, the tension between them almost unbearable. Tom's fingers were lightly stroking Bill's hair while Bill's hand rested possessively on Tom's hips. A small smile graced Bill's lips before he closed his eyes and snuggled into Tom, tangling their legs and holding onto him. Tom felt him relax in his arms and kissed his shoulder gently when Bill was asleep in his arms, and when he joined him a moment later, he knew without any doubt that this was right.

It didn't matter what other people thought about them. As long as they had each other, things were all right.


	15. Let's Talk About...

"Wow. You actually look innocent when you sleep."

Tom frowned and cracked an eye open and spotted Bill who seemed to be watching him with an amused grin. Tom rolled his eyes and groaned, rolling over and grabbing a pillow to put over his head. "Why are you watching me sleep?" he complained while Bill giggled and kissed his shoulder blade.

Tom's initial pout disappeared instantly and he smiled a little, shifting to press his back against Bill's chest, lacing his fingers with his brother's when the latter's arm came to wrap around his waist. He stayed like that for a minute or two, just enjoying the warmth of Bill's body against his own, before he turned around to look at Bill.

"How long have you been awake?" he asked curiously, rubbing his eyes sleepily and trying to figure out how late it was. Not that it mattered. He planned to spend the rest of the day in bed with Bill – if his brother was okay with it.

"Just a few minutes," Bill said softly, shrugging. "Your morning wood woke me up."

Tom's eyebrows shot up and Bill flushed when he realised he'd said that out loud. Tom grinned but turned silent a moment later when he saw the discomfort on Bill's face. He furrowed his brow as he looked at Bill seriously. "Can we talk about it now?"

"Talk about what?" Bill asked, biting his lip and avoiding Tom's eyes.

"It," Tom said, giving him a significant look. He reached for Bill's chin and tilted it up, forcing him to look into his eyes. "You know what I mean, Bill. Last night. You being here. You didn't want to talk last night, so can we do it now?"

Bill chewed on his bottom lip and rolled onto his back, giving another weak shrug. "I guess," he said softly.

Tom looked at his brother's profile thoughtfully, wondering what was going on in Bill's head. He looked worried, and Tom realised that Bill was actually afraid Tom was going to say something about last night being a one-time thing. He couldn't believe that Bill would think that after all they'd been through. Hadn't Tom made it clear that he wanted him, _needed_ him?

"Bill," he said impatiently, pushing himself up and leaning over Bill a little. "What's going on?"

"I don't know," Bill said quietly, glancing up at Tom briefly before looking down again. He licked his lips and swallowed hard. "I just… I feel weird."

Tom looked down at him, not sure what to say. "Because of me?" he asked softly, hating the idea of possibly having caused Bill pain. He could see that Bill was confused – and even though he himself had had the chance to think about this for a relatively long time, he couldn't deny that his feelings still confused him a little as well. He couldn't blame Bill for not understanding why his feelings had changed; it was a lot to handle.

"No," Bill said, then bit his lip and met Tom's eyes again. "Yes. I mean… Fuck."

He ran a hand through his hair, then cupped the back of Tom's neck. "Just kiss me, please."

He pulled him down and Tom's eyes fluttered closed as he kissed Bill back. He knew they had to talk about this; get it all out in the open, but he didn't want to pressure Bill, so he let the kiss happen. He moaned when Bill's tongue slid into his mouth, and scooted closer to his brother, pressing his erection against the younger boy's thigh. Bill sucked in a breath, and Tom let his hand wander down to press against Bill's cock, pleased to find that it was just as hard as his own.

He kept his hand there for a long moment, letting the comforting feeling of Bill's hard, warm cock against his hand sink in. It was Bill who broke the kiss, drawing back to look up at Tom worriedly. "What are we doing here, Tomi?" he whispered, and Tom felt his belly swirl when he heard the nervousness in Bill's voice.

He slid his hand back up to rest against Bill's chest, and felt Bill's rapid heartbeat against his palm. "That's what I want to talk to you about," Tom said softly. "We need to talk about this at some point, Bill."

He pushed himself up, folding his legs underneath him and taking a deep breath. "I love you. You know that. But I also have feelings for you that are more than brotherly, and I can't fight them. I've known about them for a while, and I know that you probably need more time to come to terms with your own feelings, but…" He trailed off and played with his lip ring as he thought. "I want you to know that I'm in. Whatever you want, Bill, I'm in. I want to be with you and kiss you, and… well." He smiled a little. "More. I want everything."

Bill looked up at him, his eyes widening briefly at the prospect of 'more'. But he didn't jump up and run away – which was something, at least. Tom watched him curiously and he could practically see Bill's mind working and trying to come up with an explanation for their feelings. Because at this point, he was pretty sure Bill felt the same way about him. He just hadn't fully processed it yet; that much was clear.

"But we can't be together," Bill said after a long moment of silence, looking up at Tom searchingly. "We can't, can we?"

Tom lowered himself onto the bed beside his brother and rolled onto his side to face him. Bill did the same, the worried expression still in place. "Tomi?"

Tom brushed his fingertips over the back of Bill's hand, covering his smaller hand with his own larger one. He slid his fingers between Bill's as he thought, then shook his head. "Not openly," he said quietly. "We can't be a real couple and walk around hand in hand in public places, if that's what you mean. But Bill, think about it. We can't really do that with anyone else either. So is this really all that different?"

Bill nodded slowly and gripped Tom's fingers with his own. "But isn't it wrong?" he asked then, the worry clear in his eyes. "We're brothers – twins. We're not… supposed to feel this way about each other."

Tom nodded. "I know," he said softly. "But do you care?"

He searched Bill's face. "You've never cared what anyone thinks about you before. You've never wanted to be conventional and have a normal life, like other people. And it's not like anyone's going to find out. If we do this, it would be between you and me. Does it really matter what other people would think about it? They're never going to find out anyway."

"Gustav knows," Bill said, making Tom's brows shoot up into his forehead. Bill smiled shyly and shrugged. "He doesn't care. He already knew before I talked to him last night, and… he's okay with it. He doesn't mind. He doesn't even think it's all that unusual – for us, at least."

Tom nodded. "And it isn't. We've always been close, Bill, so is this really that different?"

Bill shrugged, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth as he considered it. "It is, sort of. I mean… it's-" He paused, furrowing his brows. "It's incest."

Tom couldn't suppress a grin and raised a brow. "Well, the fans would be down with that, I think," he said cheerfully, and Bill rolled his eyes.

"Be serious, Tomi. This would be a big step, even for us," he said, and Tom could tell that Bill didn't really care what other people thought – he just needed Tom to confirm that it was okay. So Tom did.

"It would be," he said softly. "But we both want it. It's love. Can it really be all that wrong? I mean, you've always talked about soul mates and wanting to find the love of your life. What if it's me? What if we've been each other's soul mates all along, and we just didn't see it because everything we've learned told us that it would be wrong? It feels right to me, Bill. Isn't that the only thing that matters?"

Bill looked into his eyes, and Tom could see that Bill was giving in. He wanted this - _they_ wanted this. And while Bill would probably still need some time to fully understand the nature of his feelings, it was clear that he wasn't going to deny both of them what they wanted so badly.

"I guess it is," he said finally, glancing up at his brother, and Tom could instantly tell that Bill had something else on his mind. He propped his head up on his free hand, looking at the other boy curiously.

"Tell me, Bill," he said. "Whatever it is – let's talk about it now. I don't want anything weird between us. If there's something you're worried about, just talk to me and we'll figure it out. All right?"

Bill nodded and glanced down for a long moment. "I just… You're not going to fuck random girls anymore if we do this, right? I couldn't…" He paused. "I don't think I could handle you being with someone else."

Tom felt terrible, realising that Bill was referring to that girl he'd slept with in L.A. He squeezed Bill's hand and shook his head. "No. I'm not going to sleep with any girl. You're the only thing I want, Bill. I only went out that night because I was afraid I'd hurt you in some way, if I didn't… scratch that itch, you know? I had to get laid, and the entire time I was fucking her, I was thinking about you."

It was Tom's turn to blush when Bill's eyes widened, and he shrugged a little. "It's true."

Bill's frown turned into a smile which Tom returned tentatively.

"So we're going to do this?" he asked softly, his need for Bill growing as the silence between them stretched. It wasn't an awkward silence but Tom still found himself on tenterhooks as he waited for Bill's final word about their impending relationship. It would be hard – if not impossible – for him to accept a 'no', now that he knew Bill felt the same way about him. But he would be able to handle it, even while he kept praying for Bill to say yes.

"Yeah," Bill finally said, a shy smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he released Tom's hand from his firm grip. "Yes, we're going to do this."

Tom's grin almost split his face as he pushed himself up to cover Bill's lips with his own. He closed his eyes and melted into the kiss, his hand caressing the soft skin of Bill's cheek as he slid his tongue into his brother's mouth and gave in to what he'd been trying to fight for months now.

Finally, Bill was his.

He drew back after a long kiss and looked into Bill's eyes, a playful glint in his own. "So, does that mean I'm officially allowed to molest you now?"

Bill snorted but grinned, raising one perfect black eyebrow. "Yes, Tom. That's exactly what it means. And I expect you to do it within the next few minutes, or I'll have to jump _you_."

Tom laughed and kissed him again, a pleasant fluttering in his stomach as he moved closer to Bill, his heart pounding in excitement. They shed their clothes as the kiss deepened, searching hands wandering over unexplored skin. Tom couldn't seem to get enough of Bill, needing to feel every inch of his brother beneath his fingertips.

He moaned when Bill's elegant fingers closed around his dick and began to stroke him, and he found himself wondering if this was how Bill touched himself. He had to ask him sometime, and wondered if Bill would do it for him, at some point; touch himself while Tom watched.

His grip was firm yet gentle and Tom tried to mirror Bill's touches on Bill's cock, wanting him to enjoy this.

"Harder," Bill hissed against his lips and Tom moaned when Bill squeezed his cock, his hips arching up into the touch helplessly. He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against Bill's as he tightened his hand around Bill's erection, stroking him fast and hard. They would have time to do it again more slowly later; right now, they both desperately needed release.

It didn't take long for both of them to come, and Tom relished the soft, breathy whimper that left Bill's lips just before he came, coating Tom's hand with his seed. Tom followed him over the edge only seconds later, long ropes of seed splashing all over Bill's stomach as his orgasm washed over him.

As they both recovered from the sensational force of their orgasms, Tom tightened his arms around Bill and pulled him closer, their legs tangling and their arms firmly wrapped around each other. Their bodies fit together perfectly, and Tom couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be inside of Bill.

He'd never had anal sex before, but he couldn't wait to find out what it was like. He knew that because it was Bill, it would be perfect.

"What are you thinking about?" Bill asked softly after a moment of silence, and Tom couldn't suppress the snicker that escaped his lips.

Bill raised an eyebrow at him but grinned, and Tom realised that he'd never seen Bill look this happy and relaxed – at least not recently. It warmed him to the core when he realised that he was the reason for Bill's happiness, and he wanted to feel this way every day from now on.

"So?" Bill asked, and Tom shrugged, burying his face in Bill's neck as he grinned. "It's something perverted, isn't it?"

Tom laughed, not surprised that Bill could read him so well. "Maybe?"

He started sucking on Bill's neck while his hand wandered down his brother's side and tickled him. He laughed when Bill squeaked, then raised both brows in surprise when Bill turned the leaf and he found himself pinned to the bed with Bill straddling his hips.

They stared at each other as they caught their breaths, and Tom's grin widened when he saw the twinkle in Bill's eyes. He wondered what Bill had in store for him, and he couldn't wait to find out.

Either way, he was sure he was going to like it. A lot.


	16. Foreplay

"Tomi, can you hand me the ketchup, please?"

Their fingers brushed when Tom gave Bill the bottle, and a secret smile was exchanged between the two of them, the love between them more obvious than ever before. Georg and Gustav who were in the room with them noticed it instantly, and even though they hadn't officially told Georg, they knew that he was aware of the change between them. Maybe Gustav had told him, or maybe they just couldn't hide their mutual attraction anymore and Georg had picked up on the fact that they were more than twins now. Either way, it didn't matter. Their friends obviously supported their secret relationship and were decent enough not to talk about it.

A week had passed since they'd finally discussed their feelings, and Bill was in seventh heaven. All his previous relationships and the countless men he'd thought would be his soul mates didn't matter anymore; he barely even remembered them at this point. He'd finally found the person he wanted to spend his life with, and he no longer cared that said person was his brother. He couldn't believe he'd had the love of his life right in front of him all this time, and part of him regretted not knowing how he felt about Tom before now – but on the other hand, his obliviousness had given him the opportunity to experiment a little, and now he was sure that no one else was out there waiting for him.

What he also regretted a little was the fact that he hadn't saved himself for Tom. He'd given his virginity to some meaningless boy he'd met a few years ago while Tom should have been his first. But he couldn't change it now – all he could do was to make sure that his first time with Tom would be as perfect as it could possibly be.

Even though they'd spent half the week in bed together, they hadn't gone all the way yet. Bill had managed to convince a reluctant Tom to wait a little before they had sex. Tom had agreed but was still clearly frustrated every time Bill batted his hand away when he attempted to get anywhere near Bill's ass.

One look at Tom told Bill that his brother was thinking about it right now. Bill smirked inwardly; he loved torturing Tom. He gave him a seductive smile and raised an eyebrow, licking his lips slowly before he grinned innocently. Tom sighed and gave him a slightly annoyed look, but Bill knew he wasn't really mad at him. Tom enjoyed the flirting and touching just as much as he did, and when the time came and they finally made love, it would be exceptional. Bill was sure of it.

The moment Georg and Gustav were out of the room, Bill found himself pressed against the fridge and he gave Tom a slow grin. He wiggled his brows and Tom almost growled as he crushed their lips together in a hard, urgent kiss. "You're such a fucking tease," he murmured, and Bill couldn't suppress a laugh.

"You like it," he breathed between kisses, sliding his hands down his brother's back to cup his ass and pull him closer, pushing his hips forward to rub his very obvious erection against Tom's.

Tom stifled a moan and kissed him again, grinding his hips against Bill's while his hands slid under Bill's shirt, stroking his skin. Bill shivered, feeling goose bumps break out all over his body as he arched into the touch, his need for his brother growing rapidly.

"Are you guys planning to move your ridiculously skinny asses into the living room at some point, or should we start the movie without you?" Georg's impatient voice came from the other room, and the twins broke apart instantly.

Bill stared at Tom, a little out of breath, then shook his head when Tom raised an eyebrow temptingly. "Not now," he whispered, then raised his voice. "My ass is offended at the insinuation that it's skinny, Hagen! And stop being so fucking impatient; we're on our way."

He winked at Tom, then reached for their plates and made his way into the living room, glancing over his shoulders to see if Tom was watching him as he swung his hips. He laughed when he saw the look on Tom's face and heard his brother mutter something under his breath as he followed him into the other room.

"Finally," Georg said but gave the two of them an amused and knowing look. Bill blushed a little but grinned as he flopped down on the empty couch, smiling innocently at Tom as his brother joined him.

"All right, start the movie," Gustav said. "I'm planning on going to bed early tonight. Having those two in my house makes it impossible for me to get my beauty sleep."

He smirked when Bill threw a pillow at him, then huffed when Tom murmured something about Gustav desperately needing some _beauty_ sleep.

They turned silent when the movie began, and Bill focused on following the story as he ate his fries, even though Tom's presence beside him distracted him every once in a while. When he was done eating, he leaned against his brother, and reached for one of the fleece blankets, snuggling and resting his head on Tom's shoulder.

He'd almost managed to forget that the object of his deepest desires was sitting right beside him and to concentrate fully on the movie when he felt Tom's hand on his thigh. He jerked a little and threw a nervous glance at Georg and Gustav – even though they seemed to know about them, Bill wasn't ready for such public display of affection. He relaxed when he saw that their friends were engrossed in the movie, and slid his hand over Tom's, stroking it gently.

His eyebrows shot up when he felt Tom's hand move up a little, coming dangerously close to his crotch. He eyed his brother and gave him a warning look but Tom didn't pay him any attention while his hand snaked up his thigh and finally rested on the bulge between Bill's legs.

If this was Tom's idea of a joke…

Bill closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to act as if nothing was going on, even though the increasing pressure of Tom's hand made it difficult to focus on anything else. His hand was warm and now _rubbing_ him lightly through his pants. Bill swallowed hard and buried his face in Tom's neck, breathing in his brother's scent as he tried to keep his ass glued to the couch and not thrust up against the welcoming warmth of Tom's palm.

He sucked in a sharp breath when he felt Tom's fingers work on the button and zipper of his jeans, and looked up at him with wide eyes when he realised that Tom wasn't just teasing him; he actually wanted to touch him while the two other boys sat right beside them.

Closing his eyes, Bill understood that this was Tom's revenge for making him wait. How was he supposed to get through this without moaning when even the littlest of Tom's touches made him want to scream? He glared at his brother but realised that he wouldn't make him change his mind, so he pulled up his legs, making sure that his crotch was covered by the tent of the blanket. Then he bit his lip and swallowed hard, preparing for what was about to come.

He couldn't deny that the idea of Tom touching him in public like this turned him on. He was rock-hard, his cock already leaking and aching for the firm touch of Tom's hand. He lifted his hips a little to help Tom pull his pants and underwear down, then supressed a gasp when Tom wrapped his hand around his cock. Meanwhile, his brother kept staring at the TV as if the film was the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen and he wasn't currently jerking Bill off.

His grip was firm and sure, and Bill grabbed a cushion and pressed it against his mouth, his toes curling when Tom started stroking him. To his surprise, he managed to sit still and let it happen without giving anything away. Georg and Gustav were still watching the movie, occasionally pointing out plot holes and joking about the stupid dialogue while Bill tried desperately not to come undone or attract their attention in some other way. For someone as vocal as Bill, it wasn't easy to bite down on the pillow while he really wanted to moan and gasp and writhe and show Tom just how much he loved what he was doing to him.

He was almost sure that he would get through this without making even the smallest sound when he felt Tom's other hand rub his lower back. He glanced over at his brother suspiciously, then gasped into the cushion when Tom's hand slid lower to press against his ass. He felt one of Tom's long fingers stroke his crack, and squeezed his eyes shut.

Tom was playing dangerously and Bill wanted to smack the smug grin off his twin's face. Tom's hand stilled on his cock, and Bill tried desperately to thrust up and get back the friction he so desperately needed.

A moment later, he felt Tom's finger brush his hole and sucked in a sharp breath.

"Tom," he hissed, trying to get Tom's attention, but the other boy's eyes were still glued to the TV even as his finger slowly worked its way past the resistance of Bill's tight muscle. Bill's eyes rolled into the back of his head and he bit his lip hard, tasting blood. Tom was going to pay for this – as much as Bill enjoyed it, he still couldn't believe that Tom was doing this with their friends present.

"I want to fuck you." Bill shivered when he heard Tom's whisper in his ear, his breath hot on his neck. "I want to fuck you so badly, Bill. You feel so good; tight and warm… Can't wait to be in you."

As he murmured those words against his neck and started sucking on it lightly, his finger slid all the way inside Bill and Tom's other hand started moving on his cock again. Bill tensed and only let out a soft whimper when he came, clenching around Tom's finger while he coated his brother's hand with his seed. He collapsed against the other boy, trying to breathe evenly as he continued to twitch lightly around Tom's finger.

"Jesus, Bill," Georg suddenly said, and when Bill opened his eyes, he found Georg and Gustav both staring at him. "I know you don't like action movies, but get a grip, will you?"

He shook his head and turned back to the TV while Gustav gave them an incredulous look – it was obvious that he knew exactly what the twins had been up to only moments before. He rolled his eyes at Georg's obliviousness before he turned back to the TV as well.

"You're going to pay for this," Bill whispered with a threatening look at Tom while his brother grinned innocently. He slid his finger out of Bill and wiped his hand on the blanket, then helped Bill pull his pants back up, making sure everything was tucked in before he pulled up the zipper and leaned back; acting as if nothing had happened.

Closing his eyes and enjoying the pleasant buzzing everywhere in his body, Bill caught his breath and recovered from the incredible force of his orgasm. He tried to understand the rest of the movie – but it was frankly the last thing on his mind right now.

He wanted Tom. He wanted him so badly, but he wouldn't give in. Not now; not yet. But he knew he wouldn't be able to keep resisting for a long time. Tom was good – and obviously didn't play by the rules – so Bill would try to resist him for as long as he could, even if it was only a few more days.

"Right, I'm off," Georg said, getting up the moment the credits appeared on the screen. "Meeting the girlfriend for a drink, so I'll see you tomorrow."

He stopped in front of Bill and Tom and sighed. "Take Bill to bed, Tom. He looks exhausted."

He made his way out of the room while Tom smirked. "Oh, I plan to," he muttered.

"You will get the stain out of my blanket or buy me a new one," Gustav said with a look at them as he followed Georg to the door.

Bill's cheeks flushed and he slid down, pulling the blanket over his head. He couldn't believe that Georg hadn't noticed anything but at the same time, he was mortified that Gustav apparently knew exactly what they'd been up to.

"I hate you," he murmured, and Tom laughed as he pulled down the blanket.

"No, you don't," he said with a smug grin. Bill glared at him and flipped him off before he stood up.

"If you think what you just did makes me want to have sex with you sooner, you're wrong," Bill said, raising an eyebrow and grinning at the shocked look on his twin's face. "Yep. You just earned yourself three more weeks of waiting."

He went to his room, desperately needing a shower while he left behind a stunned and obviously put off Tom.

***

" _I feel lost in myself, there's an alien in me…_ "

Tom smirked as he entered the bathroom, leaning back as he watched the water run down his brother's body. He licked his lips as he eyed him appreciatively, then cleared his throat to inform Bill of his presence. Bill didn't turn and kept singing while Tom discarded his clothes, opened the shower door and slid in behind his brother.

"I can't say I'm an alien but you could have someone in you, if you wanted," he purred into Bill's ear, sliding his arms around his brother's slender form. He pressed his erection against Bill's ass, moaning when it slid between Bill's buttocks. "Fuck, I want you…"

Bill leaned against him and tilted his head to look at him, smiling slowly as he rubbed against him. "Didn't you hear me before?" he asked softly. "There won't be anything in there for at least another three weeks."

He turned around abruptly and pressed Tom against the shower wall, grinning. Tom, caught off guard, hissed softly and licked his lips when Bill's eyes darkened. He glanced down and saw that his brother was hard again, and wished Bill would just give in and let him have him already.

He had been waiting for so long – maybe Bill didn't even realise how long he'd wanted this, or he wouldn't be this mean and make him wait even longer. Or would he?

They both wanted it, so why couldn't they just do it?

He sighed heavily, knowing that Bill had a point. Tom wanted it to be special, too – but at the same time, he knew it would be special no matter when they did it.

"Come on, Bill," he sighed, sliding his hands onto Bill's hips and pulling him against him, placing a gentle kiss on his twin's nose. "Why make us both miserable when we want it so much?"

Bill shook his head, gently pressing his hands against Tom's shoulders. "Not yet, Tomi. Maybe I won't make you wait another month but…" He shrugged and smiled innocently. "Just be patient. The right time will come. I'll jump you when you least expect it."

Tom pouted but apparently it had no effect on Bill. He slid his hands onto his brother's ass, sighing heavily. He couldn't even begin to express how much he wanted Bill but he hoped Bill knew. But at the same time, he also respected Bill's wish to wait. And it wasn't as if Bill didn't give him any satisfaction – they had found plenty of ways to get each other off without the actual penetration.

"I'd like to thank you, though," Bill purred then, making Tom look up. "You've been a bad boy for making me so hard while the G's were in the room, but I did enjoy it. So…"

Tom raised a questioning eyebrow while his cock jumped to attention at the promising smile on Bill's face. He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes when Bill started kissing his shoulder and collarbone, cupping the back of Bill's neck to pull him closer as his brother's lips and teeth abused the sensitive skin. He would have a mark, but he didn't care – on the contrary. He wanted Bill to mark him. He liked that his brother was so possessive, and knew that this wasn't the first time Bill had claimed him as his own.

He had plenty of other hickeys all over his body to prove that he was, indeed, Bill's, and that Bill was possibly a little vampire. He was a biter. And Tom loved it.

A moan escaped his lips when Bill's mouth travelled down his body and he got onto his knees, his breath hot against Tom's cock as he leaned forward. Forcing himself to open his eyes, Tom looked down, running a hand over Bill's wet hair as his brother nibbled and kissed his erection and balls.

"Fuck, Bill," he hissed when his cock was surrounded by the wet heat of Bill's mouth, and he stared down into his brother's eyes as the latter moved his head back and forth, engulfing more and more of his cock in that talented mouth. Bill's tongue – and that exquisite piercing – rubbed against the sensitive underside of his erection, and Tom moaned, fisting Bill's hair while he knew he wouldn't last long. Bill was ridiculously good at this – he'd proven that many times in the last few days – and when he deep-throated him, Tom only just had the opportunity to warn him, giving Bill a chance to pull back before he came all over Bill's face.

He stared down at that face that was so much like his own, panting heavily as he reached down to smooth some of his come over Bill's bottom lip. He watched his brother lick it up and moaned approvingly before tugging him up and giving him another long, hard kiss.

They left the shower several long minutes later, both exhausted from their orgasms, and they collapsed onto the bed in a tangle of limbs. Silence fell over the room as they found a comfortable position with Bill nestled into Tom and Tom's hand on his brother's back.

"When?" Tom broke the silence just before Bill could doze off, and the younger boy looked up at him curiously. "How long are you going to make me wait?"

Bill smiled a little and shook his head, kissing Tom's chin lightly. "Not much longer," he whispered. "When we're back at home, we'll do it."

Tom's eyes widened and his heart skipped a beat, then he relaxed and sighed, satisfied at the realisation that they would fly back to LA in only a couple of days.

He could wait for a few more days.


	17. One

"Bill. Billi, wake up."

Bill blinked and looked at Tom sleepily, rubbing his eyes. "What is it?" he murmured, stifling a yawn. "Are we there?"

Tom shook his head. "Not yet," he murmured, smiling as he ran a hand through Bill's tousled hair. He may always make sure to look good for the paparazzi and fans when they got off the plane but in that area, Bill was just as unfortunate as any other mortal human being. He got plane hair just like everyone else.

"Why did you wake me up then?" Bill whined; squirming to find the comfortable position he'd been in before Tom had woken him up, and glaring weakly at his brother.

"I'm bored," Tom stated, and Bill groaned, turning around and pressing his pillow against the window to go back to sleep.

"Just leave me alone," Bill muttered, obviously cranky from lack of sleep and being woken up in the middle of the night.

Tom sighed and watched Bill try to fall back asleep for a moment before he poked him again. "Bill."

"What?" Bill hissed, sitting up straight and scowling. It made him look cute rather than angry which amused Tom – but he was smart enough not to laugh. Bill's wrath would be epic, and he didn't want to die so shortly before he would finally get what he wanted.

"Can we talk?"

Bill sighed. "What do you want to talk about on a plane in the middle of the night, Tom? Honestly, can't it wait until we're at home?"

Tom shrugged and shook his head. "I want to talk about it now."

Bill heaved another heavy sigh but slid down in his seat and turned to face Tom, looking at him expectantly as well as very impatiently.

Tom bit his lip. "Well, are we going to do it tonight?"

Bill frowned in confusion, then sighed and rolled his eyes when he realised that Tom was referring to sex. "Tom," he groaned. "If you keep asking, I'm tempted to make you wait even longer." Tom looked shocked, and Bill laughed. "Look, if you let me sleep now, we'll do it later. I need to be awake and have some energy, so just… busy yourself with something else and let me sleep."

He leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Tom's lips. "Goodnight."

He turned back around, and was asleep within seconds.

Tom sighed and slid down in his seat, staring straight ahead.

Their last few days in Germany had been endless – at least for Tom. Time seemed to crawl, and no matter what they did, the days just didn't seem to come to an end. Tom had spent all of his time thinking about Bill, and having sex with Bill. He felt terrible for not being able to think about something else, but it wasn't as if he could help it. It had been too long since he'd had _any_ sex – in fact, he was quite sure that he'd never gone this long without it before. His anticipation grew with every day until he thought he would literally burst.

He glanced at his watch and sighed, trying to remember what the pilot had said about when they would land in L.A. He still didn't think of the city as their home, but right now, he couldn't wait to finally arrive there. They would be alone in their house, and then Bill would finally let him touch him and be with him in the most intimate way.

The past few days had been torturous. Waiting alone was difficult enough, but the fact that Bill was a mean little tease didn't make it any easier for Tom. He kept winking at him and making lewd little suggestions that made it impossible for Tom to take his mind off Bill for more than a few minutes.

And now they were finally in the plane that would take them to L.A., and the flight was the longest and most painfully boring Tom had ever been on. And Bill was asleep, so Tom had no distraction whatsoever.

Sighing heavily, he leaned back and wondered what it would be like. He'd been thinking about the actual event more than enough, and had spent some time wondering what Bill expected. Did he want candles and rose petals? Was that his idea of a perfect first time? Tom wasn't sure. He doubted he'd have time for decorations anyway; he was quite sure that he would jump Bill the moment they set foot into their house.

Tapping his fingers on the armrest, Tom closed his eyes and tried to get some rest, and when he finally fell asleep, he dreamed of Bill's hungry eyes as they stared up at him when he pushed into him…

***

The silence when they were finally in their house behind closed doors was heavy, and Tom dropped his bags while Bill turned on the lights. Their eyes met, and a shy smile crossed Bill's lips as he brushed a stray strand of hair behind his ear. "We can unpack tomorrow," he said softly, and Tom nodded instantly.

He was about to ask Bill to take him upstairs when Bill continued. "You know, I'm hungry. Maybe we should order pizza or something, and-"

Tom's patience was at an end. He'd waited for this moment for months, and now Bill was thinking about pizza rather than their passionate love-making? He couldn't take it. With two steps, he'd crossed the room, pressing Bill against the wall and cupping his face as he crushed their lips together in a hard kiss.

Bill gasped and was about to protest but then a moan left his mouth and he melted beneath Tom's lips, allowing the kiss before returning it with equal fervour.

"I need you," Tom murmured when he drew back. "Please Bill… we can have twenty pizzas later but right now…"

He looked into his brother's eyes, his expression pleading and desperate. "Please."

Bill shifted a little and pulled Tom closer, pressing his still-clothed erection against his brother's. "You want me?"

Tom nodded. "You know I do."

Bill smiled and raised an eyebrow, swirling his hips to press their cocks harder together. "You really do?"

Tom sighed, and in a moment of surprising strength, he grabbed Bill and threw him over his shoulder as he made his way towards the stairs and carried him upstairs. Bill squeaked in surprise, then grinned as he held onto Tom, and only stopped giggling when Tom had put him on his bed. He smiled and stretched out on his brother's bed, his hand going down to rub his own erection through those ridiculously tight jeans.

"Impatient, aren't we?" he purred, and Tom nodded – there was no point in denying it; he wanted what he wanted. And what he wanted was Bill.

Bill smiled and ran a hand through his hair, looking up at Tom through heavy-lidded eyes. After a moment of silence, he raised a brow. "Well, what are you waiting for then?"

Tom blinked, then shrugged and shook his head. "Nothing," he said, climbing onto the bed and Bill. "Nothing at all."

He smiled as he tilted his head for another long, deep kiss, and Bill sighed into it contently. He slid his fingers over the tight cornrows on Tom's head, twirling the braids around his fingers as he kissed him, their tongues rubbing against each other slowly. Bill arched up into his brother's body, kicking off his shoes quickly before he slid his feet up Tom's calves and wrapped his long legs around the older boy's waist. His hands found their way under Tom's t-shirt, rubbing and scratching his skin lightly – the first sign of impatience Tom noticed in Bill. He wondered how Bill could've acted this patient for so long, but it was good to know that he wanted it just as much as Tom did.

After long kisses that alternated between slow and hard, Tom managed to remove his mouth from Bill's and kiss his neck lightly, nipping at Bill's impossibly soft skin. He trailed his tongue over Bill's protruding collarbone, dipping his tongue into the hollow at the base of his throat.

His eyes drifted shut when Bill pressed his hips up against his erection, causing friction. Tom bit his lip and sighed, then kissed Bill's Adam's apple. "I love you," he murmured, overwhelmed by a sudden intense surge of love for his little brother.

When he looked up at him, Bill was smiling. "I know you do," he whispered, and Tom rolled his eyes, smiling at Bill's cocky grin. He pressed a kiss against Bill's chin, then sat up and pushed Bill's shirt up to his chest, bending his head to shower kisses over Bill's flat stomach and ribs. He licked them, once again fascinated by Bill's unbelievably gorgeous body. He loved discovering all the differences between them, and there were many, even though they looked so much alike. He kissed Bill's nipples, licking the pierced one and smiling when Bill hissed in pleasure.

He nosed Bill's bellybutton piercing and grinned; there really weren't many pierceable places on Bill's body that his brother hadn't adorned with jewellery yet. He wondered if his cock was next – but at the same time, he hoped Bill wouldn't go there. Just imagining the pain he would have to suffer to get that done made Tom shudder.

He sat up again and reached down to rub Bill's cock through his pants; the bulge clearly outlined. His mouth watered at the prospect of wrapping his lips around it, and he fumbled with the buttons quickly, tugging Bill's trousers down. He leaned forward to mouth Bill through his thin boxer-briefs, squeezing his erection with his lips before pulling his underwear down as well. Bill gasped when Tom kissed his way up his brother's length, exploring every bit of skin on it with utter care and love.

"Oh god," Bill breathed when Tom finally swallowed all of it, trying to relax his throat to accommodate all of Bill. He'd sucked it a few times before and every time, he found new ways to make Bill moan. He looked up at him, eyes locked as he moved his head up and down, sucking a little harder every time he slid down.

Bill was watching him, eyes wide, then pushed himself up to pull off his shirt, tossing it away. His legs encircled Tom's torso, trapping him as if he feared Tom would leave him; something Tom would never do.

After a long moment, Tom drew back and nuzzled Bill's stomach, sliding a hand up to slip two fingers into Bill's mouth. Bill moaned around them and sucked them into his mouth, coating them with saliva while his eyes darkened as he looked down at his brother.

"Tomi," he whispered when he released Tom's fingers, his eyes fluttering when Tom brushed them over his entrance. "Tomi, naked. I need you naked."

Torn between preparing his brother and taking off his clothes, Tom sighed heavily and sat up to pull off his shirt and drop his pants in a few swift moves. He watched curiously as Bill crawled to the edge of the bed and pulled a small tube of lube out of his jeans. Tom caught it expertly when Bill tossed it to him, a smile passing over their lips.

"Always ready, huh?" Tom asked as he squeezed a generous amount of the thick substance onto his fingers, and Bill's cheeks flushed a little when he shrugged.

"For you, yeah. I didn't know if you could wait until today, so I wanted to be prepared."

Tom gave him a smile and nodded; he was proud of himself for waiting this long, but now that they were in this position, he couldn't wait any longer. He brushed two slick fingers over Bill's impossibly tight hole and slipped them in, sucking in a sharp breath when he watched them disappear inside his brother.

Bill's tightness was incredible, and the way he clenched around him every time before he let him slide in a little further made Tom's cock harden even further. He licked his lips, playing with his lip ring as he stared down at the other boy in concentration, moving his fingers back and forth and scissoring them to stretch Bill. He'd never done this with a boy before but he already knew that he would love this more than sex with any girl he'd ever had.

This was Bill, and everything related to Bill was absolutely flawless.

He bent down to lick Bill's cock again, circling the ridge around the head with the tip of his tongue and smiling when Bill shivered. He mouthed his way down the underside, then nipped at the soft skin surrounding Bill's balls while he continued to finger-fuck Bill, making him 'aah' and 'ohh' in pleasure.

Finally, he had to draw back and slicked his hand as he reached down to stroke his own cock. He watched, entranced, as Bill's long fingers slid down his stomach and he stroked himself as well, his hand moving in time with Tom's. The sight was almost too much for Tom and he managed to stop touching himself before he would get carried away and come.

He paused as he caught his breath a little. "Your turn," he said softly. "How do you want me, Bill?"

The question seemed to distress Bill, and Tom laughed when he watched his brother's mind work, obviously coming up with all sorts of positions he wanted to try at some point. Finally, he watched Bill sit up on his knees and raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Get on your back," Bill murmured, and Tom looked at him curiously – but obeyed immediately. He stretched, getting comfortable on the pillow as he gripped the base of his cock, eyes widening when he watched Bill move on top of him, straddling his waist. He let go of his cock and moaned when Bill replaced his hand with his own, then lifted those narrow hips and slowly slid down on him.

A loud moan left Tom as he squeezed his eyes shut, taking deep breaths in order to avoid coming right away. Bill's tightness around his pulsing cock was even more intense than he had initially thought, and when he finally managed to open his eyes and look up at his brother, he found the latter looking down at him with an equally hungry look.

"Tomi," Bill whispered, and Tom reached up, pulling Bill down into a long, hard kiss, unable to find the right words to tell his brother how much he loved him; loved _this_. He slid his hands down Bill's back, cupping his hips for a moment before he squeezed his brother's ass cheeks, making Bill gaps into his mouth.

Then Bill began to move and Tom's head started spinning. He closed his eyes, pressing his forehead against Bill's, their noses bumping as Bill moved up and down, back and forth. He moaned and thrust up against him, angling his hips a little differently each time and trying to judge which position gave Bill the most pleasure.

"Ahh," Bill moaned suddenly and sat up, his body moving sensually as he rode Tom's cock. He shivered every time Tom thrust up, and a smile tugged at the corners of Tom's mouth because he knew he had to be doing something right.

He'd never seen anything more beautiful than Bill right now, and even blinking was hard for him because he didn't want to miss a single second of this.

After a moment, Bill leaned forward again, pressing soft kisses against Tom's lips before he buried his face in his neck, panting heavily. "Flip me," Bill whispered. Tom shivered at the hot breath on his neck and swallowed hard.

"Hm?"

"Roll us around. I want you on top."

Tom moved to slide out of Bill, which only made the younger boy tighten his muscles around his dick. "No, don't. Just… roll."

Tom snorted, and with some difficulty, they managed to move around so Tom was on top and able to slide into Bill even further. They moaned in unison and looked into each other's eyes, the love and want for each other clearly reflected on both their faces.

"Tomi," Bill whispered, reaching up to cup Tom's cheeks as Tom started moving again, his eyes never leaving Bill's. Bill's legs slid around his waist again, and Tom sighed contentedly, pressing their chests together, Bill's cock trapped between their bodies. They fit together perfectly – just like Tom had always known they would – and they were one. Finally they were melded together the way they were supposed to be.

"Close," Bill whispered after a moment, and Tom nodded as he picked up his pace. He slammed into Bill, eyes never leaving his brother's face for fear of discovering a sign of pain in Bill's eyes, but Bill only stared up at him in wonder, breathy moans escaping his mouth whenever Tom dove in.

"Ngh," Bill gasped suddenly and his hand slid between their bodies as he stroked his cock roughly while Tom continued to slam into him. He bit his lip hard, not wanting to come before Bill, but the moment thick ropes of white seed shot out of Bill's cock and he gripped his cock with his muscles as he twitched around him, Tom came as well, letting out a long moan as he climaxed inside his twin.

He let out a long breath as he slid down on top of his brother, covering his body with his own once more, and Bill kissed him lightly as he slid his arms around him, their breaths coming in short little puffs.

Tom's cock softened inside of Bill but Bill didn't seem to mind. A moment later, he slid out of him unconsciously and a whine left Bill's lips as he pouted in disappointment. "You feel so perfect," he whispered, toying with one of Tom's braids and looking up at him adoringly.

"So do you," Tom whispered back, rubbing the tip of his nose against Bill's. "More than perfect."

Bill nodded and smiled a little, and when Tom finally rolled off Bill, Bill was at his side immediately, nestling into him, looking for warmth and comfort. Tom stroked Bill's hair idly, staring up at the ceiling as he let what they'd just done sink in, a warm, swirling feeling in his belly because he'd never felt more at ease.

The growl of Bill's stomach broke the comfortable silence after a few minutes, and Tom laughed out loud.

"You really need that pizza, don't you?"

Bill grinned, his cheeks flushing a little as he shrugged. "I guess," he said softly, swinging a leg over Tom's waist and pulling him close. He pressed his ear against Tom's chest and a kiss against his nipple. "Not right now, though. Just wanna stay here for a little while."

Tom couldn't argue with that plan and kissed the top of Bill's head, his fingertips sliding up and down Bill's arm as he closed his eyes and breathed his brother in.

All the events of the past months washed over him in a wave of exhaustion, and he fell asleep just when Bill's breath evened out as well.

Waiting for Bill had definitely been worth it.


	18. Where I Belong

**Epilogue : One Year Later**

 

"What do you mean you're not going to tell me where we're going? How do you want to get me through the airport without me finding out where we're going, Tom? That doesn't even make sense."

Tom smiled to himself, watching Bill squirm in the seat of their limousine, clearly desperate to find out where Tom was taking him. In the early morning, Tom had woken him up and told him to pack a few things, and now they were on their way to the airport. To be honest, Tom wasn't sure how he was going to keep their destination hidden from Bill until they were there, but he was going to find a way.

"You're mean." Bill gave him an annoyed look, and Tom smiled fondly. Even a year after they'd fallen in love with each other, he sometimes couldn't get over the fact that Bill was really his for the rest of their lives – literally. When they had started this, they had both known that it would last forever. If Tom had fallen in love with anyone else, his feelings for the other person may have faded at some point, but he knew he would never fall out of love with Bill.

Being Bill's brother and lover at the same time was hard sometimes, Tom couldn't deny it. They had to be careful not to exchange public displays of affection since only their closest friends and a few of the people working with them knew about their relationship. They had to pretend that they were only brothers in public, but just being able to share everything with Bill in private made up for those few disadvantages.

"Stop fidgeting," Tom laughed as he continued watching Bill, knowing well that his brother hated surprises. He loved them, in a way, but he was much too impatient to really enjoy the time before he found out what the surprise was. "You'll see soon enough. Shouldn't you know that you can trust me by now? I'm not kidnapping you, Bill. So relax and… enjoy."

Bill sighed heavily and gave him a weak glare before he leaned over and kissed Tom's lips. Hidden by the dark windows of their car, Tom returned the kiss lightly and pressed a soft one to Bill's nose. "We'll be there soon, I promise."

"Why won't you tell me?" Bill complained, looking up at him with those puppy eyes that, most of the time, made Tom melt and give Bill everything he wanted. Right now, however, he had a secret to keep for at least one more hour, so he just smiled and slipped an arm around his brother, laughing when Bill huffed and pouted.

After pouting some more, Bill finally relaxed and looked out of the window as their drive to the airport continued.

***

"I am not letting you blindfold me!" Bill said indignantly when Tom pulled out a silk scarf the moment the pilot announced their arrival. "That's just childish, Tom. What if there are fans? What are they going to think?"

Tom sighed. "No one knows we're not in Germany anymore, so there won't be any fans. Besides, most of our fans and the press know us well enough by now that they just go with everything we do."

Bill remained stubborn. "I won't let you blindfold me, and that's my final word."

Fifteen minutes later, Bill cursed under his breath as he let Tom guide him through the terminal, his steps careful. He tried to trust Tom, even though he half-suspected his brother to let him run straight into a wall. As he tried not to fall on his face and held onto Tom's shoulder, he tried to detect the language people were speaking in order to figure out where his brother had taken him so spontaneously. But since they were still at the airport, it was impossible to figure out what country they were in. The mixture of languages he heard just confused him more and he finally just gave up, deciding to trust Tom. It wasn't as if he had a choice – and he _did_ trust his brother implicitly, but the fact that this trip seemed so out of the blue made him a little suspicious.

"We're at the car now," Tom said after a moment and Bill ducked his head to avoid bumping into the car as he got into it. He shifted over onto the other seat and lifted his hands to remove the blindfold, but Tom was faster and batted them away. "Not yet."

"Tomiii," Bill whined and directed a glare at him; a glare that rather lost its effect, considering his eyes and brows were covered by a black silk scarf.

Tom laughed and pulled the door shut after Bill, and a moment later, Bill felt his brother's soft lips against his neck. He sighed and tilted his head to give him better access, a shiver running down his back as Tom's warm tongue brushed his sensitive skin.

"That's not gonna get you anywhere," Bill murmured but his resolve was already crumbling, especially when Tom's lips brushed a spot that always made Bill moan. He loved and hated that Tom always knew how to shut him up, but he didn't have time to think about that right now as Tom's hands made their way down his chest and between his legs, rubbing his cock slowly.

"What are you doing, Tomi?" Bill breathed, closing his eyes and leaning is head back while his hips jerked up into the warmth of Tom's hand instantly.

"Distracting you cause you won't stop whining," Tom said, and Bill rolled his eyes inwardly, but had to admit that Tom's hand was an excellent distraction. He moaned when Tom opened his trousers and slid his hand inside, gripping his cock firmly and stroking him.

"I'm not whining," he murmured and reached for Tom, kissing his lips when he'd figured out where his face was, and deepening it slowly, moaning – and hoping desperately the driver couldn't hear them. He assumed that Tom had closed the separation window, and if he hadn't… well, then the driver would have to listen, whether he wanted to or not.

He sucked in a sharp breath when he suddenly felt Tom's warm mouth around his cock, and his hips bucked up of their own accord. "Oh god," he murmured, biting his lip hard as Tom's lips and tongue continued their ministrations, rendering Bill speechless and making him pant heavily. "Oh god, Tomi…"

It didn't take long for him to come, and he was relieved when Tom seemed to swallow it all, preventing his expensive clothes from getting stained – not that that was the most important thing on his mind right now.

He licked his lips and let Tom tuck him back in, feeling much more relaxed and not caring about the blindfold and the whole secrecy of this trip anymore – at least for a little while.

He leaned against Tom and kissed his neck lightly, running his fingers through Tom's braids. "Are we there yet?" he asked, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, well aware that he was probably starting to get on his brother's nerves. "Sorry. I'm just… curious."

Tom nuzzled him. "I know," he said warmly when the car stopped. "And we are there, actually. Just a few more minutes."

Bill frowned curiously as Tom helped him out of the car. He inhaled deeply, the scent of freshly baked bread wafting into his nostrils. He clutched Tom's hand in his own as he followed his brother into what he assumed was an elevator. Then there were more stairs and Bill was out of breath when they finally reached their destination.

"All right, we are there," Tom said, and reached to take off the blindfold.

Bill blinked as his eyes got used to the bright sunlight, and he gasped incredulously when he took a look around.

"Tomi," he breathed, turning his head to look at Tom who was standing behind him. "You took me to _Paris_?"

They were standing on the Eiffel tower and Bill found himself gasping for breath at the beauty of the city. He'd been here before, of course but he couldn't believe that Tom had taken him here without his knowledge. He didn't know what exactly he'd expected, but not this.

"Yeah," Tom said; his voice soft in Bill's ear. "I know how much you love the city – but I also know that you still associate it with Joop. I wanted to change that and make Paris ours again."

Bill turned around in time to see Tom blush, and couldn't suppress a smile as he looked at this brother. "You can deny you're a romantic all you want – but this? Tomi, you're…"

Bill trailed off, unable to form words that could express how overwhelmed he was right now. He wanted to kiss his brother but he knew he couldn't – there were people around, and while they were in public places, they had to act like brothers, not boyfriends. But he would do it later and for a long time because this was the best surprise anyone had ever given him.

"Thank you," he whispered, brushing his fingers over Tom's hand before he turned around to look at the City of Love spread out beneath them. He shook his head and smiled as the wind ruffled his hair, and when they finally made their way back down and were in the elevator – alone – Bill couldn't hold the rush of mixed feelings washing over him in anymore, wrapped his arms around Tom and kissed him hard.

When they broke for air, Tom smiled, rubbing his nose against Bill's. "Good surprise?"

Bill smiled back. "Definitely a good surprise."

"Good. I'm glad." Tom smiled, then reluctantly stepped back as they arrived and got back into the car.

"Please tell me there aren't any other surprises," Bill said when the driver started the car and took off again. "I don't think I can handle any more of this."

"Well," Tom said, smiling a little. "You might be in for another surprise or two."

When they stopped in front of a building, Bill looked at him curiously and laced their fingers as they went inside, entering a spacious flat a few minutes later. Bill blinked curiously and took a look around, aware that Tom followed him into any room he entered. When he got to the bedroom, he gasped and felt tears of surprise prickling in his eyes.

There were rose petals on the bed, a bottle of cooled champagne on the nightstand, and what looked like a hundred candles that lit the darkening room. Bill blinked back tears when he saw the Eiffel tower from the window.

He turned to face Tom, but his brother merely smiled. "I got us a house."

"You got us a house?" Bill asked, stunned. "You bought a house in Paris?"

Tom grinned and shrugged, the embarrassment making his neck and the tips of his ears flush. "Yeah. You love the city and I thought I'd get us this so we can spend more time here. If you want to."

Bill let out an embarrassing squeak and jumped on Tom a moment later. His brother caught him, hands on Bill's thighs as he looked up at him adoringly before their lips met in a gentle kiss.

"You're the best, Tomi," Bill whispered, his stomach fluttering when Tom carried him over to the bed and laid him down on the blanket of rose petals.

*****

The sky was dark blue when Bill sat on the balcony outside their bedroom sometime later, inhaling the smoke of his cigarette while his eyes never left the beauty of the bright lights of the Eiffel tower. He smiled as he snuggled into the blanket covering him, his heart still pounding in his chest from all the excitement of the day.

Part of him still couldn't believe that Tom had done all this for him, while at the same time, he had to grin smugly at having managed to turn Tom into such a sappy romantic.

His love for his brother knew no boundaries and if he hadn't been in love with Tom before, this would've done it. Tom did so much for him every day that Bill didn't even expect grand gestures like this – but Tom always came up with new ways to surprise him.

Thinking back to his time in Paris with Joop, Bill couldn't help feeling a little grateful to the older man for treating him the way he'd treated him. Without Joop, Tom may never have discovered his love for Bill, and Bill may never have realised that the person he'd been looking for all his life had been right in front of him since his first moments on earth.

Smiling to himself, Bill finished his cigarette and went back inside, silently sliding the door closed and dropping his robe onto the floor as he slid back into bed beside his brother, wrapping himself around him and looking at his twin's sleeping face.

And for the first time in his life, he was sure that he was right where he belonged.

In Tom's arms in their beautiful apartment in Paris.


End file.
